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Old 07-30-2019, 10:13 AM
 
Location: equator
3,817 posts, read 1,676,681 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marino760 View Post
It's very much a cultural thing as well. The U.S. culture for whatever reason has put a stigma on older people living with their adult children when in many other countries it's rather normal. The same goes with people leaving home when they turn 18. In many cultures most people live at home with their parents until they are married, not when a specific date on the calendar happens.

I'm not sure if there is another culture in the world that looks down on parents and adult children living together for specific reasons as much as it's looked down on in the U.S.
Yes, odd, isn't it? Older parents all live with the kids here. Our translator said, "I always expected it, so we planned our house that way." True, they do babysit and so forth. So, there are no retirement or nursing homes here.

I noticed this in Hawaii, too. Even more, adult kids living with parents...the upside is, you would see several generations all hanging out together for picnics or beach time.

But it does beg the question of what if the parent needs more care than the kid can provide?
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Old 07-30-2019, 10:33 AM
 
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For many years, my grandmother moved in with my mother and father. I was only there for a short time of it, as I was a junior in high school, and then after graduation I moved to another city for college and was gone for 5 years. When I came back for a short time after college, she had been moved to an assisted living group home as her health had gone downhill during that time and she could no longer be trusted to care for herself/not burn the house down.



She had her own wing of my parent's house, a bedroom, tv/sitting room, and her own bathroom. She could shut the doors to that wing of the house to have her privacy, while still being close by if she needed help. This situation worked fine for years, granted, this was in TX and my parents had a 3200 sq ft home, and her area was probably about 500 sq ft of that. Living in a smaller sized home could present challenges if people didn't have their own space.


It saved her from having to go through her retirement savings for years, instead she contributed to household expenses and meals for the family, as well as cooking. I'd always envisioned that my own mother would live with my wife and I when she got too old, and these were things I discussed with her before we ever got married.
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Old 07-30-2019, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,538 posts, read 8,537,791 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sand&Salt View Post
Yes, odd, isn't it? Older parents all live with the kids here. Our translator said, "I always expected it, so we planned our house that way." True, they do babysit and so forth. So, there are no retirement or nursing homes here.

I noticed this in Hawaii, too. Even more, adult kids living with parents...the upside is, you would see several generations all hanging out together for picnics or beach time.

But it does beg the question of what if the parent needs more care than the kid can provide?
Multi generational living in places like Hawaii is because housing prices are out of reach of most workers. It isn't a choice.

It's very common here in South Florida also because wages are so low and housing is extremely expensive.
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Old 07-30-2019, 10:58 AM
 
Location: NYC
3,069 posts, read 1,667,546 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marino760 View Post
It's very much a cultural thing as well. The U.S. culture for whatever reason has put a stigma on older people living with their adult children when in many other countries it's rather normal. The same goes with people leaving home when they turn 18. In many cultures most people live at home with their parents until they are married, not when a specific date on the calendar happens.

I'm not sure if there is another culture in the world that looks down on parents and adult children living together for specific reasons as much as it's looked down on in the U.S.

As a senior in high school 1969 & reflecting about the future looming ahead of me, I casually mentioned in passing one day to my father that after graduating from college I would most likely live in the city, not suburban life like we had moved to 10 years previously. I had been wondering about my future life as an independent adult & wasn't at all prepared for his instant: "Absolutely Not! You'll live at home until you get married."

This was such an unexpected bolt out of the blue to me that I didn't even challenge it as the rebellious 17yo I was then, I uncharacteristically let it go. I hadn't realized that as a first generation American son of immigrants & high school dropout, his frame of reference about this would be so far removed from mine, a college-bound voracious reader coming of age in the 60's & fully invested in all that meant. I mean we had all the typical differences about life but I had never heard that specific expectation before & it was like reading a note from another century. I never brought it up again because the die was already cast years earlier for me.

I have a large amount of family in Europe & I can assure you that it isn't the US that is "looking down" on parents & adult children living together, modern life is international & my cousins are all over the globe earning their living just as Americans, those who are trying to better themselves economically, have to move to where the work is in the US. And my experience is that many parents don't want to uproot in old age to be near where the kids have ended up. It's a new dilemma.
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Old 07-30-2019, 11:31 AM
 
Location: La Jolla
352 posts, read 176,455 times
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My parents built a separate guesthouse for my grandparents when my grandfather was in the early stages of Alzheimer's. The house has it's own kitchen and a separate small fenced yard. My grandfather eventually needed more care and moved to an Alzheimer's facility and has since passed. My grandmother is 90 and still lives there. It has worked out well for my parents for the past 20 years. When my grandparents moved in my youngest brother was already away at college so there were no kids at home.
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Old 07-30-2019, 12:29 PM
 
760 posts, read 243,941 times
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Separate living quarters would make it easier to keep a eye on the parent and help if necessary. It’s much different than sharing living space if everyone has good boundaries.
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Old 07-30-2019, 02:39 PM
 
6,566 posts, read 3,054,506 times
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If I can't welcome family...no matter the age or ailment...I think the mirror will tell me who needs improvement.
I come from the background of a community where multi generational living sustained the family dynamics. Each member carried important roles.
I cannot ask a non experienced person to understand its impact in ethics and social mores'. It's just not there for the person to relate...
Would I encourage it? Depends on how each can adjust. Some folks are fluid...
Go for it.
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Old 07-30-2019, 05:01 PM
 
4,215 posts, read 1,691,249 times
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well, good and bad.
my FIL was the good part.
my MIL was the bad part.

please....do not be the bad MIL.
it ruins all the good parts.
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Old 07-30-2019, 09:35 PM
 
10,463 posts, read 6,483,548 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaJollaEast View Post
My parents built a separate guesthouse for my grandparents when my grandfather was in the early stages of Alzheimer's. The house has it's own kitchen and a separate small fenced yard. My grandfather eventually needed more care and moved to an Alzheimer's facility and has since passed. My grandmother is 90 and still lives there. It has worked out well for my parents for the past 20 years. When my grandparents moved in my youngest brother was already away at college so there were no kids at home.
We are planning on building a small detached guesthouse for relatives too. I think detached helps with the privacy, that's important. If families get along, I don't see the problem. The small fenced yard is a great idea for them to putter around. I was going to ask for tips in the Caregiving Forum, but quickly changed my mind. Those people seem to hate their parents and in-laws, so sad.
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Old 07-30-2019, 09:59 PM
 
Location: Rust'n in Tustin
2,461 posts, read 2,532,167 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sand&Salt View Post

But it does beg the question of what if the parent needs more care than the kid can provide?
Not, what if, but when. It's a short term fix at best.
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