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Old 06-29-2019, 03:19 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,805 posts, read 1,824,401 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sand&Salt View Post
There is such a thing as the "quarantine of distance". You can escape unpleasant surroundings or people by moving. That was a side-effect of our move to another country, which we wanted on its own merits.

No one visits because it's too complicated.

I will say, though, when I was single and floating around, I wanted to move to be nearer my extended family--cousins, etc. They did warn me that they rarely even see each other, being so busy with their immediate families, so not to expect much on the socializing front.

So you might give that some thought, as you're planning to reconnect with extended family.

We moved, and we're "old", LOL. Don't let that stop you! It's a new adventure, if nothing else. No need to stagnate!
Thank you! I am ready to have some fun and new experiences!

The family I would reconnect with would be my kids, so I don't think they'd ignore me!
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Old 06-29-2019, 03:22 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,805 posts, read 1,824,401 times
Reputation: 10665
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I could never understanding moving to escape a few people. I would never do that.

I'm also confused on your relationship with family, they won't help you now with something relatively easy, but you are counting on them for something that would be a big deal (moving from across the country)?

Do you like where you live? Don't romanticize other places, it never works out. Take the opportunity NOW, to grow as a person and fix your current problems.

When DH and I were considering places to live we had completely different ideas of what we wanted. That was a little frightening until we realized, we would be happy anywhere we lived. Sure there would be some things we liked and disliked, but we could be happy anywhere. We bring the happiness with us.

Now if you just want to move for a change, then move, just make sure you are fine with money and budget some to move back. Try to do the things you envision yourself doing in the new location.... where you are at now. (sure it may be different, but a lot of it is essentially the same)
My kids are busy now and they perceive me as being independent, so they have to need to "tend to me" now. I am lucky I see them on holidays. When I am super old, they will be seniors and they are aware I might need some assistance coordinating things, at the very least.

You would understand "escaping a few people" if you had to look over your shoulder when you're in your front yard! The person has been known to just show up in crisis.
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Old 06-29-2019, 03:48 PM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,686 posts, read 1,863,297 times
Reputation: 11284
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I don't know. That is why I am asking.

I was thinking that if I got super old and infirm, then someone could help me move back (I understand it would take coordination).
You may not live to be "super old" or "infirm"...you could drop dead tomorrow.

Move if YOU want to, where you want to.

Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Have an adventure!!!
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Old 06-29-2019, 05:08 PM
 
1,629 posts, read 557,035 times
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OP, I know it is hard to change a relationship you've had with a person -- even if it's been a negative one -- because they have become so used to you acting in a certain way. Sometimes it's scary to imagine how they might react to a change in your behavior, no matter how necessary that change may become. I had a similar situation with an ex, and yes it is fear-inducing. I spent three years looking over my shoulder so I know how that feels, for sure. Or that sick feeling when the phone rings (this was in the pre-Caller-ID era.)

A piece of advice I was given, but had a hard time really internalizing at first, was in a question put to me one day by my best friend. She asked, "Why are you giving him so much power over you?" I told her I wasn't, because after all, I had physically left that situation and was living on my own. She said "But you're still letting his possible actions and reactions dictate a lot of things you do and don't do, aren't you? Why are you letting him have that kind of control over your life, in your own head?" I thought about it and realized she was right. It took a while to change those ingrained mental habits though, and to get rid of any feeling of being "obligated to him" or "guilty" for doing so.
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Old 06-29-2019, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,768 posts, read 4,822,990 times
Reputation: 19382
If I were you I might just "runaway" to your destination for a few months, rent a small placce for a few months, and give it a test drive. Then you could come back and see if all the crises have disappeared. At least with you having been gone, they would have to figure out their problems on their own for awhile, and maybe they won't be so needy when you come back. It may also take the romance out of the destination and tell you whether or not you want to stay there for good.
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Old 06-29-2019, 05:33 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,805 posts, read 1,824,401 times
Reputation: 10665
Quote:
Originally Posted by BBCjunkie View Post
OP, I know it is hard to change a relationship you've had with a person -- even if it's been a negative one -- because they have become so used to you acting in a certain way. Sometimes it's scary to imagine how they might react to a change in your behavior, no matter how necessary that change may become. I had a similar situation with an ex, and yes it is fear-inducing. I spent three years looking over my shoulder so I know how that feels, for sure. Or that sick feeling when the phone rings (this was in the pre-Caller-ID era.)

A piece of advice I was given, but had a hard time really internalizing at first, was in a question put to me one day by my best friend. She asked, "Why are you giving him so much power over you?" I told her I wasn't, because after all, I had physically left that situation and was living on my own. She said "But you're still letting his possible actions and reactions dictate a lot of things you do and don't do, aren't you? Why are you letting him have that kind of control over your life, in your own head?" I thought about it and realized she was right. It took a while to change those ingrained mental habits though, and to get rid of any feeling of being "obligated to him" or "guilty" for doing so.
Thank you! Some people call it letting others "live rent free in your head." The advice is to raise the rent and tell them to move out . . .

For me, I realized that I have been a "bit player" in this person's movie (life). And now I plan on "starring" in my own movie!

I still love the person very much - so it's not like they can be completely cut out of my life. I just have to have better boundaries and not be so sympathetic and available or try to "rescue." The person has told me I have literally saved their life numerous times, and I have a hard time figuring out what the correct moral response is when someone comes to you in need.

I am also a "nurturer" and I like to make things nice for others, and especially someone I love who is in need.

It's very challenging, but this is a life lesson, apparently.
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Old 06-29-2019, 05:35 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,805 posts, read 1,824,401 times
Reputation: 10665
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
If I were you I might just "runaway" to your destination for a few months, rent a small placce for a few months, and give it a test drive. Then you could come back and see if all the crises have disappeared. At least with you having been gone, they would have to figure out their problems on their own for awhile, and maybe they won't be so needy when you come back. It may also take the romance out of the destination and tell you whether or not you want to stay there for good.
Yes! I was just getting ready to do just that and then my dog had a medical emergency and was in ICU and now I can't take him with me on the plane - so I have to wait for long term trips till he passes - which could be up to five years! And I am not getting any younger!
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Old 06-29-2019, 05:57 PM
 
13,312 posts, read 25,542,533 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I think I would feel emotionally freer and "safer."
I am picturing a younger relative with a drug/alcohol/money problem who does represent an actual threat.
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Old 06-29-2019, 06:17 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,598 posts, read 19,931,965 times
Reputation: 45669
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Yes! I was just getting ready to do just that and then my dog had a medical emergency and was in ICU and now I can't take him with me on the plane - so I have to wait for long term trips till he passes - which could be up to five years! And I am not getting any younger!
Why not drive or take Greyhound, Amtrak or something? Granted, renting with a dog can be problematic, not sure how dog friendly the area is.
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Old 06-29-2019, 06:38 PM
 
13,040 posts, read 15,379,198 times
Reputation: 15265
Go to the other coast. You can always come back if you want. Might as well be happy in the time you have left.
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