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Old 07-05-2019, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,630 posts, read 19,955,234 times
Reputation: 45705

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Just because there are opposing issues, doesn't invalidate them.

There is no "guise" - i really struggle with knowing the "right" thing to do, because I realize I never have all of the info to make a good decision.

One of my spiritual mentors has a video on "Helping an Addict," and they say: "If you see someone bleeding in the street, you help them" (as in humans should help whomever is suffering before them) - the fact that the person has shown up in distress has been very shocking and I don't know many people who could or would turn someone away in those severe conditions.

It's painful to think about - and that is the dilemma.

Just be glad you don't have this particular problem.

I had a similar problem. Mom refused to help herself financially and lived off of me. Booted her out, she now has her life under her control and is doing well.

Until you see your own role in this, you will be posting about this until they die.
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Old 07-05-2019, 11:12 AM
 
Location: planet earth
4,819 posts, read 1,835,435 times
Reputation: 10707
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
My best friend was kind of like this. The parents weren't quite retired - early 60s, when he was in his mid-20s.

He had massive substance abuse and mental health issues, mostly alcohol and opioids. It was hard to tell which came first, but ultimately, he was in and out of mental health clinics and substance abuse rehab centers for the last year of his life (26-27, and not covered by insurance). That had to be expensive. He blew off a couple ends of toes with a shotgun, then shot himself in the eye with rat-shot. There had to be a ton of money spent on his hospitalization there, and his parents had him referred to a specialized eye surgery center at UVA-Charlottesville to try and save his vision. He fell down the stairs at his parents' home while high, breaking his femur. Multiple DUIs and totaled cars - one with a loaded shotgun in the back.

His sister had a horrendous alcohol problem for years (had four DUI cases in four different states in two years or so), but her husband never had any substance abuse issues, and she's gotten back on track.

He ultimately killed himself back in 2013. Financially, his struggles had to be difficult on the family in their final working years. They were fairly affluent, so that helped brunt some of that. I think his suicide sunk his grandmother's spirits, and she died shortly thereafter after being in reasonably good health.

Tomorrow will be a week before the six anniversary of his death.
So sorry. Just tragic for all involved.
 
Old 07-05-2019, 11:14 AM
 
Location: planet earth
4,819 posts, read 1,835,435 times
Reputation: 10707
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I had a similar problem. Mom refused to help herself financially and lived off of me. Booted her out, she now has her life under her control and is doing well.

Until you see your own role in this, you will be posting about this until they die.
Of course I have a role in this because I care about the person's welfare. That is my "role."

Glad you were able to solve your problem. Every situation is different, obviously.
 
Old 07-05-2019, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,235 posts, read 12,495,497 times
Reputation: 19379
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Thank you for the information.

I have never heard before that alcohol use and Hepatitis C are correlated. I thought Hepatitis C was communicable - dirty needles or blood exposure.
Hep C is also sexually transmitted. The bodily fluids don't have to be blood.
 
Old 07-05-2019, 11:19 AM
 
487 posts, read 114,460 times
Reputation: 1096
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Just because there are opposing issues, doesn't invalidate them.

There is no "guise" - i really struggle with knowing the "right" thing to do, because I realize I never have all of the info to make a good decision.

One of my spiritual mentors has a video on "Helping an Addict," and they say: "If you see someone bleeding in the street, you help them" (as in humans should help whomever is suffering before them) - the fact that the person has shown up in distress has been very shocking and I don't know many people who could or would turn someone away in those severe conditions.

It's painful to think about - and that is the dilemma.

Just be glad you don't have this particular problem.
If they show up at your door in distress you call 911, not take them in, fix them up and send them back out.

Calling 911 IS helping someone in distress.
 
Old 07-05-2019, 11:25 AM
 
Location: North State (California)
39,494 posts, read 2,978,735 times
Reputation: 12883
There are none so blind, as those who will not see.
 
Old 07-05-2019, 11:27 AM
 
Location: planet earth
4,819 posts, read 1,835,435 times
Reputation: 10707
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMSRetired View Post
If they show up at your door in distress you call 911, not take them in, fix them up and send them back out.

Calling 911 IS helping someone in distress.
I have a lot of fear around doing this. The person has threatened they will run off, jump off a cliff, etc.

I know I need to figure it out.

I did recently read that you can call Uber to take people to the hospital (instead of ambulance). The ambulance is super expensive. I know I should not care about that and if the person was in such extreme distress that they needed an ambulance, I wouldn't have any hesitation - but it is usually "just" that they need to go to ER for less immediate care (don't want to go into details - so serious, but not something that can't wait for minutes, hours, etc. - at least the last few times).

Thank you, one-and-all - it is helping me formulate possible plans.
 
Old 07-05-2019, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,235 posts, read 12,495,497 times
Reputation: 19379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thx-1138 View Post
LOL! ^


I used to have people coming over, just wanting to "hang out," so much so that I would volunteer for overtime at work (paid of course) then stop on my way home and have a leisurely dinner some place, then perhaps take in a movie, then on weekends I'd park my car over on the next street and I'm just not home.


Also, if someone caught me by surprise and they are knocking on my door, I have my coat and keys ready and I am "just leaving," sorry, (what a "coincidence" I have to leave just as you showed up...")


Some have said develop illnesses of your own, that might be an angle.


One thing I would be careful about, say going on vacation... watch out, if they know you are not home they might come by with a friend and rob the place...


This happened to friends of mine, they went on vacation and the estranged daughter broke in with her boyfriend and stole a rather expensive doll collection she had...


But indeed, it might take some creative thinking here and perhaps some Academy Award winning acting on the part of the OP for a change... fight fire with fire.


I know it is dreadful having to live in deceit, even understandable like this, but IMO the offender doesn't really have anything coming in the first place...


Of course, you know them best OP, I'm mostly talking from my own personal experiences and regrets and hindsight here.


Thx
There is no need to lie. That will always backfire. Scammers live by the lie, and are way better at it than a normal person.
 
Old 07-05-2019, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,235 posts, read 12,495,497 times
Reputation: 19379
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
Alcoholics are called drunks, lushes, etc
What do you call Prozac addicts?
 
Old 07-05-2019, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,630 posts, read 19,955,234 times
Reputation: 45705
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
What do you call Prozac addicts?
Happy?
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