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Old 06-28-2019, 09:36 AM
 
Location: equator
3,410 posts, read 1,523,023 times
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Just speculating here, but could it be those in life-long marriages, married young---maybe know no other way than 24/7 togetherness? I know a retired couple like that. Married at 17 and even when he surfs, she is standing at the shore, taking pictures of him. They cuddle on the same chaise-lounge instead of being on their own. Always petting each other.

I admit to some envious feelings about this, but know it wouldn't work for me. I had to leave my other marriages due to being stifled and controlled. So now I'm protective of my own space. I like being able to do my own thing. When we DO activities jointly, it is that much more enjoyable.

I've been alone enough to find it manageable, so at least there is the confidence/hope of not falling apart if that happens. Then again, the older one gets, the more sobering that prospect is.
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Old 06-28-2019, 09:36 AM
 
25,964 posts, read 32,962,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dnkw View Post
I remember reading, as a newlywed, a letter in Dear Abby where the writer said something like ďmy heart breaks every time I hear someone complain about their spouseís snoring - Iíd give anything to still have my beloved husband lying beside me, snoring and allĒ. That letter has stayed with me all these years.

Iíve thought that if I ever married again, I think Iíd want separate bedrooms and somewhat separate lives, just to make the adjustment to widowhood a minuscule bit easier. Definitely a different perspective than I had as a young person.
LOL. I am a very light sleeper, as is my BF. If either of us snored, we'd have to use separate bedrooms - neither of us could sleep. My brother has been married to his wife for 25 years now I think (2nd marriage) and he snores like a freight train. They absolutely have separate bedrooms. And they are fine with it. Many people have this arrangement. It works for them.
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Old 06-28-2019, 09:38 AM
 
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My husband is my best friend and soulmate. I prefer his company to anyone else's. I look forward to the day he retires so I can spend more time with him.


We have separate bedrooms because I am an insomniac and he snores. I wish we could sleep together.
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Old 06-28-2019, 09:58 AM
 
2,730 posts, read 871,625 times
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[quote=AnnaGWS;55536459]My husband is my best friend and soulmate. I prefer his company to anyone else's. I look forward to the day he retires so I can spend more time with him.


We have separate bedrooms because I am an insomniac and he snores. I wish we could sleep together. [/QUOTE]


Just so you visit each others room occasionally, that is ok.
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Old 06-28-2019, 10:10 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,595 posts, read 4,674,480 times
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After years of separate bedrooms, I agreed to try the same bed at the new house. We are very different in our sleep styles, so after a couple of months itís still a work in progress. I sometimes move to a different bed if I wake up and canít get back to sleep.

What bothers me is that he falls asleep on his back and snores, then stops breathing and jerks awake, accompanied by a lot of thrashing. Shampoo lather rinse repeat. Iíve threatened to take him in for a sleep study if he doesnít at least try to sleep on his side, because then he sleeps peacefully and noiselessly.
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Old 06-28-2019, 10:30 AM
 
25,964 posts, read 32,962,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
After years of separate bedrooms, I agreed to try the same bed at the new house. We are very different in our sleep styles, so after a couple of months itís still a work in progress. I sometimes move to a different bed if I wake up and canít get back to sleep.

What bothers me is that he falls asleep on his back and snores, then stops breathing and jerks awake, accompanied by a lot of thrashing. Shampoo lather rinse repeat. Iíve threatened to take him in for a sleep study if he doesnít at least try to sleep on his side, because then he sleeps peacefully and noiselessly.
You know, that is classic Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I'd make him an appointment anyway. He'll thank you later.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...s/syc-20352090
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Old 06-28-2019, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,154 posts, read 8,684,984 times
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Smile Always a busy family life

Well, I know my husband prior to marriage as a friend and I liked him. I thought he was a nice person but that was it.

Both of us were in relationships and both were not good ones.

Eventually, with the blessing of the ex gf, we ended up together. Even though he was an only child and I have several siblings, there are lots of similar things. We really knew each other prior to marriage; no surprises. I even made him to the eye doctor to see my bleak future as far as vision. He did not run.

So, we've been married over 34 years, 2 children, self employed both of us. Always busy professionally and with family stuff. We also volunteer a lot. Originally, I did that more than he did but he got asked and starting volunteering also.

About 15 years ago, I needed to move my business into his office and I was concerned we'd be together more, however, we hardly see other during the day. I'd say we have a really healthy relationship though.

I ended up not driving 5 years ago so now we only have 1 car and drive together. Pain in the neck for me because I'm very independent and I loved driving. So more togetherness but it has all been good.

We still are busy all the time and right now, I like it that way. I grew up with a lot to do and I don't think I know how to relax - yet.

I enjoy being with him, I truly do, I tell him it's so easy living with him and I know he feels the same. I know he needs more alone time than I do. He does get that.

But, every relationship finds its niche and balance. My parents had friends who were happily married for close to 60 days. He hated the warm weather; she loved it but she came to Florida every winter and then went back home every summer. They always seemed happy together.

Our son might start working with me soon. I'd love it.
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Old 06-28-2019, 11:19 AM
 
1,823 posts, read 780,633 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
After years of separate bedrooms, I agreed to try the same bed at the new house. We are very different in our sleep styles, so after a couple of months it’s still a work in progress. I sometimes move to a different bed if I wake up and can’t get back to sleep.

What bothers me is that he falls asleep on his back and snores, then stops breathing and jerks awake, accompanied by a lot of thrashing. Shampoo lather rinse repeat. I’ve threatened to take him in for a sleep study if he doesn’t at least try to sleep on his side, because then he sleeps peacefully and noiselessly.
Look into either raising the head of the bed with blocks or getting one of those mattress wedges that go between the mattress and box spring. These are advertised for GERD and heartburn but they work on those who snore and have sleep apnea as well. It takes a little getting used to sleeping on an angle but it is healthy for everyone.
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Old 06-28-2019, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,595 posts, read 4,674,480 times
Reputation: 27779
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
You know, that is classic Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I'd make him an appointment anyway. He'll thank you later.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...s/syc-20352090
Yes, I know exactly what it is. He refuses to see a doctor. End of story.
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Old 06-28-2019, 12:54 PM
 
1,912 posts, read 2,958,519 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Okay - this might not be a retirement question, but the people that i personally know that do this are retirement age

What is up with this?

Almost every other weekend spent with the "girls'

Trips where the wife doesn't even know where the hubby is going, and she really doesn't care.

Now i have a roommate and he gets on my nerves, but we are not in a relationship, so who cares.

But if i was married, no way would i want to have this type of thing going on.

Do people just stay married for convenience? Is that necessary in this day and age?

Just asking....
After you spend 30-40 years with the same person, you'll understand completely.

SS
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