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Old 06-30-2019, 11:34 AM
 
3,150 posts, read 1,738,633 times
Reputation: 3525

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Married 50 years. We spend a lot of time apart - not always my choice, but I also like my own time.
Our interests are very different, mine have grown and evolved. DH never really had much of anything beside work and he does not want to do anything much. He does photography, but it is not a passion. When we are home we wake up together, breakfast, and then he does his thing, emails friends, dose some home related stuff, mostly on computer and I do mine. I am active in the community, volunteer, attend meetings, and do stuff with other people. I bird and have been on a couple of trips on my own because he is just not that into it. I read, I write. I work out, walk.
We attend concerts, plays, eat out with friends, movies. We have traveled together a lot, and now it's like been there, done that. We travel now mostly to see our kids and grandkids. We watch some TV together, but our tastes are not the same.
I do feel lonely at times, I wish we had more interests in common, but it is what it is. The things I do and places I go where my interests take me, often with women friends, make me happy. That is good enough.
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Old 07-01-2019, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
9,029 posts, read 7,791,206 times
Reputation: 12283
I do not care where my wife goes as long as do not have to go with her..............
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Old 07-01-2019, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,703 posts, read 1,884,721 times
Reputation: 11368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Okay - this might not be a retirement question, but the people that i personally know that do this are retirement age

What is up with this?

Almost every other weekend spent with the "girls'

Trips where the wife doesn't even know where the hubby is going, and she really doesn't care.

Now i have a roommate and he gets on my nerves, but we are not in a relationship, so who cares.

But if i was married, no way would i want to have this type of thing going on.

Do people just stay married for convenience? Is that necessary in this day and age?

Just asking....
This is one topic I cannot speak to. Husband and I go everywhere together, Costco, dry cleaners, movies, etc. Only have one car. I occasionally go to the grocery store (did yesterday) by myself but I worry about him the entire time I am away from home as he recently had two stents put in for Ischemic Heart Disease....so...
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Old 07-03-2019, 03:40 AM
 
38,363 posts, read 15,016,520 times
Reputation: 24763
Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
Married 50 years. We spend a lot of time apart - not always my choice, but I also like my own time.
Our interests are very different, mine have grown and evolved. DH never really had much of anything beside work and he does not want to do anything much. He does photography, but it is not a passion. When we are home we wake up together, breakfast, and then he does his thing, emails friends, dose some home related stuff, mostly on computer and I do mine. I am active in the community, volunteer, attend meetings, and do stuff with other people. I bird and have been on a couple of trips on my own because he is just not that into it. I read, I write. I work out, walk.
We attend concerts, plays, eat out with friends, movies. We have traveled together a lot, and now it's like been there, done that. We travel now mostly to see our kids and grandkids. We watch some TV together, but our tastes are not the same.
I do feel lonely at times, I wish we had more interests in common, but it is what it is. The things I do and places I go where my interests take me, often with women friends, make me happy. That is good enough.
^^This^^

Over the years, we've done a ton of things together. Still do some of them. Others, not so much.

For example, he still likes to camp. I no longer care for it. I prefer cooking in my own kitchen, sleeping in my own bed, and peeing in my own bathroom. He is off camping with one of our sons right now. He'll come back with all sorts of out of focus photos of wildlife that I can barely make out in the distance and stories of what a good time they had. I'll love listening to them. I also love my time alone.

He likes to watch sports. I like to garden. He works crossword puzzles. I read mysteries. He like to camp. I like to garden. ...

I want him to be happy, I just don't need to be involved in all of it.

Sandra Day O'Conner summed it up well, "Old love is different that young love."
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Old 07-03-2019, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Kountze, Texas
228 posts, read 34,376 times
Reputation: 207
Well, for us it is because I am still working and he has been retired - I got a promotion to go back to a National Park that I have worked before - moved from AZ to TX - and in his retirement he has new commitments - as a realtor and selling our house in AZ - to working with a church camp to get a new septic system in and his elderly mother in Phoenix that won't go to the DR or DDS unless DH is with her. So - the house finally sold last week, the septic system should be done by October and then he is going to be in TX with me for 6 weeks, then back to AZ for 2 weeks and back and forth like that for the near future. It stinks for me - and him too I believe. But it is what it is.
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Old 07-03-2019, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Was Midvalley Oregon; Now Eastside Seattle area
4,223 posts, read 1,930,005 times
Reputation: 3242
^BTDT. We're retired. I commuted like this for 9 months, but was able to visit wife and our new home for 3nites at a time.
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Old 07-03-2019, 10:59 AM
 
6,356 posts, read 5,091,511 times
Reputation: 12920
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould View Post
^^This^^

Over the years, we've done a ton of things together. Still do some of them. Others, not so much.

For example, he still likes to camp. I no longer care for it. I prefer cooking in my own kitchen, sleeping in my own bed, and peeing in my own bathroom. He is off camping with one of our sons right now. He'll come back with all sorts of out of focus photos of wildlife that I can barely make out in the distance and stories of what a good time they had. I'll love listening to them. I also love my time alone.

He likes to watch sports. I like to garden. He works crossword puzzles. I read mysteries. He like to camp. I like to garden. ...

I want him to be happy, I just don't need to be involved in all of it.

Sandra Day O'Conner summed it up well, "Old love is different that young love."
But she said she feels lonely.
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Old 07-03-2019, 11:55 AM
 
Location: SoCal
13,397 posts, read 6,404,610 times
Reputation: 9975
My husband and I were discussing camping again, but we will limit it to local places in case, if it doesn’t work out, we can get back home easily. Baby step.

Last edited by NewbieHere; 07-03-2019 at 01:02 PM..
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Old 07-03-2019, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Was Midvalley Oregon; Now Eastside Seattle area
4,223 posts, read 1,930,005 times
Reputation: 3242
^Panasonic makes a rechargeable, USB, portable washlet. Can also double as a water pik or a shower.
Haven't tried washing camp dishes...
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Old 07-06-2019, 03:09 PM
 
3,150 posts, read 1,738,633 times
Reputation: 3525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Okay - this might not be a retirement question, but the people that i personally know that do this are retirement age

What is up with this?

Almost every other weekend spent with the "girls'

Trips where the wife doesn't even know where the hubby is going, and she really doesn't care.

Now i have a roommate and he gets on my nerves, but we are not in a relationship, so who cares.

But if i was married, no way would i want to have this type of thing going on.

Do people just stay married for convenience? Is that necessary in this day and age?

Just asking....
So here is another way of looking at marriage. Hate in the title of this article may be a bit much ... or may be not.
https://centerforhealthythinking.com...e-your-spouse/

Quote:
I see plenty of evidence, these days, that society isn’t as couple-oriented as it used to be. I’m outspoken about my lifestyle. One response I often get when I mention it is, “Me, too!” I get many acknowledgments that, “A lot more people live like that than we know of.” There are lots of us married singles around. Maybe we’re even a majority. So let’s just go have fun.

Pursue whatever you fancy with people of like mind. Find kindred spirits. Take a computer class, or watercolor, or belly dancing. Learn new skills. Join the local photo club or curling club. Volunteer at a church, school, or garden. Learn to lead a rich, satisfying life as an individual. Feel whole as a person, alone or in groups. Enjoy your own company as much as the company of others. As much as possible, find ways to do what you’ve always wanted to do and go where you’ve always wanted to go. With, or without, a partner, you have a life. Live it! What has helped me the most to survive and thrive in a long-dying, and long dead, marriage is simply that I made up my mind to do it. This determined attitude began way back when I was a kid. Growing up, I could see how many people around me had eaten themselves up with negative thoughts and emotions. They were going through the motions of life but not really alive.
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