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Old 06-25-2019, 03:59 PM
 
6,303 posts, read 5,042,575 times
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Okay - this might not be a retirement question, but the people that i personally know that do this are retirement age

What is up with this?

Almost every other weekend spent with the "girls'

Trips where the wife doesn't even know where the hubby is going, and she really doesn't care.

Now i have a roommate and he gets on my nerves, but we are not in a relationship, so who cares.

But if i was married, no way would i want to have this type of thing going on.

Do people just stay married for convenience? Is that necessary in this day and age?

Just asking....
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Old 06-25-2019, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,650 posts, read 3,235,973 times
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Clemencia, I always enjoy your posts. You've written about your roommate a number of times, always saying there is no relationship. But I think the only person you are fooling is yourself. There is more than one type of relationship, not just a sexual one. When two people live together, there is a relationship. I hope you will open your mind to this. I worked with a guy years ago who used to say...... your eyes say yes yes but your lips say no no. Back in the day when that kind of joking around wasn't a crime.

As far as those couples you are asking about. There are probably any number of reasons. Money is probably #1. Then there are kids. Then there is being together for so long, they can't imagine not living together. They don't want to live alone. They want to have "fun" without commitment.

I'm sure I'm leaving out a lot. I think for some of them, not all, a basic love exists. They are just not "in love" anymore.
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Old 06-25-2019, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,594 posts, read 4,674,480 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Okay - this might not be a retirement question, but the people that i personally know that do this are retirement age.

What is up with this? Almost every other weekend spent with the "girls'. Trips where the wife doesn't even know where the hubby is going, and she really doesn't care.
I'd want to know where he was going but I wouldn't suspect anything untoward.


Quote:
But if i was married, no way would i want to have this type of thing going on.

What type of thing do you think it is? Getting a group discount at the Bunny Ranch?
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Old 06-25-2019, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Williamsburg, VA
3,551 posts, read 1,647,282 times
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One possible reason:

During working years, they had 8 hours apart from each other each day (unless they worked in the same office, but most couples don't).

Sharing stories about what happened to each other during their time apart becomes an important part of their day. I know it was a highlight of my day; loved coming home and having a cocktail hour with dh where we shared the events of our day.

So, in retirement, they find ways to continue that. I could see trips being that way, too, for some people. For example, I could see taking a trip to NYC with my girlfriends and without my hubby because it has no interest to him at all.


It's good to have separate interests, especially in retirement. Some people enjoy seeing each other 24/7, but for us retirement works best when you have a few separate activities.
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Old 06-25-2019, 05:11 PM
 
6,303 posts, read 5,042,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
Clemencia, I always enjoy your posts. You've written about your roommate a number of times, always saying there is no relationship. But I think the only person you are fooling is yourself. There is more than one type of relationship, not just a sexual one. When two people live together, there is a relationship. I hope you will open your mind to this. I worked with a guy years ago who used to say...... your eyes say yes yes but your lips say no no. Back in the day when that kind of joking around wasn't a crime.

As far as those couples you are asking about. There are probably any number of reasons. Money is probably #1. Then there are kids. Then there is being together for so long, they can't imagine not living together. They don't want to live alone. They want to have "fun" without commitment.

I'm sure I'm leaving out a lot. I think for some of them, not all, a basic love exists. They are just not "in love" anymore.
That is probably it - just not "in love" anymore.

We have been living together for almost 20 years! Weirdly we get along as long as he is not complaining about something

He is always complaining. But we can have good conversations and we do things for each other that the married people i know do not.

I am just amazed at the women around here that have to take care of thier own car issues or yard stuff. I can afford to pay someone or even do it myself. I was trained to change tires and check engines on 5 ton vehicles in the military. But why should I?

He can also depend on me if he needs something. But we are not a "couple".

What is a couple nowadays anyway?
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Old 06-25-2019, 05:13 PM
 
6,303 posts, read 5,042,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
I'd want to know where he was going but I wouldn't suspect anything untoward.





What type of thing do you think it is? Getting a group discount at the Bunny Ranch?
I have to say that i think he bats for the other team, but after all these years, hey just keep on going.


I have a relative that was married, had five kids, but is now married to his partner. Oh well. Much easier to be yourself these days.
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Old 06-25-2019, 06:13 PM
 
Location: SoCal
6,063 posts, read 9,520,860 times
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I don't see it as all that unusual.

We have friends - a couple - who spend much of their day each doing their own thing. One of my sisters and her husband always were happy to take separate short vacations.

They always know what the other is doing, though. That does sound strange, to not know.

DH and I spend most of our time together, probably more than most people we know. If we ever develop conflicting interests, we'd start spending time separately at our interests. That seems - normal. Not a problem in any way.
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Old 06-25-2019, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Southern California
23,631 posts, read 8,219,173 times
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My sister said once that she and her husband had stayed together 50 yrs since she was the one who traveled in her profession and he was at home most of that time, Alone....

How about familiarity breeds contempt....

My parents had a 50 yr anniversary party and their marriage lasted 63 yrs and they were hardly ever compatible with anything....3 kids and they did their own thing.

Last edited by jaminhealth; 06-25-2019 at 07:16 PM..
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Old 06-25-2019, 07:43 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,186 posts, read 6,301,958 times
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I read on some other forum that some people are afraid of being retired and face their spouse everyday. Some even had to hide in a car for girls talk. What’s up with that? Maybe that’s why divorce rate over 55+ is actually increasing.
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Old 06-25-2019, 07:49 PM
 
247 posts, read 64,766 times
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Every Friday night I sleep over at my friend’s house. Neither of our husbands mind and my husband enjoys his alone time. I think it depends on the couple. We are still in love.
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