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Old Yesterday, 02:00 PM
 
875 posts, read 229,473 times
Reputation: 1463

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nancyf View Post
Like someone said...harder to make these decisions as we get older. The real idea of hubby and me moving in with the youngest and wife and two adorable grandkids is on the table again.

Some good thoughts are:
We want to move from where we are but not far away for most of the time.
It would not cost much for them and us to fix their house to accommodate us and we would have private space.
We have all lived together before and see them once a week...and lots of love felt by all of us.
We could rent our house for awhile and then escape back to it. I know all the stuff about renting.
We could sell and get a real cool vacation place for the whole family...maybe Air bnb.
I would have full reign of the yard and landscaping as I would wish.
They both work and we would have full reign of the house all day if we want.
We do have some health issues so who knows how long we are going to want to be so independent.
Already discussed what if as we get older and maybe our needs.


And then there's this:
Probably lots of babysitting...
Our neighbor had a similar arrangement with her parents. Parents paid for finishing basement as a private space. Neighbors worked and children went to school and the neighborhood was relatively young families who worked. Parents were retired and would walk around the neighborhood and looked bored as there were no neighbors close to their age.

I don't think the neighbor husband was thrilled but since the in-laws helped with the downpayment on the home he tolerated it.

After a couple of years, father-in-law died and the mother-in-law decided she wanted to move. Son-in-law refused to compensate her for the monies paid for home downpayment and basement remodeling. He told her she would be compensated when they sold the home. This was about ten years ago. I don't know if she was ever compensated as they have not yet sold the home.

If you are going to spend any significant money on the home, discuss whether you will be reimbursed if it doesn't work out.
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Old Yesterday, 03:06 PM
 
6,352 posts, read 4,784,468 times
Reputation: 13054
Our older daughter, husband and 2 kids moved in with us. My wife wanted this. She looked and looked and finally found a suitable house where we could partition the house and add a separate kitchen. We had a small LR, small kitchen, 2 baths and a BR. They had a LR, DR, office, 3 BR, 2 bath and a kitchen. We each had our own laundry. We subsided most of the costs and had minimal space.

We did a lot of baby sitting for sick days, work days with no school or camp, etc. Long term we thought we would benefit with inhouse backup support if we needed it.

My daughter is dying to get her own place and is waiting for the final steps before closing. So after subsidizing their costs, we are going to end up with an oversized house. It will be nice to spread out but we also will have a house that is costly and is not what we would have bought. We have to decide if we are going to move, get a renter, or more probably just eat the costs. My daughter and the son inlaw will have to stretch their budgets to pay more than twice what they previously contributed. The father in law thinks we should all get together and help them cover costs. My wife and I are not in the mood for that.
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Old Yesterday, 03:12 PM
 
38,432 posts, read 15,053,920 times
Reputation: 24809
We know several multigenerational families. All seem to be fine with it.

The parents appreciate living in a lively household and being part of their grandchildren's lives.

The kids appreciate the extra sets of eyes and arms and the help with the cooking.

The grandkids appreciate all the love and attention.

One family recently sold the home they were all living in together and moved to Florida and bought a home together there.

From what I can tell, it seems work best if each family has separate space and they all have shared space. One family lives in a three story home. One family lives upstairs, one downstairs, and they share the main floor.
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Old Yesterday, 03:17 PM
 
38,432 posts, read 15,053,920 times
Reputation: 24809
Quote:
Originally Posted by jrkliny View Post
Our older daughter, husband and 2 kids moved in with us. My wife wanted this. She looked and looked and finally found a suitable house where we could partition the house and add a separate kitchen. We had a small LR, small kitchen, 2 baths and a BR. They had a LR, DR, office, 3 BR, 2 bath and a kitchen. We each had our own laundry. We subsided most of the costs and had minimal space.

We did a lot of baby sitting for sick days, work days with no school or camp, etc. Long term we thought we would benefit with inhouse backup support if we needed it.

My daughter is dying to get her own place and is waiting for the final steps before closing. So after subsidizing their costs, we are going to end up with an oversized house. It will be nice to spread out but we also will have a house that is costly and is not what we would have bought. We have to decide if we are going to move, get a renter, or more probably just eat the costs. My daughter and the son inlaw will have to stretch their budgets to pay more than twice what they previously contributed. The father in law thinks we should all get together and help them cover costs. My wife and I are not in the mood for that.
No kidding.

If the FIL wants to help with the costs, go for it. You've subsidized their existence long enough.

If you decide to sell, multigenerational homes are in hot demand in some areas.

We live in the Raleigh/Durham area and many families move here from overseas. If their parents don't live with them, they visit for months at a time. Multigenerational homes are at a premium.
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Old Yesterday, 04:29 PM
 
Location: Rust'n in Tustin
2,270 posts, read 2,433,069 times
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I can't think of a worse thing I could do to my kids.

Your millage my vary.
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Old Yesterday, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Florida
5,305 posts, read 3,057,367 times
Reputation: 9660
My sister who has been widowed for 25 years lives in a 4 bedroom house. She is 90 and has slowed down a lot. Her grandson, wife and 2 little girls have moved in with her and it is working very well. She can mind the kids while parents are at work and parents keep the house up.

They built a fence around the pool which they all enjoy plus they handle chores like cutting grass.
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Old Yesterday, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,149 posts, read 17,469,326 times
Reputation: 41847
Quote:
Originally Posted by jrkliny View Post
Our older daughter, husband and 2 kids moved in with us. My wife wanted this. She looked and looked and finally found a suitable house where we could partition the house and add a separate kitchen. We had a small LR, small kitchen, 2 baths and a BR. They had a LR, DR, office, 3 BR, 2 bath and a kitchen. We each had our own laundry. We subsided most of the costs and had minimal space.

We did a lot of baby sitting for sick days, work days with no school or camp, etc. Long term we thought we would benefit with inhouse backup support if we needed it.

My daughter is dying to get her own place and is waiting for the final steps before closing. So after subsidizing their costs, we are going to end up with an oversized house. It will be nice to spread out but we also will have a house that is costly and is not what we would have bought. We have to decide if we are going to move, get a renter, or more probably just eat the costs. My daughter and the son inlaw will have to stretch their budgets to pay more than twice what they previously contributed.

The father in law thinks we should all get together and help them cover costs. My wife and I are not in the mood for that.

I'm confused. You and your wife subsidized most of the house purchase and expenses & had the smaller living space, plus were part time babysitters.

You will be left with an oversized house and the husband's father thinks that you should chip in to support that family when they move out??? IMHO, the FIL is delusional. I can see why you and your wife are "not in the mood" to continue to subsidize daughter, SIL & their two children. Sheesh!

Last edited by germaine2626; Yesterday at 06:57 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 06:20 PM
 
2,241 posts, read 769,699 times
Reputation: 5717
One bad story- my parents had neighbors consisting of a husband and wife (and maybe kids) plus the wife's mother. Apparently there were personality conflicts and it wasn't working out, but it couldn't be "unwound" because the mother had sold her house and put the equity into the house with her daughter and son-in-law and part of her SS paid the monthly expenses. They couldn't afford the house without her money.

Any arrangement should be reversible if it doesn't work out for some reason.
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Old Yesterday, 06:21 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,149 posts, read 17,469,326 times
Reputation: 41847
Quote:
Originally Posted by engineman View Post
My sister who has been widowed for 25 years lives in a 4 bedroom house. She is 90 and has slowed down a lot. Her grandson, wife and 2 little girls have moved in with her and it is working very well. She can mind the kids while parents are at work and parents keep the house up.

They built a fence around the pool which they all enjoy plus they handle chores like cutting grass.
They are expecting a 90 year old woman who has "slowed down a lot" to care for two little great-grandchildren while the parents work? A 90 year old woman who has "slowed down a lot"? Really, it is working well? For how long has it worked out?

I am sorry if I seem skeptical, but I wonder what will happen if/when grandma has a stroke or heart-attack or falls or has another serious health issue and double whammy ---and can not care for her great-grandchildren anymore and needs full time care herself? I really hope that the grandson is just as willing to live with grandma then.

IMHO, there is a HUGE difference between someone moving into their elderly parent/grandparent's house to help with the older person's caregiving and middle age/elderly parents moving into the house owned by their adult children.

Last edited by germaine2626; Yesterday at 07:05 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 06:26 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
6,965 posts, read 3,883,182 times
Reputation: 16615
I wouldn’t have an issue with my parents moving in with me. I love them and have always gotten along well with them. I lived with them for the first 18 years of my life and it worked out ok. Lol
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