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Old 07-26-2019, 10:47 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,767 posts, read 17,704,665 times
Reputation: 27816

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Quote:
Originally Posted by AguaDulce View Post
I don't consider it helpful to keep a running tally of every violation of trust or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship, do you? Why?
I look at it like this.

A "betrayal," to me, is being profoundly violated. It's not the run of the mill stuff we encounter in the daily grind of life. It needs to be memorable.

 
Old 07-27-2019, 06:21 AM
 
Location: Milwaukee
4,435 posts, read 2,137,482 times
Reputation: 2765
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
You are technically correct. If you have read the thread though, you would see that I haven't counted, have forgiven everyone, and have moved on. I was just curious about other's experiences - I didn't title the thread accurately - I wasn't looking for an actual number - it was just a figure of speech, like "has this happened to you a lot?"
Thanks for clarifying that.
 
Old 07-27-2019, 06:27 AM
 
38,418 posts, read 15,045,899 times
Reputation: 24787
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth View Post
I can say once and it was my ex, I guess, but over the years it was the best thing he could have done, left me for the woman who took care of him until he died about 5 yrs ago. For me a whole new life opened up for me and I grabbed it all...Never married again. Friends come and go and I don't consider those betrayals.
Silver linings
 
Old 07-27-2019, 06:31 AM
 
Location: Milwaukee
4,435 posts, read 2,137,482 times
Reputation: 2765
I suffered betrayal my entire childhood. My older brother molested me from as far back as I can remember and my parents were too busy drinking and fighting and remarrying and attempting suicide to notice. Don't get me started. I never started counting because betrayal was the default mode. Luckily I grew up, escaped my original family, and found a new family.

Last edited by AguaDulce; 07-27-2019 at 06:58 AM..
 
Old 07-27-2019, 06:47 AM
 
Location: the Old Dominion
300 posts, read 152,428 times
Reputation: 1443
Default ...talking out of the side of one's mouth...

Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
You are technically correct. If you have read the thread though, you would see that I haven't counted, have forgiven everyone, and have moved on. I was just curious about other's experiences - I didn't title the thread accurately - I wasn't looking for an actual number - it was just a figure of speech, like "has this happened to you a lot?"
No, Aguadulce is not technically correct. Aguadulce is CORRECT. If you did not intend to count betrayals, then do not post it in your thread. At least have the integrity to own your posts. Go back to my previous post on this thread and see if you can follow the advice. Unless that advice does not suit your personal agenda.
 
Old 07-27-2019, 11:49 AM
 
38,418 posts, read 15,045,899 times
Reputation: 24787
I've been betrayed a number of times. Some people are like that. Have a younger sister I no longer have anything to do with because of it. Live and learn.

The posts about the husband dying, nursed by the new wife reminded me of three men I have known over the years who left their wives to get up with a younger woman. One had a stroke, another contracted cancer, and the third one was diagnosed with MS.

New wives left them when the going got tough, but no before making off with the money.

Previous wives cared for these three wandering spouses to the end.

Some years ago, my DH and I were discussing the above. He remarked that he would likely end up in a VA home being cared for by low-paid strangers.

Didn't need to lay it out for him. He understood. He could leave if he wanted, but once the door hit his butt, that was it.
 
Old 07-27-2019, 12:04 PM
 
Location: The sleepy part of New York City
2,013 posts, read 1,227,978 times
Reputation: 4429
Quote:
Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post
is this a retirement issue really or just personal relationships ? a lot of these subjects simply have an age thrown on but are not really retirement issues so to speak .
He/she always posts these random, vague, personal questions in the retirement thread for some reason known only to them.

and OP.. I can't really say I've ever felt betrayed.. disappointed maybe, but not flat out betrayal.
 
Old 07-27-2019, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,436 posts, read 54,840,114 times
Reputation: 66995
Quote:
Originally Posted by elliedeee View Post
He/she always posts these random, vague, personal questions in the retirement thread for some reason known only to them.

and OP.. I can't really say I've ever felt betrayed.. disappointed maybe, but not flat out betrayal.
Same here. I can't think of an instance where I would use the word "betrayed".

That to me sounds as if someone you trusted completely would have had to have done something really dirty to you.

Then again, maybe I've never trusted anyone that much and that's why I haven't experienced betrayal, lol.
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Old 07-27-2019, 01:00 PM
 
Location: planet earth
5,016 posts, read 1,906,418 times
Reputation: 11059
Quote:
Originally Posted by AguaDulce View Post
I suffered betrayal my entire childhood. My older brother molested me from as far back as I can remember and my parents were too busy drinking and fighting and remarrying and attempting suicide to notice. Don't get me started. I never started counting because betrayal was the default mode. Luckily I grew up, escaped my original family, and found a new family.
How horrible! Glad it all worked out for you!
 
Old 07-27-2019, 02:03 PM
 
Location: planet earth
5,016 posts, read 1,906,418 times
Reputation: 11059
I am going to try to ignore the "haters!" Lol . . .

What I have learned thus far from posting this thread:

1) Some people have never been betrayed (I would not have even considered that as possible prior to this thread).
2) Some people have been horribly betrayed and have shared some stories.
3) Some people have explained that they have been "disappointed" in people, but didn't feel the disappointments rose to the level of "betrayal."
4) There are mean-spirited people in the world and on this forum, and maybe some of the people who have attacked my character are the same types of people who actively betray others. I am not sure about this, but it did serve me to see the venom some others have against strangers. I needed to realize this on another level.
5) I can be snarky and I don't usually take attacks lying down - I "fight" back (trying to change that when it doesn't serve me to interact with someone - when it is "banging your head against the wall")
6) I realized that some people do not like to talk about "personal" subjects - again, I needed to learn this because it is totally opposite of me. I think it is "weird" that some people have criticized me for "asking personal questions" (like they didn't realize they don't have to answer ANY questions about anything) - the conclusion I made about this is that these people are likely "shut down" emotionally, and probably have a lot in common with the people I used to have to interact with in corporations - kind of robot people and I admit I have much animosity towards them, so I guess that comes out.

What I wrote above is personal and I am being vulnerable - I don't doubt that some will attack - I wonder if anyone will share any of their process or vulnerabilities on this subject or their reactions to the "audacity" I had to post this question.
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