U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-04-2019, 09:16 AM
 
239 posts, read 82,958 times
Reputation: 649

Advertisements

It’s hard to read many of these posts (my own included). As much damage as poor parenting can cause, we’re survivors. And hopefully we’re more compassionate people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-04-2019, 09:20 AM
 
3,084 posts, read 2,046,428 times
Reputation: 6124
Quote:
Originally Posted by christianstad View Post
I would say mine was not so good as dad was a drinker and that caused so many problem for our family of six.

Money was always a problem plus the endless fighting.

It just brought so much tension into our lives.

We were always begging him to take "the pledge" at Church and I think he did take it but just couldn't keep it.

He was always late coming home (in the local tavern) and then would be crabby when he got there, looking for something to argue about, find fault, etc.

There were some great memories I love to think about though....like the 4th of July when my brothers would put on a little fireworks display in the backyard (we had great, long time neighbors) and invite everyone over to watch and our week long vacation at a lake when mom would take out an FHA loan to pay for and then pay it off bit by bit all year. Those were good times.

Anyone else care to share their thoughts on the good and bad parts of their childhood?
Oh - now that I'm 75 and 'have thought so much about all this I have to say I don't blame Dad so much anymore as his life (flat janitor) was very, very hard with the tenants always calling up with endless complaints and he kept their buildings in top shape! He always was a perfectionist about work and home maintenance.

I can see how going to the tavern, hanging out with the other men after work was a relief for him, he just didn't want to come home.
He was a good man and a hard worker - back breaking work.

Safe neighborhood, cousins and neighbors to play with, relatives to visit, weekends in The Big City, summers at the beach.

My childhood would be considered idyllic had my parents not clearly disliked me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2019, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Texas of course
574 posts, read 274,182 times
Reputation: 2987
Reflecting on your childhood, how was it, overall?

It was pretty bad, the only good memories I have are those with the friend I grew up with. A lot of damage was done but I finally learned in my 60's to let it all go, release the pain and to forgive. Carrying all that does just as much damage. Regardless of what was done, they were my parents and I did love them. I like to think that somewhere deep inside, they loved me..... at least a little bit.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2019, 09:59 AM
 
Location: Washington State
18,926 posts, read 9,749,807 times
Reputation: 16134
Quote:
Originally Posted by christianstad View Post
I would say mine was not so good as dad was a drinker and that caused so many problem for our family of six.

Money was always a problem plus the endless fighting.

It just brought so much tension into our lives.

We were always begging him to take "the pledge" at Church and I think he did take it but just couldn't keep it.

He was always late coming home (in the local tavern) and then would be crabby when he got there, looking for something to argue about, find fault, etc.

There were some great memories I love to think about though....like the 4th of July when my brothers would put on a little fireworks display in the backyard (we had great, long time neighbors) and invite everyone over to watch and our week long vacation at a lake when mom would take out an FHA loan to pay for and then pay it off bit by bit all year. Those were good times.

Anyone else care to share their thoughts on the good and bad parts of their childhood?
Oh - now that I'm 75 and 'have thought so much about all this I have to say I don't blame Dad so much anymore as his life (flat janitor) was very, very hard with the tenants always calling up with endless complaints and he kept their buildings in top shape! He always was a perfectionist about work and home maintenance.

I can see how going to the tavern, hanging out with the other men after work was a relief for him, he just didn't want to come home.
He was a good man and a hard worker - back breaking work.
Family life was overall good, location (southern Louisiana) was okay, education was above average, sports success helped with the girls, young health issues were challenging, no material wealth when young led to later motivation...so overall, I guess probably a B.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2019, 10:34 AM
 
Location: State of Denial
1,929 posts, read 977,445 times
Reputation: 10281
I had a good childhood. Loving parents, highly involved grandparents. We didn't have a lot of money but we got everything we needed and an adequate amount of what we wanted.


We were disciplined, but not harshly and probably not as much as we deserved...LOL.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2019, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,464 posts, read 7,986,179 times
Reputation: 53676
My childhood was horrendous. Both of my parents were alcoholics, and both were abusive. I was slapped around by my mother for no reason until I got old enough to hit back. My father tried to touch me inappropriately and I told my mother right away. Those advances stopped but the abuse by my mother escalated. I was around 13 when my father would come into my room. He would be drunk lying naked on his bed with the door open. He also beat my mother in front of us. I hit her back when I was around 14 and the abuse stopped, except for the emotional abuse.

There was absolutely no love in our house. It was every man for himself. I bought myself a puppy when I was around 14 from a pet shop from the money I saved with my paper route and baby sitting. That dog was my salvation. I taught him tricks and we were inseparable until one night when my drunk father left him out on a cold winter night. He got out of the yard and I never saw him again. For me, it was devastating.

I couldn't wait to escape the malignancy of that house. I was out by 19, which was not easy, but at least I was free of them. Dysfunctional people should not reproduce.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2019, 11:14 AM
 
Location: In a vehicle.
5,092 posts, read 3,260,385 times
Reputation: 8300
Well, living in a lily white suburb we'd never had any issues till we got beyond elementary...Dad committed suicide when I was 4. Mom had to work to raise 3 kids, she did her best.... She lied about things she just didn't want the truth to be known, or didn't want us thinking she was ignorant (Which she was about things) sometimes she'd verbally abuse me or older sister, sometimes she and older sister would verbally abuse me...Younger sister was Mom's pet...So, she got what she asked for....

Was this terrible? Well, I'd have to say it was, but for other reasons... I do believe I haven't come to grips with it all yet, may never either...


Funny. I actually talked once with a direct boss at a company. He told me of his upbringing. How his childhood vacations were like and where. He said something about his great relationship with his parents and then said "What was yours like?" I replied "How many times did your parents say they loved you?"

He said "Wow, it was like every week darn near."

I replied "I can count on two hands minus 6 fingers the times I heard it"...

He just stared at me.....When you don't hear it or feel it....Well, you do things that aren't so nice and I regret that to this day..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2019, 12:09 PM
 
17 posts, read 3,891 times
Reputation: 66
Default I wish it was over at 19

Overall, I think some people should not have kids. If you are not mature enough to take care of them, if you don't want to be a parent, don't. I feel sad for everyone that suffered, and reading these posts is difficult. In my case, it is hard to deal with the fact that my father did not like me. It was like that right up until he passed away, and there is no fixing it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2019, 01:39 PM
 
506 posts, read 370,253 times
Reputation: 1707
Mine was up and down. However, my mom got really sick so both parents were pretty much unavailable from my ages of 8-16. I went through puberty and major life lessons alone. This lack of guidance has plagued me even into my adulthood.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2019, 06:05 PM
 
Location: northern New England
2,531 posts, read 1,108,687 times
Reputation: 9828
Wow, so many sad stories. I wish I could give you all a big group hug.



One thing that stands out is the bitterness of those who were physically abused (as well they should be). Doesn't really jibe with the meme of "I got whooped and I turned out OK." People who still beat their kids should read these posts and ask themselves, is that the way you want your kids to remember you?


So anyway, mine was good as long as my mom was alive. She didn't marry until age 40 (taking care of ill parents) and had me in her mid-forties. She died when I was 9. My dad was like a non-entity in the house, he worked and came home and quietly drank. When he was left with 2 kids to raise he was not prepared at all. He met and married a widow with 2 kids of her own. It didn't work out.



For the last 3 years of high school, I lived with a foster family, privately arranged by my dad who paid them $50 a week to take care of me. And he lived in the same town, in an apartment. It wasn't until years later I thought to wonder WHY he didn't want me to live with him. The foster family was not an ideal place. I was an unpaid baby sitter and the father was not the type of person that should have had an unrelated teenage girl living in the house with him. If you get my drift.
__________________
Moderator posts will always be Red and can only be discussed via Direct Message.
C-D Home page, TOS (Terms of Service), How to Search, FAQ's, Posting Guide
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top