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Old 07-24-2019, 03:10 PM
 
Location: planet earth
5,018 posts, read 1,906,418 times
Reputation: 11064

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Truly betrayed?

When I was a kid, one of the neighborhood kids that always hung at my office stole a bunch of money and collectibles from me. We got some of the things back, but a lot of the things were never seen again. I never trusted him again.

When I was 21, my first real girlfriend dumped me with no notice or warning and was cheating on me. That was bad.

I had a contract job back in 2013 where the manager was really nice to me and we went back a few years professionally. He called the contracting agency, and fired me with no notice.
Now those are betrayals - it stings when people you have trusted act in such ways.

 
Old 07-24-2019, 03:16 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,436 posts, read 6,428,145 times
Reputation: 10018
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaDL View Post
Yes, I have been betrayed since I am not perfect and my life is not perfect.

Most of the betrayals which I have suffered occur AFTER I have joined the retired elders club.

Below are some of the most recent betrayals.

Few days ago, my memory betrayed me when I tried to navigate from the dim living room to my bedroom. I forgot that we have a floating fireplace in the path and banged my shin against the hearth stone slab.

Last Monday was the worst! While removing weeds on a steep hill in preparation for a new lawn, I suffered two terrible acts of betrayals! My arm betrayed me by slamming the rake hard against my leg. Then my foot betrayed me by not moving fast enough out of the way of a swinging shovel. I got a bruised ankle just below my bruised calf.

The ultimate act of betrayal was committed by my husband later that day. I decided to go soaking in the hot tub to soothe the bruises and found the stepping platform was too far away. My husband told me that he had moved it out to change the filter. He proceeded to bring it close to the hot tub and dropped it on my toes! Geez! he must have tried to get even with me for not letting him having another serving of ice cream!

Gosh, I don't know how long I will last with these frequent betrayal acts of my mind and body - with my husband as an accomplice!
Talk about real betrayal. My husband was in a raft for river rafting, after sitting on the edge of the raft for 3 hours, he later told me he had food poisoning, blame it on something we had for lunch. It turned out it was his own body, not the food.

Last edited by NewbieHere; 07-24-2019 at 04:02 PM..
 
Old 07-24-2019, 03:43 PM
 
6,745 posts, read 3,791,154 times
Reputation: 13892
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Just wondering what other people's experiences have been with betrayal.

I have been betrayed by (I am guessing - haven't actually counted) between 10-20 people.

Just had one happen today out-of-the-blue, so that's why it's on my mind, and just wondering how "normal" betrayal is.
More times than I can count. Some of those instances are still with me. Still hurtful. And I still feel stupid for not understanding the kind of people these "friends" or "boyfriends" or loved ones were.
 
Old 07-24-2019, 04:05 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,706 posts, read 3,274,740 times
Reputation: 12100
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Since it just happened yesterday, I don't think anyone could say I am wallowing.

Your comments are rude.



Thank you.
 
Old 07-24-2019, 04:10 PM
 
Location: planet earth
5,018 posts, read 1,906,418 times
Reputation: 11064
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post
More times than I can count. Some of those instances are still with me. Still hurtful. And I still feel stupid for not understanding the kind of people these "friends" or "boyfriends" or loved ones were.
It's such a hard pill to swallow!

With family - unfathomable!

With friends - shocking!

So hurtful and confusing.

I project good onto most people or I see the good in them - or I want there to be good in them - something!

And it's hard to comprehend that there are people who would stab you in the back and leave you on the streets to die and not blink an eye.
 
Old 07-24-2019, 04:23 PM
 
1,712 posts, read 597,472 times
Reputation: 3183
One thing that I eventually learned through long experience is that it's usually unwise to do either of these things

* enter into any business transaction with anyone whose original relationship with you was that of a Trusted Friend

* allow anyone with whom you have a business-transaction relationship to attain the status of Trusted Friend

because once those two relationships become merged in one's mind, it's very difficult to avoid any bumps in the road becoming boulders if the resulting higher expectations are not met.

OP, I twice had a situation similar to yours (blindsided with a bailout of an agreed transaction.) Of course I was hurt and angry and did a lot of "how could they do this to me?" mentally. In one of the cases I found out about eight years later from someone else that the person had something going on in his life that he did not want to tell anyone outside his immediate family about, nor did he want to get involved in concocting some elaborate lie. So he opted for the sudden "Look, I just can't, okay?" route with no explanation. After learning the details I understood why he did what he did; by that time he had passed away, unbeknownst to me because I had cut ties after the incident. In retrospect I felt bad that I had done that because my hurt feelings were insignificant compared to what he was having to deal with at that time.

Just a small story to illustrate that sometimes what appears to us as betrayal may instead be an action prompted by a situation that we know nothing about -- especially if it is out of character for that person, as this certainly was.
 
Old 07-24-2019, 04:32 PM
 
6,745 posts, read 3,791,154 times
Reputation: 13892
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
It's such a hard pill to swallow!

With family - unfathomable!

With friends - shocking!

So hurtful and confusing.

I project good onto most people or I see the good in them - or I want there to be good in them - something!

And it's hard to comprehend that there are people who would stab you in the back and leave you on the streets to die and not blink an eye.
Don't worry about the posters who berate you for caring. Some people haven't been betrayed to the extent that others are. And some people are those that have been the betrayers, so of course, they minimize their behavior.

Anyone who is a caring individual of course cares about being treated like a piece of crap, when you have put your trust in them. It's not being too sensitive to be hurt by betrayals. That, in fact, is the normal reaction to betrayal.

Those who say they shrug these things off and don't remember them, I wonder. Everything that happens to us becomes part of who we are now. We learn from these things. We learn to be not naive, not overly trusting, verifying, and looking at a person's character a little more deeply than we used to. Some call it cynicism. Others call it realism.

That's not to say that that's ALL we bring with us as we age. We bring it all with us. I bring the betrayals with me, as well as the shows of friendship when least expected. I bring the times someone said or did something kind. I bring the times that someone said something cruel. It's all there, in my memory.

What bothers me most, though, as I age, are the times I've been unkind to people. I've never been cruel, I think, and I don't recall betraying anyone. But I have been unkind on occasion, and this weighs heavily on me, because I can't do anything about it. So I try to watch how I treat people.
 
Old 07-24-2019, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,855 posts, read 4,812,350 times
Reputation: 28698
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
It's such a hard pill to swallow!

With family - unfathomable!

With friends - shocking!

So hurtful and confusing.

I project good onto most people or I see the good in them - or I want there to be good in them - something!

And it's hard to comprehend that there are people who would stab you in the back and leave you on the streets to die and not blink an eye.

Hey, I'm going to DQ. Anyone want anything?
 
Old 07-24-2019, 05:18 PM
 
Location: planet earth
5,018 posts, read 1,906,418 times
Reputation: 11064
Quote:
Originally Posted by BBCjunkie View Post
One thing that I eventually learned through long experience is that it's usually unwise to do either of these things

* enter into any business transaction with anyone whose original relationship with you was that of a Trusted Friend

* allow anyone with whom you have a business-transaction relationship to attain the status of Trusted Friend

because once those two relationships become merged in one's mind, it's very difficult to avoid any bumps in the road becoming boulders if the resulting higher expectations are not met.

OP, I twice had a situation similar to yours (blindsided with a bailout of an agreed transaction.) Of course I was hurt and angry and did a lot of "how could they do this to me?" mentally. In one of the cases I found out about eight years later from someone else that the person had something going on in his life that he did not want to tell anyone outside his immediate family about, nor did he want to get involved in concocting some elaborate lie. So he opted for the sudden "Look, I just can't, okay?" route with no explanation. After learning the details I understood why he did what he did; by that time he had passed away, unbeknownst to me because I had cut ties after the incident. In retrospect I felt bad that I had done that because my hurt feelings were insignificant compared to what he was having to deal with at that time.

Just a small story to illustrate that sometimes what appears to us as betrayal may instead be an action prompted by a situation that we know nothing about -- especially if it is out of character for that person, as this certainly was.
This is so important to meditate on . . . with the person who betrayed me yesterday - he is a very "nice guy" - I have been working with him for 15 years! I sensed that he is stressed beyond belief. I know "it's not personal" - it just hurt in the moment and he left me hanging high and dry. Of all the people I know - I would never had imagined HE could do this. I know there is some reason - and I actually empathize with him (which is a problem of mine - not empathizing with myself, but more with others sometimes).

Thank you for sharing your story!

I have forgiven him - I was just really hurt and I valued him - I thought as a friend.
 
Old 07-24-2019, 05:22 PM
 
Location: planet earth
5,018 posts, read 1,906,418 times
Reputation: 11064
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post
Don't worry about the posters who berate you for caring. Some people haven't been betrayed to the extent that others are. And some people are those that have been the betrayers, so of course, they minimize their behavior.

Anyone who is a caring individual of course cares about being treated like a piece of crap, when you have put your trust in them. It's not being too sensitive to be hurt by betrayals. That, in fact, is the normal reaction to betrayal.

Those who say they shrug these things off and don't remember them, I wonder. Everything that happens to us becomes part of who we are now. We learn from these things. We learn to be not naive, not overly trusting, verifying, and looking at a person's character a little more deeply than we used to. Some call it cynicism. Others call it realism.

That's not to say that that's ALL we bring with us as we age. We bring it all with us. I bring the betrayals with me, as well as the shows of friendship when least expected. I bring the times someone said or did something kind. I bring the times that someone said something cruel. It's all there, in my memory.

What bothers me most, though, as I age, are the times I've been unkind to people. I've never been cruel, I think, and I don't recall betraying anyone. But I have been unkind on occasion, and this weighs heavily on me, because I can't do anything about it. So I try to watch how I treat people.
Very thoughtful post - yes, we bring it all with us - all of it - the good and the bad - the whole mess of life.

It hurts me to think I have ever hurt people. I know I have with unconscious behaviors, but no one has told me.

I believe in the Golden Rule and karma and all of the responsibility of being a "good person." I still get angry (of course) - but I try not to act out and that's the best all of us can do - to be as self-aware as possible, and be conscious of our negative emotions and impulses to hurt others.
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