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Old 07-27-2019, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,436 posts, read 54,840,114 times
Reputation: 66990

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In fairness, NB, someone asked you for an example in the second post, and you bit her head off and veered the conversation off to make it look as if she didn't understand the definition of the word when that wasn't her question at all.

It is curious that you refused to give personal examples of what you considered betrayals you experienced, because it does seem odd that someone would claim to experience the multiple numbers of betrayals that you have. Surely you knew this when you started the thread.

It's akin to someone claiming that they've been burglarized 20 times. It sounds very odd. Not impossible, but not likely.

So, naturally, many people here suspect that what you consider fitting the description of betrayal is not what everyone would consider fitting the description.

I got married. My exh did not apparently see marriage the same way I did, and once we had a daughter, he went downhill and worked harder at becoming the alcoholic he was destined to be. I never thought of myself as "betrayed" by my husband, though. If my situation had happened to you, would you consider that fitting the description of a betrayal? I am genuinely curious, because you honestly don't seem to grasp why people are having a hard time understanding you here.
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Old 07-27-2019, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
6,950 posts, read 3,880,342 times
Reputation: 16589
My life hasnít been that long yet, but Iíd say one time where it really mattered. Just once, but it was a doozie!
 
Old 07-27-2019, 03:36 PM
 
Location: planet earth
5,016 posts, read 1,906,418 times
Reputation: 11059
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
In fairness, NB, someone asked you for an example in the second post, and you bit her head off and veered the conversation off to make it look as if she didn't understand the definition of the word when that wasn't her question at all.

It is curious that you refused to give personal examples of what you considered betrayals you experienced, because it does seem odd that someone would claim to experience the multiple numbers of betrayals that you have. Surely you knew this when you started the thread.

It's akin to someone claiming that they've been burglarized 20 times. It sounds very odd. Not impossible, but not likely.

So, naturally, many people here suspect that what you consider fitting the description of betrayal is not what everyone would consider fitting the description.

I got married. My exh did not apparently see marriage the same way I did, and once we had a daughter, he went downhill and worked harder at becoming the alcoholic he was destined to be. I never thought of myself as "betrayed" by my husband, though. If my situation had happened to you, would you consider that fitting the description of a betrayal? I am genuinely curious, because you honestly don't seem to grasp why people are having a hard time understanding you here.
Thank you for the feedback.

On the person who initially questioned me: Yes, I did respond negatively, because it's a pet peeve of mine that people ask for definitions of commonly known words. I wasn't in the frame of mind to discuss examples at that point, because I was still in shock over the betrayal that had just happened that I was attempting to process. There is no way I would have been able to talk about past betrayals at that point - I wasn't even thinking of those, just noted to myself that I have been betrayed several times by "friends" and family (and then this business relationship).

In general, I usually don't go into a lot of personal detail about my life due to concerns about others confidentiality (it's just a weird thing of mine).

To answer your question about your husband and his alcoholism, no I would not consider that betrayal. I have had several people in my life with substance abuse issues who have done awful things to me, but I don't count those things as betrayal - I think of them as a result of their substance abuse issues (and/or personality disordered issues).

Betrayal for me is very personal - it's when you have a close relationship with someone and you TRUST them - and then they do something specific against you - meant to hurt you (or at least have no regard for how their actions WILL hurt you) - and again, this is not a husband drinking or being irresponsible or otherwise alcoholic - it's a friend who disparages you to others, or who grossly violates the friendship.

I will give one example here of a friend who betrayed me - this was my best friend of many years (probably twenty years). I spoke to her every day. I found out that she went over to my newly ex-husband's house for dinner! We talked every day and she never said a word about it! To the people who would say "Well, that is just a disappointment" . . . no, that was a betrayal - she betrayed my trust. She deliberately went behind my back and did not disclose it (and if it was innocent, why wouldn't you?). Her defense was that she was "both of our friends," but that was not true. She and I were best friends for probably ten years before I even met my husband, and afterwards, he just saw her randomly when she was visiting me (we were never all hanging out - never). So that is one example.
 
Old 07-27-2019, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Virginia
4,008 posts, read 2,064,357 times
Reputation: 11075
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Thank you for the feedback.

On the person who initially questioned me: Yes, I did respond negatively, because it's a pet peeve of mine that people ask for definitions of commonly known words. I wasn't in the frame of mind to discuss examples at that point, because I was still in shock over the betrayal that had just happened that I was attempting to process. There is no way I would have been able to talk about past betrayals at that point - I wasn't even thinking of those, just noted to myself that I have been betrayed several times by "friends" and family (and then this business relationship).

In general, I usually don't go into a lot of personal detail about my life due to concerns about others confidentiality (it's just a weird thing of mine).

To answer your question about your husband and his alcoholism, no I would not consider that betrayal. I have had several people in my life with substance abuse issues who have done awful things to me, but I don't count those things as betrayal - I think of them as a result of their substance abuse issues (and/or personality disordered issues).

Betrayal for me is very personal - it's when you have a close relationship with someone and you TRUST them - and then they do something specific against you - meant to hurt you (or at least have no regard for how their actions WILL hurt you) - and again, this is not a husband drinking or being irresponsible or otherwise alcoholic - it's a friend who disparages you to others, or who grossly violates the friendship.

I will give one example here of a friend who betrayed me - this was my best friend of many years (probably twenty years). I spoke to her every day. I found out that she went over to my newly ex-husband's house for dinner! We talked every day and she never said a word about it! To the people who would say "Well, that is just a disappointment" . . . no, that was a betrayal - she betrayed my trust. She deliberately went behind my back and did not disclose it (and if it was innocent, why wouldn't you?). Her defense was that she was "both of our friends," but that was not true. She and I were best friends for probably ten years before I even met my husband, and afterwards, he just saw her randomly when she was visiting me (we were never all hanging out - never). So that is one example.
You say you don't usually go into a lot of personal detail about your life due to concerns about others confidentiality. However, in post #192, item #6, you also say that you realized that some people don't like to talk about personal subjects, which is the total opposite of you. So which is it? You also state that "these people are likely "shut down" emotionally". Did it occur to you that people might not want to provide intimate details of the nature and number of the betrayals in their lives, not because they are "emotionally shut down", but because they don't feel it is necessary to share their private lives with you or the Interweb? BTW, I don't think it's "weird" to criticize the validity of your questions either.
 
Old 07-27-2019, 08:43 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 368,093 times
Reputation: 3873
I only got up to page four. I guess I have never been betrayed. Or else it was so insignificant I didn't notice. There are lots of ways to be betrayed, and as the OP didn't bother to give any examples, at least up to page four, it's hard to tell if OP is talking serious betrayaks or is just being nitpicky.
 
Old 07-27-2019, 09:52 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,436 posts, read 54,840,114 times
Reputation: 66990
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Thank you for the feedback.

On the person who initially questioned me: Yes, I did respond negatively, because it's a pet peeve of mine that people ask for definitions of commonly known words. I wasn't in the frame of mind to discuss examples at that point, because I was still in shock over the betrayal that had just happened that I was attempting to process. There is no way I would have been able to talk about past betrayals at that point - I wasn't even thinking of those, just noted to myself that I have been betrayed several times by "friends" and family (and then this business relationship).

In general, I usually don't go into a lot of personal detail about my life due to concerns about others confidentiality (it's just a weird thing of mine).

To answer your question about your husband and his alcoholism, no I would not consider that betrayal. I have had several people in my life with substance abuse issues who have done awful things to me, but I don't count those things as betrayal - I think of them as a result of their substance abuse issues (and/or personality disordered issues).

Betrayal for me is very personal - it's when you have a close relationship with someone and you TRUST them - and then they do something specific against you - meant to hurt you (or at least have no regard for how their actions WILL hurt you) - and again, this is not a husband drinking or being irresponsible or otherwise alcoholic - it's a friend who disparages you to others, or who grossly violates the friendship.

I will give one example here of a friend who betrayed me - this was my best friend of many years (probably twenty years). I spoke to her every day. I found out that she went over to my newly ex-husband's house for dinner! We talked every day and she never said a word about it! To the people who would say "Well, that is just a disappointment" . . . no, that was a betrayal - she betrayed my trust. She deliberately went behind my back and did not disclose it (and if it was innocent, why wouldn't you?). Her defense was that she was "both of our friends," but that was not true. She and I were best friends for probably ten years before I even met my husband, and afterwards, he just saw her randomly when she was visiting me (we were never all hanging out - never). So that is one example.
OK, thanks for responding. I would consider your friend's actions a betrayal, also.

Interestingly, my friend did something similar. There was a couple--our husbands were friends first, and then we became friends through them. We had kids close to each other, and they played together, so for a time she was a friend in that way, but she was never really a true friend. She said these nasty little underhanded things to me all the time, "You made such a beautiful bride. I couldn't believe it was you." Or "Oh, I didn't recognize you, you look so nice." I guess I was supposed to be hurt by these remarks, but I found them amusing and would go into work after the weekend and tell my coworkers "Guess what she said this time!"

I suppose you could call it a friendship of convenience. Anyway, she kept trying to call me and get together after my ex and I split, but I wasn't interested in continuing the friendship and in fact wanted to sever ties with the people in that town and the whole social circle of which my ex and I had been a part. Then I found out that the day we got divorced, she and her husband had my ex over and she cooked him a big pot roast dinner so he could sit there and cry in his beer over how I'd done him wrong.

I didn't consider it a betrayal, although it could have been classified as one. Instead, to me, it was just what I needed to justify cutting her off for good. And I did.
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Old 07-27-2019, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Exeter, NH
5,304 posts, read 4,415,194 times
Reputation: 5709
Depends on what your definition of betrayal is, and the level of betrayal you are talking about.

For behing utterly and completely betrayed by the one person in life who should have my back...twice.

So far.
 
Old 07-27-2019, 10:38 PM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,250 posts, read 2,960,217 times
Reputation: 2065
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth View Post
I can say once and it was my ex, I guess, but over the years it was the best thing he could have done, left me for the woman who took care of him until he died about 5 yrs ago.

Wait...why weren't YOU that person? His wife wasn't taking care of him in his final days? :-(
 
Old Yesterday, 08:10 AM
 
4,036 posts, read 3,245,405 times
Reputation: 13241
Quote:
Originally Posted by cebuan View Post
When I order a Whopper, it never looks like the picture on the menu. How seriously does a betrayal have to impact my life order to count?
Love this.
 
Old Yesterday, 08:16 AM
 
4,036 posts, read 3,245,405 times
Reputation: 13241
Quote:
Originally Posted by V8 Vega View Post
The title says" In your long life" so it's relevant to the retirement forum to me.
Its all perception. Im sure theres 40 year olds who have considered they have led a long life.
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