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Old 06-28-2019, 05:46 PM
 
1,319 posts, read 642,453 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Although, the thought or implication or unspoken is that some couples (or more than some?) are not happy together and that is why so much time is spent apart.

It may be an unspoken issue between some couples so as not to disrupt or make the status quo shaky or put divorce in the spouse's mind.
Or....they are just happy, with the way things are.
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Old 06-28-2019, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,595 posts, read 4,674,480 times
Reputation: 27779
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Although, the thought or implication or unspoken is that some couples (or more than some?) are not happy together and that is why so much time is spent apart.

It may be an unspoken issue between some couples so as not to disrupt or make the status quo shaky or put divorce in the spouse's mind.
You've never been married, I'm guessing. I think you're way overthinking this.

Think of happy and unhappy as two points with a straight line between them. Many married couples will fall somewhere in the middle-ish part of the continuum if they're honest with themselves. The story manufactured for public consumption may be markedly different.

One woman I know has learned not to put much money in their joint checking account because her retired husband is a compulsive spender and will drain it. He has even spent the money she put aside for her daughter's inheritance. He unabashedly leers at younger (much younger) women. Yet, they are "happy." I'm not sure if it's happy/unhappy or unhappy/happy. Only they know.
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Old 06-28-2019, 07:02 PM
 
6,303 posts, read 5,042,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Although, the thought or implication or unspoken is that some couples (or more than some?) are not happy together and that is why so much time is spent apart.

It may be an unspoken issue between some couples so as not to disrupt or make the status quo shaky or put divorce in the spouse's mind.
I remember one of the ladies that i am writing about, leaving a weekend outing early because she missed her husband so much. She was literally crying.

This was her first husband. And yes, we were much younger. I don't know why they divorced.

Now she will spend weeks away from her current hubby with her various friends. I see it all on social media.

So that was what got me wondering about it. I also have a sibling that does this.

I was just curious.
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Old 06-28-2019, 07:11 PM
 
5,422 posts, read 3,440,673 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post

I remember one of the ladies that i am writing about, leaving a weekend outing early because she missed her husband so much. She was literally crying.

This was her first husband. And yes, we were much younger. I don't know why they divorced.

Now she will spend weeks away from her current hubby with her various friends. I see it all on social media.

So that was what got me wondering about it. I also have a sibling that does this.

I was just curious.
I think anything and everything is worth examining in the world - culturally, sociologically, psychologically, anthropologically.
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Old 06-28-2019, 07:36 PM
 
Location: plano
6,564 posts, read 8,091,974 times
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Wife and are both very independent we do out own thing often. We have different interests and get along great by being different and not clingy. 48 years and counting
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Old 06-28-2019, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Spring, Texas
136 posts, read 65,179 times
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Interesting topic - couple dependent for sure. No right or wrong / good or bad answers really....

ms gamboolgal and I are working on 38 years of marriage and 41 years of being together.

I love her and I love being with her. But I'm fine if she wants to go do something with gal pals or to do something.

But we spend most of our time together - when I am off work. We live oversea's in a not so nice place that no one goes to vacation at - and we are together by necessity as we live on a compound that we can't get out of. I take a convoy to/from the office each day.

Planning to retire at the end of the year and I can't wait to be buck neckid chasing ms gamboolgal around our old 4 poster bed in Texas full-time. I treasure each moment that I am near to her.

Lifes A Dance And You Learn As You Go


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnTaiiOxU6c

Last edited by gamboolman; 06-28-2019 at 08:42 PM..
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Old 06-29-2019, 04:09 AM
 
18,340 posts, read 23,506,172 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marcandme View Post
DH of 45 years, is my best friend. We do almost everything together.....except golf.
I like this post


I think its mutual respect....but also its ok to have a little time apart..

in relationships..... words shouldn't matter as much as deeds but they can....they can cut and bleed....the unspoken words are probably the most important words never uttered..
the tongue is a paint-brush and once you paint all the negativity on your partner....it changes the world....

flowers blossom in the light ...as do we all....
tolerance, compromise... appeasement, all factor into relationships...
its layers and its complicated at times..


seeing relationships at a distance is deceptive....to the op...I would with hold judgement..
sometimes relationships are like icebergs you only see the 25% at the surface.....75% is out of sight....you don't see
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Old 06-29-2019, 08:34 AM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,179 posts, read 2,851,972 times
Reputation: 4871
Been married 30 years and just retired.

He was semi-retired (always at home doing projects) well before I left the workplace. And I was worried about 24/7 time together.

And yes, he does get on my nerves...... but I have adjusted and find ways to do my own thing - and get together with family or friends. We're still working out the problem - as I only left the workplace last fall - but I did realize recently that my life would be pretty empty without him. He does do a lot for me and with me that I appreciate and respect. We know each other well enough to know when buttons are being pushed or what our likes or dislikes are.

We do have separate bedrooms because he snores like a freight train.... but I do still love him.

My sister lost her husband 4 years ago to a car accident.... he had been retired 14 years. They had a similar relationship like ours.... I did wonder if their togetherness was going to drive her crazy.....but she said NO - she loved having him home.

Now that he's gone - she's lost without him. She talks about him liberally - we encourage it as it helps in her grief process.

I put myself in her shoes and I'd be the same.
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Old 06-29-2019, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
24,962 posts, read 23,873,661 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarisaMay View Post
We have been married for more than forty years but we do not have a lot of common interests. He likes watching tv when he is home whereas I read and prefer the room to be quiet. I am very happy for him to be out playing golf a few days a week. We generally spend the evenings together either at home or with friends together. That works fine.
Yeah, my husband liked to watch TV much more than I did, but he wouldn't go to a theater to see a movie with me. He loved to play pool, and I liked to hike. He did a bit of wood working, and I gardened. We were both on the same property while when that happened on a Saturday or Sunday, so we'd prepare and eat dinner together.

I really liked when we would read together alone. "Want anything from the kitchen?" It was so quiet that the sound of a page being turned was noticeable.
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Old 06-29-2019, 11:07 AM
Status: "Re-edit status" (set 13 days ago)
 
Location: Was Midvalley Oregon; Now Eastside Seattle area
4,131 posts, read 1,883,639 times
Reputation: 3152
Sanity. And hope to stay married. 45 yrs together.
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