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Ok retiring at 62 when you don’t have the money is ridiculous. It seems entitled to be honest
My DHs mom retired at 70. She was in poor health but should have kept working. Her boyfriend who is a few years younger retired at the same time which also seemed ridiculous. Some people are just lazy.
Is 62 even a senior? Sorry but if 40 is the new 30 then the senior citizen age should be raised. Everyone’s always bragging about how young they feel and people are living longer. So how the hell is 62 still a senior citizen? I also thought it was 65.
I just checked and it’s 65
Last edited by Bridge781; 06-27-2019 at 04:04 PM..
Reason: Add
Age 62 is when one can start collecting monthly Social Security.
On the other issue, some people in their early and mid 60's are old because of poor health and a deteriorating body, some due to smoking which causes heart disease, lung diseases, cardiovascular problems and circulatory/pulmonary problems, excessive eating, not eating nutritional healthy food, being overweight or obese, being sedentary, lacking exercise, having diseases, some genetics, poor outlook on life.
Also, some people have had a hard life and for some, that hard life shows in their body and face in their early or mid-60's. Similar for some people who have lived in poverty or near poverty.
For others, being in one's 60's and even 70's for some is being younger than past generations in terms of good physical looks and appearance, outlook on life, activities, way of dressing.
Last edited by matisse12; 06-27-2019 at 04:41 PM..
This is starting to go in a circle, so I'll leave my contributions here.
My aunt called me this evening saying she's been worried about mom. She also thinks mom is depressed with the constant TV watching, hoarding behavior, etc.
My aunt was telling me how mom has talked to her recently about feeling "completely overwhelmed." Aunt said mom mentioned the cluttered bedroom and that mom was talking about she felt powerless to clean it. Mom hangs clothes on the door jamb, so you either have to push the clothes aside or dip under them to even enter the hoarded room. My aunt thinks mom has basically given up due to the bullous pemphigoid (a much wilder form of the pemphigoid vulgaris cited earlier) and the changes at work, but compared to what a lot of people are dealing with, these are fairly small potatoes.
I mentioned the financial wall, but if mom and dad aren't willing to acknowledge it, what can you do?
It's mostly tons of unopened merchandise, shoes, bulky packaging that could be recycled, and stuff like that. It could be cleaned up and the room made walkable in a half day for me, probably a day for her. It's cluttered, but you don't need a Hazmat suit or dumpster for it.
Mom left work today around noon citing "a headache." Where I work, an excuse like that more once or twice a year would be a written warning. Her employer just lets her coast, and I don't think she understands most places aren't like that. As an hourly worker, she doesn't understand what it's like to be responsible or to make a judgment call on something. According to dad, she came home and immediately sat in the chair and took a nap. She did get herself some lunch at a local burger place and ate at home.
There's just a lack of agency here that you can't fix. My aunt has Crohn's and other medical issues as well, but she keeps going and doesn't sit in the rocking chair all day. Aunt is also widowed.
And why did you just gloss over what people have said about YOU and your role, and YOUR LIFE?
WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS?
What cool vacation are you planning?
What fun weekend plans do you have?
Stop thinking about your parents and their problems and live YOUR LIFE.
I'm not sure that people mean supporting his parents by encouraging the OP to get a better job (At least I don't mean that). Let's say he gets a job 1,000 miles away and Mom has a severe heart attack and he needs to fly home immediately and can't wait for the bargain plane fares. Or Mom and Dad are surviving but suddenly need to do a major car repair or something similar. Or when his parents are in their 80s he can help by paying for a part time caregiver or cleaner or lawn service. I know adult children who pay for their elderly parents Life Alert/Fall Alarm because it gives them peace of mind when they live far away.
You can do things like that with a good job and not so easily with a low paying job.
They need to plan for their future, without leaning on him. It is crippling him.
What I am taking away from this thread is that SC is unhappy, but has not decided to take any action.
OP: the only person you can change is you.
Start with eating better and working out. Prioritize this over your parents’ demands. Do not tie yourself down now. If you begin with taking time for yourself, you’ll feel better, and you will be able to think.
And as far as I’m concerned, SC has been a long time poster in this thread and he is welcome to post now.
My wives parents were in their chairs each and every day from about 55 on...well, her mom did go to work at a local school as an attendance lady, but hubby did nothing but sit there and then have a heart attack every couple of years....or a small car accident. I don't think I ever walked in their house when dating their daughter when they were not both in their chairs.
MIL got a big second wind after her hubby died and we've been seeing her active for a decade or more....well, until she passed away at 97 3 months back.....
Retiring can be really hard on some people...and being a Mom is hard too. I suspect she's spend a lot of years raising a family and working. I think she needs to work on herself for a few years and take another stab at life. The alternative is misery as disease will start attacking quickly if she stays in that chair after retirement
Some folks did their time...prop up the feet and let those relaxing days develop.
Granted minor details of housekeeping, grocery and bills will get done. Just at an ease on down the road style.
If the OP wishes to step back and let em ease alone. So be it. I support the decision to let folks live life on their terms. With that comes the ' for every action ..there are consequences'. The relaxed (lazy?)parent needs to understand that ...she made her bed...
The OP's mom has a very serious health problem. Let's not minimize that. Most of the respondents here don't seem to recognize that.
Does she have blisters on her feet or arms that make it difficult for her to move around? Of course she's depressed. Those blisters are painful and ugly. And worst of all, few people seem to understand it or know about it. It's not just the weight or the diet or the lack of exercise. If she doesn't take the meds, that disease will eat her alive. But the medications have all kinds of side effects. You raise the dosage to decrease the condition and when the flare up is under control, you gradually decrease the medication. And the blisters look ugly. Most people don't know what they are and if they see them, they will avoid you or avoid touching you. It's a horrible, horrible disease. It's much worse for post-menopausal women AND it's not so easy to move around when there is a flare up, whether you are thin or fat. Does she take any NSAIDs for the pain?
Being sedentary is the least of her problems.
You can contact the International Pemphigus and Pemphigoid Foundation for more support, information about trial studies, and other information. There are local support chapters, but doubt that there are any in her area. My friend started the national organization in San Francisco, but she got tired of running it. It was a lot of work and she established chapters all over the US. She's retired. This isn't like diabetes where your average local doctor can treat it. It doesn't matter if your mother is 40 or 80. She's sick. Stress makes it worse, literally. I know everyone says that, but in this particular disease, it literally will make the lesions pop out. Looks like her boss has some compassion and gave some time off to a long-time employee. What is wrong with that?
Sounds like the OP has a lot of his own issues and possibly is on the spectrum. But one thing for sure, he needs to grow the hell up.
Some folks did their time...prop up the feet and let those relaxing days develop.
Granted minor details of housekeeping, grocery and bills will get done. Just at an ease on down the road style.
If the OP wishes to step back and let em ease alone. So be it. I support the decision to let folks live life on their terms. With that comes the ' for every action ..there are consequences'. The relaxed (lazy?)parent needs to understand that ...she made her bed...
She's not lazy. She's sick.
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