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Old 06-25-2019, 08:56 PM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,209,777 times
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After the "honeymoon phase" (either before or after getting married) then most couples naturally return to more independent roles. If either or both people work, they spend at least 8 hours apart every day thoughout their entire careers. I don't know that too many couples suddenly start spending 24 hours together when retired - the most common joke and complaint is about the spouse constantly being underfoot, and not in a good way!
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Old 06-25-2019, 09:23 PM
 
37,449 posts, read 45,651,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Okay - this might not be a retirement question, but the people that i personally know that do this are retirement age

What is up with this?

Almost every other weekend spent with the "girls'

Trips where the wife doesn't even know where the hubby is going, and she really doesn't care.

Now i have a roommate and he gets on my nerves, but we are not in a relationship, so who cares.

But if i was married, no way would i want to have this type of thing going on.

Do people just stay married for convenience? Is that necessary in this day and age?

Just asking....
Well....for a lot of people, 24/7 is stifling. I would absolutely be taking time out for me (and "the girls").
I have a high need for "me time", maybe more than the average bear, but I know there are many out there like me.
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Old 06-25-2019, 10:24 PM
 
11,025 posts, read 7,762,423 times
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Probably the larger question is why do some people want to be together at all times. I'm not talking about people with mobility or other medical problems or those with transportation issues but those who won't go for a haircut without the other sitting there waiting. A fifteen minute trip to pick up a couple of things at the store need not turn into a group excursion.

Are we to believe that both of them want to be together that much or is one just so controlling that the other has gotten to the point that it's easier to just go along than argue the issue?
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Old 06-26-2019, 07:46 AM
 
Location: SoCal
20,160 posts, read 12,666,893 times
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That’s unhealthy, I often said we’re together a lot but not like that. But from what I’ve read some marriages were already in trouble, they sleep in separate bedrooms for years, for some reasons they don’t divorce. They may divorce when they retire. Strange I know. But my husband and I have been retired nearly 4 years, when the kids come back to visit, we’re happy to have our place back after a few days.
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Old 06-26-2019, 07:51 AM
 
8,696 posts, read 4,940,687 times
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DH of 45 years, is my best friend. We do almost everything together.....except golf.
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Old 06-26-2019, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Central New Jersey
2,516 posts, read 1,679,636 times
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
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Old 06-26-2019, 07:57 AM
 
Location: Asheville NC
2,061 posts, read 1,949,061 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marcandme View Post
DH of 45 years, is my best friend. We do almost everything together.....except golf.
That is how we are at 47 years together. This last five years since we retired have been the best ever. My married friends do not seem to have all the problems that Clemencia continually posts about. Different realities.
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Old 06-26-2019, 08:25 AM
 
8,696 posts, read 4,940,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funisart View Post
That is how we are at 47 years together. This last five years since we retired have been the best ever. My married friends do not seem to have all the problems that Clemencia continually posts about. Different realities.
Yes...We are truely Blessed.
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Old 06-26-2019, 08:53 AM
 
4,240 posts, read 2,131,913 times
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Been married 30 years now and we're both retired.

We have different hobbies and friends which the other doesn't have the same interest in. We give each other space to enjoy them. Sometimes family issues may mean time away from each other as our parents get older and have special situations.

Good grief, doing everything together 24/7 would be a bit stifling, imo.

Sounds like the OP has some trust issues.

I've lost contact with several friends over the years who have gotten married and the new SO literally put a ball and chain on them to completely control who they got to see.

That is sad.
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Old 06-26-2019, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Southern MN
11,919 posts, read 8,247,703 times
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This was on my mind yesterday. The first decade of our marriage people used to call us the Minnesota Twins because we did everything together. Now we have different needs.

We're veterans of a fifty-two year marriage. In five decades most people go through several different changes in lifestyle and preferences. In many ways you are not the same two people who married each other and a lasting marriage, at least ours, requires adjustments to stay viable.

What started my thought process was a song I heard on the Oldies station while I was running errands, "Everything I Do, I Do for You." I smirked. "Good grief," I thought, "what a sappy codependent relationship that sounds like."

Then I re-thought it. What about my lengthy R and R vacations to Mexico? Who is that for? The vacations are for me, of course and he gets tired of going. But the ultimate benefit is the marriage. I get to have a few months from the cooking and cleaning, have some small adventures, renew old friendships and meet new people and by doing so come home happy and ready to get back to my old schedule.

Same with DH and his elk hunting trips out West. Why would I want to go rough it and talk about killing elk for two, three weeks? No thanks. Why would I want him to miss out on what he wants to do because I don't want to do it? That makes for grumpy husbands. LOL

Fear of sexual misadventures at this time of our lives are really the least of our worries. When you've been married this long there isn't much you haven't worked through already and we dealt with those insecurities a long time ago.
I never give it a thought for myself and I trust him because I know him so well.

What if it "just happened?" Well, then it would be time to revisit those fears, needs and commitment issues. We know how to do that.
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