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Old 08-19-2019, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,669 posts, read 9,778,658 times
Reputation: 11141

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Quote:
Originally Posted by yet_another_userid View Post
Yes. I sometimes wonder if those who talk about paying their nieces to care for them physically, consider that those nieces may be caring for their own parents by that time? It might become a problem if there are no contingencies set up.

Money is only a claim on a person’s labor - if there is no person available then no money in the world would help that.

I have two nieces and a nephew that would take care of me in a New York second if I needed them. Both parents are deceased but we've always been very close. Also my son and his wife. Unfortunately they all live far far away. I have family close by here but might as well not have. They don't stay in touch and if it weren't for Facebook I wouldn't know what's up with any of them. Not EVER going to count on them for anything.
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Old 08-19-2019, 01:48 PM
 
927 posts, read 544,556 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
Glad to know someone agrees with me. One thing I've noticed is how many seniors who never themselves were caregivers to seniors have totally unrealistic expectations of others when it comes to their own later years.

This is very true. My dad's parents both died in their early 60's when my dad and his siblings were barely in their 40's. Now he and his siblings are in their 70's/80's and have loads of chronic illnesses that require frequent doctor trips and hospitalizations. No one is at the full-care/bedridden stage yet, but we all can see it coming. It's tough because they are all determined to "stay independent" but with my dad he has no idea how much stress and inconvenience he puts on his kids with demanding that he continue living in his house. He fully depends on us to manage his meds, food, dr visits, house upkeep, etc, but makes no concessions for how that puts us out. I often think how when he was our age his parents had been gone a good 15+ years and he never had to think about anyone but himself.
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Old 08-19-2019, 04:13 PM
 
7,027 posts, read 3,975,633 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coloradomom22 View Post
This is very true. My dad's parents both died in their early 60's when my dad and his siblings were barely in their 40's. Now he and his siblings are in their 70's/80's and have loads of chronic illnesses that require frequent doctor trips and hospitalizations. No one is at the full-care/bedridden stage yet, but we all can see it coming. It's tough because they are all determined to "stay independent" but with my dad he has no idea how much stress and inconvenience he puts on his kids with demanding that he continue living in his house. He fully depends on us to manage his meds, food, dr visits, house upkeep, etc, but makes no concessions for how that puts us out. I often think how when he was our age his parents had been gone a good 15+ years and he never had to think about anyone but himself.

Amazing how they can still think of their kids as "kids" to whom they can just assign tasks and expect compliance. Even at age 63 with my disability (MS) my 85 yo dad expected me to cook & clean for him when he got sick. He didn't go into a facility until he finally fell & couldn't get up. He never took care of either of his parents because his sisters did it.
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Old 08-19-2019, 04:29 PM
 
1,162 posts, read 358,440 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
Amazing how they can still think of their kids as "kids" to whom they can just assign tasks and expect compliance. Even at age 63 with my disability (MS) my 85 yo dad expected me to cook & clean for him when he got sick. He didn't go into a facility until he finally fell & couldn't get up. He never took care of either of his parents because his sisters did it.
Neither of my parents cared for their parents but expect my sister and I care for them.

My sister had to work full time to pay her mortgage. She had no choice. I lived two hours away and had responsibilities for my children.

What'a going to do?
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Old 08-19-2019, 10:12 PM
 
7,007 posts, read 3,892,993 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katharsis View Post
Will there be enough health workers in your retirement area?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/busin...f08_story.html

(I saw this in another thread, and thought it was relevant for this forum.)
I guess those jobs don't pay well enough. ("good" enough?)

My area doesn't have enough, I'm sure. I'm hoping to move, though, while I'm still young and healthy enough to pack and move.
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Old 08-21-2019, 03:03 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,964 posts, read 4,958,616 times
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My post in this thread "If the time comes I need nurses for care, I will do all I can to have at home caregivers. My LTC insurance provides this option, and one only needs to hire someone with the credentials for what needs to be done. If all I need is a helper to bathe, or to assist with mobility, cooking, and cleaning I don't need to hire an RN, or even a CNA. If it comes to that, I might even move near a family member (niece, great niece, etc) who is underemployed, and pay for their certification training and hire them. I can help my family, myself, and have only a trusted family member, rather than a stranger, in my home daily."

#1

Quote:
Originally Posted by yet_another_userid View Post
Yes. I sometimes wonder if those who talk about paying their nieces to care for them physically, consider that those nieces may be caring for their own parents by that time? It might become a problem if there are no contingencies set up.

Money is only a claim on a person’s labor - if there is no person available then no money in the world would help that.
#2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
I wonder why any one would ever think or expect that a niece would care for them. Unless she was actually raised by the aunt/uncle, I think there are VERY few if any nieces who have this thought. In fact I would think that they would be alarmed and insulted to hear of this expectation.
#3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coloradomom22 View Post
I wonder the same thing. The fact is that our society has changed a lot. Most women work, and people marry and tend to have children at an older age than in the past. When my aunt (never married/no children) was ailing, I had an infant and a toddler at home and was overwhelmed with my own life. Fortunately she had the means to pay for home care with the rest of us overseeing that. I can't imagine being expected to provide 24/7 physical care for her. Frankly that is quite an opportunistic assumption.
#4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
Glad to know someone agrees with me. One thing I've noticed is how many seniors who never themselves were caregivers to seniors have totally unrealistic expectations of others when it comes to their own later years.
Don't you love being misquoted? Quotes 1, 2, 3, and 4 ignore the fact that I stated I have LTC insurance first and foremost, and would be able to use that in home. And while I didn't spell it out for everyone, with that same LTC insurance I COULD move to AL or NH if "at home" was not practical. In my post above, I stated I "might even" pay for training and employ one of my underemployed nieces for in home care (not 24/7, who said anything about 24/7?). Nowhere did I say I was EXPECTING anyone to take on that role. Of course it would be for them to choose. But why pay a stranger if I can help out a family member? I have several nieces and grand nieces, and at least two have few/no job skills and are always in need of money. They are adorable sweet dears, but unemployable in today's market without training they can't afford. My employment of them would really help out their struggling family finances. I cared for my own mom for 3 years before her death, while working full-time, and then cared for my MIL in our home until her dementia became too bad for her to live alone, or with us, so quote 4 above is particularly galling to me. My family is extremely close, and very respectful and loving to all of our elders. Somehow the above posters have tried to make an offer to a relative of a free educational opportunity and guaranteed employment sound like a bad thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
I have two nieces and a nephew that would take care of me in a New York second if I needed them. Both parents are deceased but we've always been very close. Also my son and his wife. Unfortunately they all live far far away. I have family close by here but might as well not have. They don't stay in touch and if it weren't for Facebook I wouldn't know what's up with any of them. Not EVER going to count on them for anything.
AZDesertBrat GETS IT! My nieces would be very happy to work for their auntie. We love each other, and who would be an easier boss than one who loves you and wants the best for your family? I guarantee I'm a very flexible and understanding "boss", and I pay better than any other job they would ever get on their own. Their own parents are my older siblings who will be long deceased before me.

Last edited by TheShadow; 08-21-2019 at 04:32 PM..
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Old 08-22-2019, 05:35 AM
 
7,027 posts, read 3,975,633 times
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Shadow, its really great that you have planned ahead enough to get LTC insurance. And it sounds like you also have family support. Thing is, people are living longer and longer and even longer in some cases. It is very often a process of becoming more and more dependent on help for 10 years or more, and ends with dementia, diapers, and total 24/7 care needs. At some point in all of this it can become too much for even the most devoted family. This is why care facilities are important, though the majority of seniors pass on before it is required. It would be great if we could each control and predict our own course totally.
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Old 08-22-2019, 05:38 AM
Status: "Infractionation!" (set 1 hour ago)
 
Location: Earth
414 posts, read 301,046 times
Reputation: 765
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
We are discussing daily care of seniors which is not the same as real nursing, like in a hospital. Daily care of seniors means dealing with dementia and adult diapers in large part. It is often not only difficult but unpleasant work which nobody really wants to do. Immigrants do it because they are not trained for other more pleasant and well paying work, but believe me, they want better work for their children. Many many Americans care for their parents themselves as they age. There are many people in their 60's caring for their parents who are in their 80's. Basically, people are living longer and their needs present a challenge that is not easily.
To me, it's all the same thing. In many ways your post confirms the idea that aged care nursing is seen as 'lesser than'. The question is the same; is nursing seen as beneath the average American? If there were no immigrants, Americans would ditch their elderly?
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Old 08-22-2019, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
8,178 posts, read 4,997,972 times
Reputation: 29880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
Amazing how they can still think of their kids as "kids" to whom they can just assign tasks and expect compliance. Even at age 63 with my disability (MS) my 85 yo dad expected me to cook & clean for him when he got sick. He didn't go into a facility until he finally fell & couldn't get up. He never took care of either of his parents because his sisters did it.
Amazing, indeed.

If my mother said she expected me to take care of her, it would take days for me to stop laughing.
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Old 08-22-2019, 06:35 AM
 
7,027 posts, read 3,975,633 times
Reputation: 16056
Quote:
Originally Posted by WildOnions View Post
To me, it's all the same thing. In many ways your post confirms the idea that aged care nursing is seen as 'lesser than'. The question is the same; is nursing seen as beneath the average American? If there were no immigrants, Americans would ditch their elderly?
I don't think "beneath" is the correct description if you are referring to care at home by family. I think that often, very often in fact, there just aren't enough family members to handle it. One or two people cannot do 24/7 for weeks, months, or years on end. When I was a visiting nurse I saw many patients in facilities in our area. There were many American family members helping out as well as many American CNA's working in them.

There are so many behaviors which the sweetest, smartest, most dependable and responsible people can end up engaging in, especially with dementia. Wandering off and getting lost, eating anything they get their hands on including raw meat, their own poop, anything in the medicine cabinet, constantly leaving faucets running, turning on the stove burners, locking doors, opening windows, hitting and kicking people and pets, screaming nonstop, taking off their clothes outside, etc.

And please don't delude yourself into thinking that non Americans all take perfect care of their seniors at home. CNA's I've worked with have told me many times how seniors and young children in their home countries are often wrist restrained in their beds to keep them "safe". This is illegal in American facilities.
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