Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If they persist after you've said no the first time, you might have to say something like "I've told you I can't help you, if you persist in asking me for something I've told you I can't give, I'll have no choice but to block your calls". And then follow through. Sometimes you have to be tough to defend your turf.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,688 posts, read 57,994,855 times
Reputation: 46166
I have found that Running Away never solves my problems.
If you have the 'perfect home' and familiar environment... I would seek a way to stay. (Long Term)
Consider an agency that could mitigate your concerns with needy family.
A short term escape may 'free-you' or make you happier at home.
Just disappear for 3 months to a yr and see if you like it before pulling the plug.
I could never understanding moving to escape a few people. I would never do that.
I'm also confused on your relationship with family, they won't help you now with something relatively easy, but you are counting on them for something that would be a big deal (moving from across the country)?
Do you like where you live? Don't romanticize other places, it never works out. Take the opportunity NOW, to grow as a person and fix your current problems.
When DH and I were considering places to live we had completely different ideas of what we wanted. That was a little frightening until we realized, we would be happy anywhere we lived. Sure there would be some things we liked and disliked, but we could be happy anywhere. We bring the happiness with us.
Now if you just want to move for a change, then move, just make sure you are fine with money and budget some to move back. Try to do the things you envision yourself doing in the new location.... where you are at now. (sure it may be different, but a lot of it is essentially the same)
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
There is such a thing as the "quarantine of distance". You can escape unpleasant surroundings or people by moving. That was a side-effect of our move to another country, which we wanted on its own merits.
No one visits because it's too complicated.
I will say, though, when I was single and floating around, I wanted to move to be nearer my extended family--cousins, etc. They did warn me that they rarely even see each other, being so busy with their immediate families, so not to expect much on the socializing front.
So you might give that some thought, as you're planning to reconnect with extended family.
We moved, and we're "old", LOL. Don't let that stop you! It's a new adventure, if nothing else. No need to stagnate!
I think you should go your own way and do exactly what you want. Your whole fam damily does not have to know where you are and how to reach you. All you need is a cellphone. Just tell everyone you are traveling. When these folks you don't want to see call you, just say you are traveling and staying in hotels right now yourself.
if you fantasize about being away, do a test-run and live there for a short while (rent a furnished place) and see if you like it --- no sense uprooting, selling, making the move without testing the waters first.....and this plan about returning to be taken care of by relatives, do they know about this plan?
There is no plan to be "taken care of by relatives." I would keep my current house, which would be great to grow old in, and they might help me coordinate care in my home.
"Ghost" the unwanted person. Use caller ID and don't answer when they call. Don't reply to their texts. Use your peephole and don't answer if they come to the door. If you go to a gathering and they are there, sit far from them, and if they engage you in conversation, after a couple minutes excuse yourself and head to the bathroom or kitchen, just move away and avoid them. Go home early if you have to. You say that you love them, but you are willing to move far away to get away from the way they use you or treat you? It doesn't sound like the love runs both ways. This Individual's requests are literally RUNNING YOU OUT OF YOUR HOME.
If you don't want to exorcise this person from your life entirely, then you must practice saying no and meaning it. Practice with a friend if you need to. Just get one or two phrases you can use and repeat them as often as needed to rebuff the person's requests. Something like "I'm sorry I can't help you" or "Unfortunately I just can't manage that at this time" or "I'm afraid that just doesn't work for me". Repeat as needed. If they start with the "why not?" just say "I'm sorry I can't" over and over no matter what they propose that troubles you, and then physically get up and walk away if you have to.
Don't be an easy "mark". You didn't cause this person's problems, and you can't solve them. THEIR problems should not be allowed to run you out of YOUR home that you paid to modify, YOUR town that you've lived in and enjoyed, and away from YOUR relatives who will be there to help you when you need it. You can help someone without being taken for a sucker. If they need a ride, call them an UBER or taxi. If they need a place to stay, suggest an appropriately priced motel (There are cheap motels in almost every town). If they need money, hand them a $20 and say sorry, that's all you can manage at this time. If they're being abused, call the cops. Don't allow THEIR problem to become YOUR problem.
Thank you for all of the ideas. Uber would be good to get to the hospital (I looked it up and they do that).
I have also been practicing saying "no" - it's just hard and it brings up all kinds of fear in me - but I have done it. They badger me, because I have always "been there" in the past.
I could never understanding moving to escape a few people. I would never do that.
I'm also confused on your relationship with family, they won't help you now with something relatively easy, but you are counting on them for something that would be a big deal (moving from across the country)?
Do you like where you live? Don't romanticize other places, it never works out. Take the opportunity NOW, to grow as a person and fix your current problems.
When DH and I were considering places to live we had completely different ideas of what we wanted. That was a little frightening until we realized, we would be happy anywhere we lived. Sure there would be some things we liked and disliked, but we could be happy anywhere. We bring the happiness with us.
Now if you just want to move for a change, then move, just make sure you are fine with money and budget some to move back. Try to do the things you envision yourself doing in the new location.... where you are at now. (sure it may be different, but a lot of it is essentially the same)
I love where I live now, but I am bored.
Where I am thinking of relocating (or living part-time, more likely), is much more exciting.
I think you should go your own way and do exactly what you want. Your whole fam damily does not have to know where you are and how to reach you. All you need is a cellphone. Just tell everyone you are traveling. When these folks you don't want to see call you, just say you are traveling and staying in hotels right now yourself.
I love this! Thank you! Great ideas.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's a new adventure, if nothing else. No need to stagnate!
