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Old 06-28-2019, 10:16 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,805 posts, read 1,824,401 times
Reputation: 10665

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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
How is is it an 'if' of becoming old and infirm?

Everyone becomes old. (unless they die earlier) Most become somewhat infirm in some way or ways, even if it's just loss of strength or frailty.

UNLESS you mean the opposite which is just dying in your new location before becoming older with loss of strength or before infirmities. Or a sudden death before loss of strength or infirmities.

That could happen - just dying in your new location - and then no move back to your current house would be in the cards.

You do say you're already old.
I'm not sure since I cannot predict the future . . . maybe I would be a very strong old lady - I have known many hearty old ladies - I could be one of them - or maybe I would live there for years, and croak of a heart attack and not be "sick and infirm." It's the infirm part that would be the problem.
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Old 06-29-2019, 02:26 AM
 
857 posts, read 197,106 times
Reputation: 1002
if you fantasize about being away, do a test-run and live there for a short while (rent a furnished place) and see if you like it --- no sense uprooting, selling, making the move without testing the waters first.....and this plan about returning to be taken care of by relatives, do they know about this plan?
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Old 06-29-2019, 04:53 AM
 
11,118 posts, read 8,523,617 times
Reputation: 28059
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
No - they would never "help" me because of family dynamics that were created by the difficult people, but when I am super old, I think they would arrange things for me - and I would guess that would be easier the closer you are in proximity to people.

Note: I wouldn't be just moving to escape - I may also like the new place - it could be really fun - I have only visited once, so not completely sure - just thinking of options.

Also: I did look up elder abuse and put some number in my phone.
This doesn't make sense. They won't help you but they would make your arrangements. Are you making assumptions?
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Old 06-29-2019, 05:13 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,595 posts, read 4,674,480 times
Reputation: 27779
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
This doesn't make sense. They won't help you but they would make your arrangements. Are you making assumptions?
Aren't these hypothetical situations lacking adequate information fun? And then being snapped at when you guess wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Who said I don't have "something to run to?"
I have never understood people who post on a public message board, very obviously wanting a connection with others, but making sure no one can scale the walls they've put up.


Should I Relocate to Escape?

Wherever you go, there you are.

Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 06-29-2019 at 05:21 AM..
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Old 06-29-2019, 05:16 AM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,484 posts, read 62,084,629 times
Reputation: 32131
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Who said I don't have "something to run to?"
You did.
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Old 06-29-2019, 05:42 AM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,183 posts, read 1,338,732 times
Reputation: 6286
Learn how to say No.
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Old 06-29-2019, 06:10 AM
 
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
2,430 posts, read 3,657,283 times
Reputation: 4752
Maybe a Surveillance Camera? One of those new-fangled Surveillance Door Bell buttons? Caller ID on your phone?

These may help with avoiding unpleasant surprises without making you a prisoner in your own home.

But you must start saying "NO!" when this person/people start demanding things from you.
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Old 06-29-2019, 07:14 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,768 posts, read 4,822,990 times
Reputation: 19382
"Ghost" the unwanted person. Use caller ID and don't answer when they call. Don't reply to their texts. Use your peephole and don't answer if they come to the door. If you go to a gathering and they are there, sit far from them, and if they engage you in conversation, after a couple minutes excuse yourself and head to the bathroom or kitchen, just move away and avoid them. Go home early if you have to. You say that you love them, but you are willing to move far away to get away from the way they use you or treat you? It doesn't sound like the love runs both ways. This Individual's requests are literally RUNNING YOU OUT OF YOUR HOME.

If you don't want to exorcise this person from your life entirely, then you must practice saying no and meaning it. Practice with a friend if you need to. Just get one or two phrases you can use and repeat them as often as needed to rebuff the person's requests. Something like "I'm sorry I can't help you" or "Unfortunately I just can't manage that at this time" or "I'm afraid that just doesn't work for me". Repeat as needed. If they start with the "why not?" just say "I'm sorry I can't" over and over no matter what they propose that troubles you, and then physically get up and walk away if you have to.

Don't be an easy "mark". You didn't cause this person's problems, and you can't solve them. THEIR problems should not be allowed to run you out of YOUR home that you paid to modify, YOUR town that you've lived in and enjoyed, and away from YOUR relatives who will be there to help you when you need it. You can help someone without being taken for a sucker. If they need a ride, call them an UBER or taxi. If they need a place to stay, suggest an appropriately priced motel (There are cheap motels in almost every town). If they need money, hand them a $20 and say sorry, that's all you can manage at this time. If they're being abused, call the cops. Don't allow THEIR problem to become YOUR problem.

Last edited by TheShadow; 06-29-2019 at 07:31 AM..
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Old 06-29-2019, 08:46 AM
 
5,405 posts, read 2,813,304 times
Reputation: 10100
Short answer: No.

That person will hound you via phone, text, email, maybe snailmail, and through third parties. You’d be better off saying NO consistently and backing it up with action.

A relative of mine is very manipulative. She lives far away and still tries to make me give in to her wants. I was never close to her even when I lived near her, yet she still tries.

Moving away to escape is a false escape, and an expensive one.
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Old 06-29-2019, 09:03 AM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 15 days ago)
 
8,673 posts, read 10,828,629 times
Reputation: 12715
I wouldn't label yourself as "old" for one thing. That puts you in the mindset of "too 'old' to change." It's really a disparaging and subjective term. You can still do many things and change things for the better for as long as you are able.
Bothersome people are tough. You have to get firm. I had a neighbor once where I lived who was very intrusive and needy. She'd call me twice a day w/ her "problems." Hmm. After a few months of that, I told her to stop calling me. That solved that.
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