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Old 07-06-2019, 04:00 PM
 
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OP, you said you have lost a lot of stamina at your current age. I think living in New York City requires quite a bit of stamina and energy - and requires that to live an enjoyable satisfactory life in NYC.

I lived in New York City (Manhattan) in the past. Almost moved there again at age 57, but realized physical limitations. (and also costs of an apartment)

Last edited by matisse12; 07-06-2019 at 04:09 PM..
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:00 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,805 posts, read 1,824,401 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evening sun View Post
The needy relative plays you like a fiddle They will be on the phone begging for money or a ticket. Moving is not the answer, YOU have to change before any real change in the relationship will happen.
Moving might give me the physical and emotional space to heal.
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:01 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,805 posts, read 1,824,401 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
That is exactly what I had to do with regard to family of origin. I was the lucky one who didn't get the need to drink. I went to al-anon and other meetings, counseling through an agency who "specialized" helping drinkers/non-drinkers. Eventually, it was suggested to me to make the break.

It was a huge relief to me. I didn't realize how crazy I was until I didn't have those people in my life anymore. They all wanted to be listened to, rescued, helped in one way or another. Suicide looked good sometimes. Glad I didn't do anything along those lines.

People who are sick with this disease don't really care about us. We are expected to help them. I ran out of being able to help them. I was in a very difficult marriage, had two kids, worked a full time job.

It's not a bad thing to save yourself. And breaking away from sick people can be the best thing you will ever do. The sick one will survive without you. You need to find out you will survive without them.
It's wonderful that you found a way to save yourself!
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:03 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,805 posts, read 1,824,401 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
OP, you said you have lost a lot of stamina at your current age. I think living in New York City requires quite a bit of stamina and energy - and requires that to live an enjoyable satisfactory life in NYC.

I lived in New York City in the past. Almost moved there again at age 57, but realized physical limitations. (and also costs of an apartment)
I think I could do it. I just spent a week there - I like to explore and would probably just try to carve out four hours per day, max . . . I LOVE the subway, but had a friend with me who helped me figure it out - I am not sure I could do it by myself, but want to try. In a worse-case scenario, I can Uber anywhere. I would stay on Manhattan.
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,598 posts, read 19,931,965 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Moving might give me the physical and emotional space to heal.


Everywhere you go, there you are.


You can run, but you can't hide (from yourself).






I'll be back with more cliches as they occur to me.
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:17 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Everywhere you go, there you are.


You can run, but you can't hide (from yourself).






I'll be back with more cliches as they occur to me.
I know that and I quote those cliches myself.

The thing with this move is I feel the distance could give me the emotional space to feel safe.

I guess it's a very personal thing.

Where I live now, the person has shown up many times, and has stayed with me numerous times in distress.

I would have nome of those associations in a new place - in fact, when I traveled to my desired destination recently, the person had a crisis and contacted me and I was able to enjoy my vacation even knowing the person was having a legitimate crisis. I had no fear of them showing up at my hotel!
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:19 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,805 posts, read 1,824,401 times
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I think a move (or at least, spending blocks of time somewhere far away), would give me space to be more of "me" than I have had in my current locale. Associations and habits are very powerful - and I want to break out of the mold while I can (getting old).
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,598 posts, read 19,931,965 times
Reputation: 45669
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I know that and I quote those cliches myself.

The thing with this move is I feel the distance could give me the emotional space to feel safe.

I guess it's a very personal thing.

Where I live now, the person has shown up many times, and has stayed with me numerous times in distress.

I would have nome of those associations in a new place - in fact, when I traveled to my desired destination recently, the person had a crisis and contacted me and I was able to enjoy my vacation even knowing the person was having a legitimate crisis. I had no fear of them showing up at my hotel!


Honestly, you just want to run away. You are contemplating the easy way out that requires no growth or effort on your part.

But your not going to do it either, so really there is not much point to the conversation. I think this is just a fantasy of what you think would make you feel better.

How often does this person show up at your house?
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Old 07-06-2019, 05:33 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,805 posts, read 1,824,401 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Honestly, you just want to run away. You are contemplating the easy way out that requires no growth or effort on your part.

But your not going to do it either, so really there is not much point to the conversation. I think this is just a fantasy of what you think would make you feel better.

How often does this person show up at your house?
OMG. You are so rude.

I will do it.

Naysayers be damned.

I don't know how you can live with yourself knowing you DISCOURAGE people.

Totally not cool.

I just booked a little vacation get-away for myself - and that is a major step.

Please put me on ignore - your comments are not helping.

Thank you.
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Old 07-06-2019, 05:38 PM
 
4,719 posts, read 4,013,639 times
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Travel. Be less accessible. Block their calls.

If you move, you could always move to a gated community or building that controls access.
Learn to say, "that won't work for me".
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