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Old 07-06-2019, 03:12 PM
 
6,364 posts, read 5,094,738 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
So here is another way of looking at marriage. Hate in the title of this article may be a bit much ... or may be not.
https://centerforhealthythinking.com...e-your-spouse/
Interesting

What is weird is that they hate their spouse, but still stick around. Why??
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Old 07-06-2019, 03:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Interesting

What is weird is that they hate their spouse, but still stick around. Why??
As the article indicates after a lifetime of living together there is history, which is something. I don't know about hate, which seems too strong, but the differences can just get so wide over time there is no meeting of the mind. They may be just sharing a home and fiances, and still appreciate the other person for who they are, or have been, what they have shared. Both love the kids and grand kinds and not interested in starting a new relationship. There is life outside of coupledom which can be quite interesting, energizing, and cannot be shared with a spouse. More than anything the spouse doesn't care, and is quite happy the way things are.

There are systems of living where there is a stage in life when you want to shed your bonds and seek something higher than yourself. Often this was addressed to men.. But women have the same urge as well, seek something beyond marriage, family, and community. If one is ready for it - perhaps due to the deep unhappiness and disappointment of the marriage, or may be just ready for a different stage - and it opens up doors to a whole different way of being.
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Old 07-06-2019, 03:46 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,412 posts, read 6,411,220 times
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Maybe some of them came from a culture of arranged marriage. I know my Indian friend’s in laws belong to this category, they constantly tried to ruin her marriage, even though they are not happy with their, they got married very young.
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:06 PM
 
5,432 posts, read 3,468,547 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post

Interesting

What is weird is that they hate their spouse, but still stick around. Why??
Some women are financially dependent upon their husband, but they dislike admitting it, and a good number will not admit it.

Divorce would disrupt the finances and their current life, and for those who have a cushy life free of money worries or even a life of just about anything they want - they do not want to give that up.

Others are emotionally dependent upon the spouse, no matter how unharmonious or acrimony-prone.

And living alone is too frightening for some.
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Old 07-06-2019, 05:40 PM
 
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I think the point of the article - I don’t know the ethnicity of the author- was that one is responsible for one’s own happiness and fulfillment. Why assume only women stay in unhappy marriages? Men do as well.
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Old 07-06-2019, 05:41 PM
 
6,364 posts, read 5,094,738 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
I think the point of the article - I don’t know the ethnicity of the author- was that one is responsible for one’s own happiness and fulfillment. Why assume only women stay in unhappy marriages? Men do as well.
True

Hopefully one day that will not be "necessary"
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Old 07-06-2019, 06:03 PM
 
5,432 posts, read 3,468,547 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post

Why assume only women stay in unhappy marriages? Men do as well.
Yes, three of the reasons I mentioned pertain to both men and women in a marriage:

Divorce would disrupt the finances and their current life, and for those who have a cushy life free of money worries or even a life of just about anything they want - they do not want to give that up.

(or if not living a cushy life, finances will/may still be disrupted, and some people need both people in the marriage financially to get by - or needing to give up the house and have two dwellings is problematic or undesirable)

Others are emotionally dependent upon the spouse, no matter how unharmonious or acrimony-prone.

And living alone is too frightening for some.
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Old 07-07-2019, 10:40 AM
 
3,154 posts, read 1,739,427 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Yes, three of the reasons I mentioned pertain to both men and women in a marriage:

Divorce would disrupt the finances and their current life, and for those who have a cushy life free of money worries or even a life of just about anything they want - they do not want to give that up.

(or if not living a cushy life, finances will/may still be disrupted, and some people need both people in the marriage financially to get by - or needing to give up the house and have two dwellings is problematic or undesirable)

Others are emotionally dependent upon the spouse, no matter how unharmonious or acrimony-prone.

And living alone is too frightening for some.
Divorce does not mean it will impoverish anyone if they already have considerable assets.

The other 2 reasons you mention - they are good enough reasons to stay married, if that is what they want or need.
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Old 07-07-2019, 12:02 PM
 
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i just want everyone to be happy!!!!
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Old 07-07-2019, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Was Midvalley Oregon; Now Eastside Seattle area
4,228 posts, read 1,931,933 times
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^ that's nice. Thank you for trying.
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