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Old 07-06-2019, 03:21 PM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12831

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Quote:
Originally Posted by bodog57 View Post
LOL...I may not want to.

She is intelligent. Surgical Technician, but her eyes glass over when talking about money.
She might have a relationship with money that goes back into her past?

My roommate makes twice what i do, but i have to tide him over some months.

The time they were about to shut off our water, that was it and i took over all utility bills. The water guys knew me, so they just let me know and let me take care of it. He said he forgot.

I don't know why he doesn't care about paying bills. His cable and internet get paid a few minutes after they shut them off. He has the funds - he is disorganized.

We keep our money separate. I do have acces to his accounts, he wouldn't know how to get to mine.

I just gave up wondering. He does do a lot and buys a lot for the house, but paying bills????

I have a spreadsheet for mine - everything is color coded etc - automatically tallied.

Its crazy.
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Old 07-06-2019, 03:27 PM
 
347 posts, read 74,367 times
Reputation: 795
Quote:
Originally Posted by bodog57 View Post
How do I get her to follow financial discipline?
Ask yourself, WWRCD?
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Old 07-06-2019, 03:51 PM
Status: "I am Blessed." (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Spurs country. "Go, Spurs, Go!"
3,415 posts, read 3,970,488 times
Reputation: 8849
^^^^Great touch of humor here. LOL.
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:21 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,826 posts, read 1,845,165 times
Reputation: 10734
OP: There is no way. After forty-some years, you must be the world's most hopeful optimist.

You just have different ways of being in the world.

Enjoy her for her ways, and leave the financial responsibility to yourself.
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:22 PM
 
Location: Rust'n in Tustin
2,211 posts, read 2,396,686 times
Reputation: 3956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Boring View Post
Ask yourself, WWRCD?
Bang, zoom, to da moon?
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Old 07-06-2019, 04:24 PM
 
12 posts, read 5,101 times
Reputation: 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by ysr_racer View Post
Bang, zoom, to da moon?
Lol
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Old 07-06-2019, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
546 posts, read 632,425 times
Reputation: 856
Quote:
Originally Posted by LookingatFL View Post
I think I would talk to an Eldercare attorney to figure out what kind of trust I could set up that would pay the bills and give her a monthly stipend.... .

This is what I would recommend, too - either an eldercare law attorney specifically, or an experienced estate planning attorney. You don't need a huge estate to make competent estate planning pay for itself many times over in frustration and resources saved.

I would not do this yourself on using Legalzoom or whatever, because an experienced estate planner can be a great sounding board and advisor for deciding how to structure the trust and appoint as trustee. Also, it sounds like there is nothing antagonistic in your relationship - if I am reading this correctly, she just does not care about handling the money and she likes to give it away. That simplifies things a lot: You can and should go to the lawyer together so you can create a plan that "protects her from herself," but that she would be generally happy with (e.g., a trustee she trusts or respects, and provisions for distributions from the trust that are meaningful to her).

Good luck. This is very handle-able.
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Old 07-06-2019, 05:13 PM
 
12 posts, read 5,101 times
Reputation: 49
Gemini1963,

Yes, you are reading it correctly. She is who she is (a wonderful person who I would do anything for, and she for me).

We married young with no money and she has little interest in finances. Whatever we had was good enough in her eyes, but not mine.

I've received some great advice here and I believe I can move forward with this.
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Old 07-07-2019, 08:10 AM
 
10,224 posts, read 12,262,593 times
Reputation: 14109
You could automate most of the bill paying online also. Utilities, HOA, ins. etc. Then refill the checking account when it gets below a certain amount so that would likely keep the regular stuff paid.

I'd get an unlisted phone number so the telemarketers have a less likely chance of even getting to ask for money. I knew someone that purposely misspelled their name in the phone book so whenever the call came in asking for that person they knew it was a bogus call.

I use a never answered business line for all of my phone numbers. From credit cards to furniture delivery they all get that same number. The phone has the ringer off so I never hear it and I'll see any messages if I walk into the room. NEVER give out my cell number or my home number (yeah I still have one, not sure why).
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Old 07-07-2019, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,787 posts, read 4,841,461 times
Reputation: 19468
My MIL went her whole 60 year marriage without ever paying a bill. She didn't know how, literally. We tried showing her, but she just couldn't get it together. She could write a check, but couldn't handle things coming due on different dates, and the idea of using a computer was just a no-go for her. We took over after she screwed it all up really bad, and then she would just go to the bank and expect an employee to sit down and help her balance her checkbook for an hour. That's just not happening these days. We put everything on auto-pay, and we were already on her checking account, so we could monitor her spending. I don't know how FIL let this happen, but he did, and we were able to help her out, but this wouldn't work for many families if they don't trust the kids to mind the store.

Sounds like the trust is good advice, as long as she feels comfortable with her monthly "allowance" amount and feels comfortable going to the trustee for extra funds if necessary.
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