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Old 06-19-2019, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Williamsburg, VA
3,551 posts, read 1,647,282 times
Reputation: 10162

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As others have pointed out, you can retire and stay in your house. Getting back to the issue of knowing when the time is right, there's really no right answer. I tend to be a fan of waiting until you know in your gut that it's time, but that's just me.

FWIW, I'm very glad I retired when I did and haven't regretted a moment. Having every day to do whatever I please is an awesome thing. I'm also glad that I had time to complete a big retirement project that we had while I was still healthy. Shortly after I retired (but after we had finished that project), I found out I had cancer. I'm in recovery now and living a very vibrant life. But I'm glad I had the chance to complete that one big retirement goal before cancer got me. It's true that life is short and you really don't know what lies ahead.
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Old 06-19-2019, 06:28 PM
 
1,946 posts, read 2,708,224 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ComoAmero View Post
I couldn't agree more with you Matisse. I don't think Fran's experience is typical at all. It sounds like Fran wasn't as mentally/emotionally prepared to retire as she thought she was.

OP - all the positive things you're getting at work can be had by taking up new hobbies that you've always wanted to try but not had the time, by joining meetup groups of people with similar interests, by volunteering and sharing your knowledge and experience at various places. Or, just relaxing and enjoying the freedom that you'll have to do any damn thing you want. Start thinking now about how you want to spend your time, and what you really love to do. As long as you're prepared emotionally/mentally, you'll be able to handle the changes that come from no longer having to be on somebody else's schedule.

Also, if you have your finances in order, there is no reason you have to move from a home you love.
I wasn't prepared (but then most people don't work in the same place with same people for almost 30 years and love their jobs and coworkers). Most people do prepare financially. They don't prepare mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Men especially have a hard time in retirement, because a man identifies with his job (if he likes his job) much more than a woman does. If you ask a man to tell you a little about himself, he usually starts with what he does for a living. If you ask a woman to tell you a little about herself, she usually starts out with wife and/or mother.

I'll say it again: retirement is not always quite what it's cracked up to be -- I mean, seriously, who teaches classes on how to enjoy retirement -- retirement seminars are usually about finances -- I know -- I used to teach them as part of my union. But there was nothing for emotionally preparing. Ever.
Secondly, retirement takes an adjustment. Thirdly, you need money.

Meetups? In my city they are mostly for young and middle-aged people, and the meetups come and go. There IS a group for 65+ that has been around a long time, and there is a coffee group for seniors (retired or not) that has been going on for at least 15 years (under various names and organizers). My city has many and really wonderful senior centers, so I'm not too keen on Meetups for seniors. And I would gather that since OP lives in a rural area, Meetups are not exactly plentiful. In a rural area, it's harder to make friends after retirement. It's harder to make friends the older we get.

Yes, I think OP should stay in her home for as long as she can. I also think that she should work as long as she wants to.

There are no 'right' or 'wrong' answers to this.
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Old 06-19-2019, 06:49 PM
 
6,212 posts, read 4,718,283 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
.....
Men especially have a hard time in retirement, because a man identifies with his job......

I'll say it again: retirement is not always quite what it's cracked up to be --.......
I am a man and had a long, successful career. I did not have a "hard time" in retirement. My wife and I took off in an RV to see the National Parks and other great scenic areas and to learn photography. It was great, great fun and we did that full time for a couple of years. My only hard times have been health related issues which have nothing to do with retirement.

I also know lots of other men and women who retired and are enjoying life. I am sure others on this forum will also chime in and the vast majority will state they are happy to be retired. Some people lose jobs and are forced into retirement before they are financially ready, but that is a different issue.

I do have a recommendation that might help. Before retirement and also in the early years of retirement, consider what you enjoy and want to do with the rest of your life. That might mean returning to previous activities you never had time for or going in some new directions. Consider what is important to you and what you would like to not only do but accomplish.
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Old 06-19-2019, 06:58 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,427 posts, read 1,663,961 times
Reputation: 8643
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
I wasn't prepared (but then most people don't work in the same place with same people for almost 30 years and love their jobs and coworkers). Most people do prepare financially. They don't prepare mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Men especially have a hard time in retirement, because a man identifies with his job (if he likes his job) much more than a woman does. If you ask a man to tell you a little about himself, he usually starts with what he does for a living. If you ask a woman to tell you a little about herself, she usually starts out with wife and/or mother.

I'll say it again: retirement is not always quite what it's cracked up to be -- I mean, seriously, who teaches classes on how to enjoy retirement -- retirement seminars are usually about finances -- I know -- I used to teach them as part of my union. But there was nothing for emotionally preparing. Ever.
Secondly, retirement takes an adjustment. Thirdly, you need money.

Meetups? In my city they are mostly for young and middle-aged people, and the meetups come and go. There IS a group for 65+ that has been around a long time, and there is a coffee group for seniors (retired or not) that has been going on for at least 15 years (under various names and organizers). My city has many and really wonderful senior centers, so I'm not too keen on Meetups for seniors. And I would gather that since OP lives in a rural area, Meetups are not exactly plentiful. In a rural area, it's harder to make friends after retirement. It's harder to make friends the older we get.

Yes, I think OP should stay in her home for as long as she can. I also think that she should work as long as she wants to.

There are no 'right' or 'wrong' answers to this.
Retiring is one of the soft skill sets: the kind not easily learned by some and built in for others. DH has worked for the same company (different iterations) for >35 years. He doesn't define himself by his work and would likely to be found kindly listening to someone else expound on their work. He’s a listener, not a talker. He loves his work and coworkers, but when he retires that will be the past. When he retires in a year, he won’t be looking back. He’s not anxiousLy looking forward to it either. He lives in the now.

I’ve talked about DH and his mother before. They both look forward, not back, and don’t dwell on the past. His mother worked her way up to being a systems analyst in the company she started with as an office girl in high school. I’ve never heard her speak about her work since she retired even though it was a 70 hour work week at the peak and she was dedicated. She is interested in learning about the world around her now and DH is his mother’s son. They just know how to live, it’s in their DNA.

Me? Opposites attract and I’m not in their league and never will be. Maybe next life. How people handle retirement can be helped by preparing, but much comes down to their basic outlook on life. Overthinking is overrated and knowing oneself is not emphasized enough.
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Old 06-19-2019, 07:08 PM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,042,575 times
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I didn't have a plan. I just did it

As far as being an extrovert or introvert - can you be both?

I like being around people and like being by myself.

Since i am retired military, i am still part of that community. It never leaves you and you never leave it. Still have contact with my old units. One meets yearly.
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Old 06-19-2019, 07:16 PM
 
1,946 posts, read 2,708,224 times
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I forgot something -- I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I mean, I could tell you from now to doomsday about how I've been researching retirement and how people adjust (and don't adjust) to retirement. Talked to hundreds of retirees. But who cares, right? I'm hardly a scientist or a qualified researcher on the subjects of retirement and old age.

Here's a factual story that will well represent what I have been talking about:

Our judges could retired and then they could come back to work PT (without any benefits such as health insurance). It was called "double dipping".

Our judges (the vast majority were men), who would be retiring soon, would brag about what they were going to do in retirement -- and, after all, they weren't exactly poor. Then, over the 30 years I worked there, things changed. (I worked there from about 1978 to 2005.) The judges would retire, and, within just the first 2-3 years, they would get cancer or die of a heart attack or commit suicide. No really talked about it at first. After all, some of them were over 70 when they retired. But it began to happen so frequently that everyone started taking notice and talking.

And then as our county population grew, we needed more judges but it was much less expensive to hire back retired judges (not to mention that they didn't have to be trained -- they were already very experienced). And then we started having judges, in droves, coming back after retirement and applying for PT work, just 6-18 months into retirement. One judge had built his dream home in AZ, and he sold it 18 months into retirement to come back to work PT.

And then judges became afraid of retiring -- they said, "I'll die if I retire!" One of the judges was 90 before he fully retired. My ex-BF was 13 years older than I. He worked another 10 years after I retired, and he practically had to be fired before he involuntarily retired.

What is interesting is that when the women retired -- they never came back. Not one. I can venture an educated guess that they weren't thrilled in retirement either -- they usually wound up being caregivers for their ill husbands or they became ill themselves.

And over the 10 years prior to retirement, we got more and more women judges (not enough but certainly a lot more than we had ever had).

After all this, you would think I would have realized that there would be at least some initial adjustment to retirement -- but I guess I thought -- so stupid -- that none of it applied to me. And then I retired.

Ok, this is my last post. I don't really care if anyone agrees with me or not. What I DO CARE ABOUT is the OP weighs her decision very carefully -- take all the time she wants. There is a lot to think about. A lot. I hope she remembers that when she sees those very healthy, brightly-smiling married couples on a cruise or in their brand-new HUGE RV -- it's an advertisement from a company that wants her money. It is not reality for the vast majority of retirees.
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Old 06-19-2019, 07:23 PM
 
5,424 posts, read 3,440,673 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ComoAmero View Post

I don't think Fran's experience is typical at all. It sounds like Fran wasn't as mentally/emotionally prepared to retire as she thought she was.
It is very very far from typical. So far from typical that it is flat-out wrong for not only the vast majority, but the description is wrong for more than the vast majority.

Yes, there are a tiny few - a very few - who feel as Fran describes or who do not adjust to retirement.
Usually it is people with few interests in life. Or those without a zest for living.

This has been discussed widely here in many other threads and everywhere.

I cannot believe that one poster is trying push this as something experienced by the vast majority.
As mentioned, this has been discussed in this forum in many previous threads.

And the weird idea that 'everyone is lying' is just laughable.....and weird.

Last edited by matisse12; 06-19-2019 at 07:41 PM..
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Old 06-19-2019, 07:26 PM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,042,575 times
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It is no big deal if you don't want to retire.

My oldest sister (72) still works. She retired from SBC - still gets a pension and good medical. But she took off one year and went back to work. It is easy for her to find a job even at her age. She has people skills!!!

She's married but no kids. They live in an apartment. Have never wanted to be homeowners. They just stash their money away. I better be in her will. LOL.
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Old 06-19-2019, 07:27 PM
 
6,212 posts, read 4,718,283 times
Reputation: 12710
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
..... I don't really care if anyone agrees with me or not.......
I think we can all agree that you had a rough time in retirement. Apparently that lasted for years and you describe it as being severely negative.

That does not mean others had the same experience.
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Old 06-19-2019, 08:39 PM
 
Location: SoCal
6,063 posts, read 9,522,564 times
Reputation: 5789
I was working. I could have kept on working indefinitely, since I didn't have a physically demanding job, and I liked what I did. It was slowing, though.

My DH was retired-ish (he had a couple of consulting clients). And he was bored. And our financial guy said to me, if you're working for money, forget it! You don't need to do that! I was really working for medical benefits, because as much as I liked what I did, it was getting repetitive and slow. Then Obamacare showed up and I no longer needed to work for medical benefits. No longer needed to work for financial reasons. My spouse was impatient to start to go traveling.

And we had scheduled a photography class, followed by a get-together with friends, and it was just interfering with my work.

So I announced my retirement. No regrets (well, except that I missed out a set of layoff redundancy payments if I hadn't already announced my retirement).

We're still traveling and loving it.
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