Retirees, is sex still important to you? (crying, accident, relationship)
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I'm 62, hubs is 63. At least twice a week, if not more. Some physical issues that need some special attention occasionally, but we both enjoy the intimacy. One Saturday morning, daughter called and said she was stopping by -- I told her to give us 30 minutes, and then stop by, and she asked "Why?" "We're busy." "Oh, anything I can help with?" "No, dear . . ." followed by a long silence. It suddenly clicked and she was like, "WHAT?!?!?" I just laughed and hung up. So much fun to embarrass your adult kids!
From those I know in their 70's I'd say it is accurate. I think their wives don't prioritize it as much as the husbands do. For me it's super important. I'd say I have much more of a libido than my wife does. So I have to accept her timetable. But lucky for me she still has a timetable for it. But if I didn't bring up the subject on a regular basis and just waited for her to initate, I believe it would be much less. So yes, light nagging/reminding and keeping the topic alive does work.
Sex does come up on DH's radar at more regular intervals than mine.
In our twenties, it was about every five minutes. If I had gone along with his schedule, we never would have done anything else. I think now it is down to about every fifteen minutes or so. For me, it is a couple times a day. So synching up has not been a huge problem.
Sex has waxed and waned over the years. There were times when he didn't put in a lot of effort into loving me. Took me for granted. Let me carry the burden of caring for our kids and our home. Because of the children and our financial situation, I was stuck. My interest in sex waned.
For a time there, I thought that once the kids were grown, we would probably go our separate ways.
We reconnected when they were teens. I'm glad we did. It is grand sharing this part of the journey with a long-time buddy.
But I would have been okay with going our separate ways as well. I certainly would not have spent the rest of my life with a man who took me for granted, who didn't bother to make much of an effort to love on me.
Anyway, enough of my story.
I'm curious. How do you remind your wife about sex?
So, from what I can tell, retired men are more interested in sex than retired women.
Would that be an accurate assessment?
I'd bet it is...just for the biological part alone. We don't go through the change of life...nor does our focus 100% change gears (to support of extended family, caregiving) in many (most?) cases.
Dollars to Donuts the stats would show that healthy men over 60 think more about it (and do various things about it) then females.
That's not meant to be a put-down of any sort. Sex is for reproduction but we have turned it into social status, sport and recreation.
Ah.........
"Above 50 years, more women (56.6%) had stopped sexual activity at some time due to varied reasons than men (16.6%)......
I was married briefly a long time ago. I think of my married retirement age friends and I'm jealous of their 50 60 years of regular sex that I missed out on. I had more variety but still.
I have a couple of friends who married their high school sweetheart. It's possible they never even kissed another.
I go to a big Bible believing very strict church. There are all these ravishing beauties 40 year olds who it seems have little chance of getting married. I feel sorry for them.
Sex does come up on DH's radar at more regular intervals than mine.
In our twenties, it was about every five minutes. If I had gone along with his schedule, we never would have done anything else. I think now it is down to about every fifteen minutes or so. For me, it is a couple times a day. So synching up has not been a huge problem.
Sex has waxed and waned over the years. There were times when he didn't put in a lot of effort into loving me. Took me for granted. Let me carry the burden of caring for our kids and our home. Because of the children and our financial situation, I was stuck. My interest in sex waned.
For a time there, I thought that once the kids were grown, we would probably go our separate ways.
We reconnected when they were teens. I'm glad we did. It is grand sharing this part of the journey with a long-time buddy.
But I would have been okay with going our separate ways as well. I certainly would not have spent the rest of my life with a man who took me for granted, who didn't bother to make much of an effort to love on me.
Anyway, enough of my story.
I'm curious. How do you remind your wife about sex?
The converstaion is usually a reminder that it's been a while and we should do it again soon. We will then agree on a day and time. If we miss the date due to either of us not being up to it then I'll bring it up again a day or two later. Not bringing it up at all doesn't work.
I was married briefly a long time ago. I think of my married retirement age friends and I'm jealous of their 50 60 years of regular sex that I missed out on. I had more variety but still.
I have a couple of friends who married their high school sweetheart. It's possible they never even kissed another.
I go to a big Bible believing very strict church. There are all these ravishing beauties 40 year olds who it seems have little chance of getting married. I feel sorry for them.
Don't be so sure of that. For a while, I targeted the religious 40 year old beauties, even married one (what a mistake that was, and quickly corrected!).
To a person, they were, shall we say, voracious. If their sexuality was repressed, it certainly didn't show. I know, I know, it sounds predatory to say I targeted the religious beauties, but I found out by accident after dating two of them that they were anything but timid.
Great in bed, but not great relationship material, especially if one is an atheist. One can only be a dog for so long, and I now want a good relationship first, and secondly, that great sex.
The converstaion is usually a reminder that it's been a while and we should do it again soon. We will then agree on a day and time. If we miss the date due to either of us not being up to it then I'll bring it up again a day or two later. Not bringing it up at all doesn't work.
Is there some reason you have to plan a date and time? Are you in separate locations? Couldn’t you just do a few romantic gestures and have sex spontaneously? Maybe there is some reason your wife has to be reminded. Instead of phrasing it that we “should do it again soon,” it “should” be we’d enjoy doing it again soon. Then maybe not so much time would pass between. I don’t ever remember planning a date and time for our lovemaking.
I don't know. Are you both in your 70's, have any health issues, get tired easily, fall asleep on the sofa before bed time? We are in the same house. Is your wife 20 years past menapause? Planning works best for us. Spontaneous not so much. It happens that way some times, but not reliably. A few romantic gestures to initiate sex would be silly and quite transparent if she's not in the mood. We don't play those games and never did. Honesty is the best policy. And we both are happy with the result.
Quote:
Originally Posted by funisart
Is there some reason you have to plan a date and time? Are you in separate locations? Couldn’t you just do a few romantic gestures and have sex spontaneously? Maybe there is some reason your wife has to be reminded. Instead of phrasing it that we “should do it again soon,” it “should” be we’d enjoy doing it again soon. Then maybe not so much time would pass between. I don’t ever remember planning a date and time for our lovemaking.
After I broke up with my long-term BF in 2007, I was glad to not have that chore anymore. (I mean, it felt like a chore after 7 years of him.) But now at age 69, I would like to give it one more whirl before I die. Problem is, I cannot imagine I'd be turned-on by anyone my age. They look too...old! But I doubt a younger guy would want my 69-year-old a** either. So...probably not gonna happen.
Ah.........
"Above 50 years, more women (56.6%) had stopped sexual activity at some time due to varied reasons than men (16.6%)......
A vast difference, as it would seem.
OK, I'll pause for a moment so someone can make the vas deferens joke.
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<clears throat> Now that we have that out of the way, I guess it's time for my periodic reminder about women and hormones.
After menopause, a decrease in hormones causes a number of unhappy changes in the female reproductive system. Our clitorises tend to shrink, for example, leading to "Um, it was just there yesterday" discoveries. And I've lost nearly all my body hair. Let's not forget that pubic hair acts as a cushion against friction while you're bumping uglies.
For many of us, our vaginas atrophy. The walls of the vagina thin due to decreased estrogen, sex becomes very painful and no amount of lubricant will help. Trust me, we've tried.
We still feel desire, at least I do. But acting on it is a little more tricky. We're still figuring it out.
Men, a word:
This is the time of life when you have to stop thinking solely of your own needs. Now, I'm sure every man reading the Retirement forum regularly is a careful considerate giving sort of lover. After all, your wife wouldn't have let you live this long if you weren't. But just in case a stranger waltzes in who wants to complain about his wife never having sex with him any more, remember that you have to give something if you want to get something. And for heaven's sake, don't nag. Nothing kills desire faster.
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 08-14-2019 at 01:07 PM..
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But I doubt a younger guy would want my 69-year-old a** either. So...probably not gonna happen.
But just in case a stranger waltzes in who wants to complain about his wife never having sex with him any more, remember that you have to give something if you want to get something. And for heaven's sake, don't nag. Nothing kills desire faster.
