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I am old (hence, posting in the Retirement Forum).
I have a couple of relatives who are problematic and one who actively "bothers" me.
I have been in fear of the person showing up on my doorstep (because it has happened several times).
I am a soft-touch, and have a hard time saying "no."
I have become enamored of the "other" coast. I have fantasies of moving away - but here is the catch:
I AM OLD!!!
I have a home that was remodeled so I could "age in place."
I have relatives within an hour away - so if I become decrepit, they would be relatively nearby to at least "manage" my care.
What is to consider moving FAR AWAY from family in old age?
I thought today that I could perhaps live happily "far away" for years - but if I were to get super old an infirm, then I could move back to my current home.
Then there is the prospect of moving "far away" and the difficult people coming to stay with you (I am trying to avoid them staying with me).
Thanks for ideas.
Once you are "super old and infirm" you will NOT be moving back to your old place. We have relatives that moved far away from everyone -- no children -- and now they are in their 90's and sort of want to move but don't have the energy and it is REALLY REALLY hard to make that adjustment when you are in your 90's. Everything seems overwhelming to them. Plus we all have our own extended families and issues to deal with -- also no time to go visit them all the time as they would wish.
My advice would be to get some coaching on learning how to say NO -- it is very freeing. You don't have to be mean. Just say no in a nice way -- not a lot of deep explanations. Sometimes I just say " I am sorry -- that will not work for me."
A horrible, horrible person once kept coming to stay at my place for the weekend -- mainly to park their car and use my home as a base while they did other activities in the city near me. I was so unhappy but could not get the nerve to say NO. Finally the person called and announced they would be parking their car and needing a ride to the airport and I was just quiet for a loooong time on the phone and then just said politely "NO -- I am sorry -- but you cannot park here and I cannot drive you to the airport." I never heard from them again. I was thrilled.
I learned alot from that experience. People only walk all over you if you ALLOW them.
Once you are "super old and infirm" you will NOT be moving back to your old place. We have relatives that moved far away from everyone -- no children -- and now they are in their 90's and sort of want to move but don't have the energy and it is REALLY REALLY hard to make that adjustment when you are in your 90's. Everything seems overwhelming to them. Plus we all have our own extended families and issues to deal with -- also no time to go visit them all the time as they would wish.
My advice would be to get some coaching on learning how to say NO -- it is very freeing. You don't have to be mean. Just say no in a nice way -- not a lot of deep explanations. Sometimes I just say " I am sorry -- that will not work for me."
A horrible, horrible person once kept coming to stay at my place for the weekend -- mainly to park their car and use my home as a base while they did other activities in the city near me. I was so unhappy but could not get the nerve to say NO. Finally the person called and announced they would be parking their car and needing a ride to the airport and I was just quiet for a loooong time on the phone and then just said politely "NO -- I am sorry -- but you cannot park here and I cannot drive you to the airport." I never heard from them again. I was thrilled.
I learned alot from that experience. People only walk all over you if you ALLOW them.
I understand and good for you for speaking your mind - it's hard for me because the person is someone I love and has shown up in bad condition (needing to go to hospital). It's hard to turn people in need away.
I cannot picture moving back when you are older and infirm, and maybe weak in body or health, or ailing.
How could that be done exactly? Getting others to do everything pertaining to the move? And somehow you get on a plane and travel cross country for the move back? Maybe you'd have someone to help you?
I moved again 8 months ago - just 28 blocks - hired a moving company to do all packing and moving - but it was still exhausting, requires a lot of energy, and takes physical strength - I have done all the unpacking, arranging, and organizing afterward which has been a huge job, and the big unpacking job and organizing are still ongoing.
Last edited by matisse12; 06-28-2019 at 10:00 PM..
I cannot picture moving back when you are older and infirm, and maybe weak in body or health or ailing.
How could that be done exactly? Getting others to do everything pertaining to the move? And somehow you get on a plane and travel cross country for the move back? Maybe you'd have someone to help you?
I moved again 8 months ago - just 18 blocks - hired a moving company to do all packing and moving - but it was still exhausting and requires a lot of energy - I have done all the unpacking, arranging, and organizing afterward which has been a huge job, and the big unpacking job and organizing is still ongoing.
I don't know. That is why I am asking.
I was thinking that if I got super old and infirm, then someone could help me move back (I understand it would take coordination).
Your question is a tough one to respond to without additional info:
Your actual age?
Financial status (reasonably comfortable, barely scraping by?)
Do you make new friends easily?
You comment that the person who is causing you concern is someone you love. I have no clue how to suggest a solution to your dilemma with that curve ball thrown into the mix.
If you are truly interested in testing the waters of a new location, go on vacation and check the various areas out. You might find you are either happy with the thought of moving out to the new place, or that the location didn't match your fantasies.
Your question is a tough one to respond to without additional info:
Your actual age?
Financial status (reasonably comfortable, barely scraping by?)
Do you make new friends easily?
You comment that the person who is causing you concern is someone you love. I have no clue how to suggest a solution to your dilemma with that curve ball thrown into the mix.
If you are truly interested in testing the waters of a new location, go on vacation and check the various areas out. You might find you are either happy with the thought of moving out to the new place, or that the location didn't match your fantasies.
Best of luck,
Rich
Thank you. I will be visiting again soon. I had planned to rent for a few months, but my elderly dog got sick and was in ICU and I cannot now bring him with me
I was thinking that if I got super old and infirm, then someone could help me move back (I understand it would take coordination).
How is it an 'if' of becoming old and infirm?
Everyone becomes old. (unless they die earlier) Most become somewhat infirm in some way or ways, even if it's just loss of strength or frailty.
UNLESS you mean the opposite which is just dying in your new location before becoming older with loss of strength or before infirmities. Or a sudden death before loss of strength or infirmities.
That could happen - just dying in your new location - and then no move back to your current house would be in the cards.
You do say you're already old.
Last edited by matisse12; 06-28-2019 at 11:05 PM..
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