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Old 07-04-2019, 07:48 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Are you on speaking terms with the person's dad? Could you ask the dad to field this issue, since you're drained from caregiving your parents, and need to recover (or whatever reason you give)? Or simply tell the person you're not in any condition right now, yourself, to take on this project, and suggest they approach their father? You're absolutely right; dads need to step up. The dad can create a rule, that the boomerang offspring be in rehab, and sign up for medical insurance, in order to "earn" his help and support.

Good luck! Place your own self-care at the top of your priority list, iron-clad!
Thank you. The parents have always been WAY in the background . . . unavailable, basically.

 
Old 07-04-2019, 07:49 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TMSRetired View Post
And knowing you will take them in and care for them will just have them knocking at your door over and over again.
Yes. I did learn that.
 
Old 07-04-2019, 07:51 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
This sounds like there may be a mental health issue involved. S/he should probably get an evaluation. For that, they'll need the health insurance. S/he could also start seeing the local state vocational rehab office to find out what resources are available. They would advise on how/where to get an evaluation, rehab, and may arrange a meeting with someone about applying for social security, if the person is evaluated as mentally ill. They can arrange a meeting with a specialist to help them apply for Medicaid/Obamacare.

All this counseling is absolutely free. The voc rehab offices aren't exclusively about employment preparedness. They help people who may have a disability of any sort (mental or physical, PTSD, whatever), that prevents them from working.
The problem is they refuse to apply. Say they are going to, and don't.
 
Old 07-04-2019, 07:55 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightengale212 View Post
I am an R.N. and work with many Veterans with substance addictions of all types. If your family member has a long history of substance abuse and that abuse also included alcohol the likelihood that your family member at some point in time contracted Hepatitis C is very high. And if he did not have successful treatment for Hep C his bad report may indicate that not only is his liver function in serious decline from Hep C compounded by alcohol abuse, many who have contracted Hep C often end up with liver cancer. When patients are in end stage liver failure these patients health care needs rapidly increase where it is difficult to care for them at home since many become due to a build up of ammonia in their blood often become very confused and at times even combative.

Without your physical in-home care giving intervention which is a big undertaking for even the most able bodied, your family member will likely end up at some point hospitalized. And when this happens, if his status at that time indicates he is in end stage liver failure, an emergency Medicaid application is filed and quickly processed so arrangements can then be made for him to be transferred to an inpatient hospice facility. If one is not available he will be transferred to a nursing home where hospices services will be brought in to initiate comfort level of care treatments to help him have as painless as possible death.

Sorry I can't help you make your difficult decision because that kind of decision is a very personal one, but did want you to know what your family member may likely be facing which may help you to decide if you want to become involved and if so at what point you would want that involvement to happen.
Thank you for the information.

I have never heard before that alcohol use and Hepatitis C are correlated. I thought Hepatitis C was communicable - dirty needles or blood exposure.

Thank you for explaining the hospital, Medicaid, nursing home. I have been confused, because in my community homeless people are seen in the E.R. or then even admitted, and then some have been discharged, late at night in their hospital gown (just recently, the guy was in a wheel chair), in any kind of weather. If it is as you explained, why would that happen?
 
Old 07-04-2019, 07:56 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightengale212 View Post
Sorry to hear about your family member. My maternal grandfather died at the age of 52 when I was 8 months old from hemorrhage of esophageal varices caused by his alcohol abuse. It saddens me to this day that my grandfather's alcohol abuse took from me the opportunity to have my grandfather in my life. And according to my late mother this was my grandfather's biggest regret that his alcohol abuse would prevent him from seeing my older sister and I grow up but it was too late to do anything about it.
So sorry.
 
Old 07-04-2019, 08:01 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
I have been in your situation a couple of times. The common thread between my two experiences was that both of them were bat**** crazy. In both cases, my firm line was, "I can't live your life for you."

People have a tendency to settle to their lowest energy state. If someone else can be talked into providing food and shelter, they won't bother. They live by manipulating others, and you are just one more victim on their sucker list. They will play on your emotions and try to make you feel guilty. It doesn't matter if you are a friend, a relative, or a social worker, the sob story will be the same.

I can't live your life for you, and don't feel sorry for you. It's up to you to make the decisions.
I really resonate with what you have written. It's very interesting from one perspective, and very disturbing from another. The manipulations are out-of-this-world. The person had confided to me a few years ago that they were a great actor, and I have been witnessing this first-hand. Last night I Facetimed, and the performance was amazing! Tears, grimaces - the words - that I am so loved and missed - but then, a distraction, and I brought up something about myself (that I had mentioned I had gone to the doctor and was not asked 'why'), and was told "Oh yeah, why did you go to the doctor?" I didn't get a chance to answer because another person interrupted - but it was never followed up - but the TEARS were incredible.

I used to say "I can't live you life for you" to my mother. I never thought of using it with this person, but it's good advice. Thank you.
 
Old 07-04-2019, 08:02 PM
 
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Tell him what you wrote here. You love him but are unable to take care of him because . . .
 
Old 07-04-2019, 08:03 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
...and does anyone really need to cover the same ground all over again? Sorry, the good advice and reality aren't changing that fast.
Feel free to tune out.
 
Old 07-04-2019, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I know it's hard to get specific advice, especially when the facts are so sketchy.

The person got bad lab reports and called me to say they wanted to "come home to die."

First of all, my house is not their home - they have been in and out of rehabs and sober living environments.

My question was wondering what to do if the person got really sick and had nowhere to go and had the expectation that I would take care of them. I guess it was very vague - it's a problem because there are a lot of people with addictions, who must be in dire straits medically sometimes - and I am guessing "the family" is expected to care for them.

I mentioned that I have done my share of caregiving, am old, and am female, and that females are often expected to do this (and any other) kind of caregiving that is necessary.

So I was asking for advice on a personal level and also stating what the society expectations seem to be.

Since this is the Retirement Forum, I was guessing there might be others with these issues or concerns. We know addiction is a huge problem - and people have families, ergo, why the silence from others who are either having or have had this experience?

Or maybe THIS particular demographic of elders is the rare breed that does not have "such" problems in their families - and for that, they can thank their lucky stars.


You can't control other's expectations. You can control your actions.

The situation you end up with, will be the situation you choose.


It really is as simple as all that.
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Old 07-04-2019, 08:03 PM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,051,434 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
Exactly!! I don't care what the statistics say. If someone of either gender can and will provide the right care or tough love great. If they can't, they can't.
Yes - it doesn't matter if you are a male or female, if you want to take care of someone and you are capable - do it. If not, don't

Anytime someone mentions things like this - for example "boys will be boys" - it just irks me! We are people. Human beings.
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