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Old 08-22-2019, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,964 posts, read 4,958,616 times
Reputation: 20204

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
Shadow, its really great that you have planned ahead enough to get LTC insurance. And it sounds like you also have family support. Thing is, people are living longer and longer and even longer in some cases. It is very often a process of becoming more and more dependent on help for 10 years or more, and ends with dementia, diapers, and total 24/7 care needs. At some point in all of this it can become too much for even the most devoted family. This is why care facilities are important, though the majority of seniors pass on before it is required. It would be great if we could each control and predict our own course totally.
While we can't predict or control the course of our own decline, we can make plans for the eventuality. The real issue is those who are in denial of their own needs, and who don't take appropriate steps to deal with them. Many people don't get LTC insurance because if you wait until you're over 65 the premiums get very expensive. And some elders insist on staying in impractical living situations, despite whatever inconvenience it is for their loved ones trying to help them. We will all one day have physical and/or mental limitations, and it's important to face them and make choices that make it easier for the individual and for their caregivers to deal with that situation. I bought LTCI early because I watched a friend in her 40's go through a swift and unexpected decline due to early onset Parkinson's. At the same time I was single and had no kids, I wanted to make sure I had my bases covered.

Having lived through the caregiver situation twice, with my mom and my MIL, I've experienced how much work it is, and fortunately both of my elders were amenable to the changes that had to be made in their lifestyle in order for us to care for them. I feel very bad for those whose elders don't seem to understand (or care) that everyone has to compromise when the time comes to make caring for them work out as a family.

Last edited by TheShadow; 08-22-2019 at 06:48 AM..
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Old 08-22-2019, 06:47 AM
 
1,162 posts, read 358,440 times
Reputation: 2537
Quote:
Originally Posted by WildOnions View Post
To me, it's all the same thing. In many ways your post confirms the idea that aged care nursing is seen as 'lesser than'. The question is the same; is nursing seen as beneath the average American? If there were no immigrants, Americans would ditch their elderly?
No, Americans want nursing jobs that pay well with good benefits.

The aide jobs in assisted living don't pay well. They aren't "nursing jobs." These jobs require physical strength to lift people into wheelchairs or change diapers, not medical knowledge or skills.

The problem is people live longer. My parents died in their late 80's when I was sixty years old. I passed the age where I could lift a 140/170 pound person. A century ago, they would have died in their sixties or seventies and I would have been in my thirties. It would have been a completely different story.

Also families were bigger with many siblings to spread the work around.
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Old 08-22-2019, 08:46 AM
 
14,364 posts, read 7,676,849 times
Reputation: 26253
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
No, Americans want nursing jobs that pay well with good benefits.

The aide jobs in assisted living don't pay well. They aren't "nursing jobs." These jobs require physical strength to lift people into wheelchairs or change diapers, not medical knowledge or skills.

The problem is people live longer. My parents died in their late 80's when I was sixty years old. I passed the age where I could lift a 140/170 pound person. A century ago, they would have died in their sixties or seventies and I would have been in my thirties. It would have been a completely different story.

Also families were bigger with many siblings to spread the work around.
Yep. Thereís some confusion between CNA and nurse. A CNA is 75 hours of training. Most programs are 4 to 6 weeks part time. You donít have to be a Mensa candidate to make it through. The pay is near-minimum wage. In my zip code, the program is government-subsidized and unemployed & low income people have free training. Itís not surprising that Maine canít find people to fill those slots. It doesnít pay enough.

Generally, a CNA is taught to never physically lift anyone since that is huge back injury risk. Theyíre trained in how to use a sling/hoist for that. In the assisted living facilities Iím familiar with, residents who arenít mobile and need assistance in and out of bed, wheelchair, toilet, and shower pay a large extra fee. My motherís memory care boots you out to skilled nursing if you need that level of assistance. Walkers are fine. No wheelchairs.

When I get there, I sure hope the societal attitude and laws around Physician assisted death change. If Iím totally out of it with dementia, I donít want to be warehoused in a memory care facility or nursing home. People donít live forever and when itís your time, itís time.
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Old 08-22-2019, 04:32 PM
 
95 posts, read 61,870 times
Reputation: 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post


Don't you love being misquoted?



AZDesertBrat GETS IT! My nieces would be very happy to work for their auntie. We love each other, and who would be an easier boss than one who loves you and wants the best for your family? I guarantee I'm a very flexible and understanding "boss", and I pay better than any other job they would ever get on their own. Their own parents are my older siblings who will be long deceased before me.
I didnít misquote. And Iím rather surprised at your lengthy reply where you include my post. I did not mean offense by my musings. All I wonder about is whether those that think about possibilities such as nieces helping out, have considered that the parents of those nieces might also be old. Those parents would be the siblings of the old person therefore would themselves be old, correct? With families being smaller these days surely itís reasonable to wonder what would happen if the niece turned out to already have her hands full? Is there contingency planning?

You replied to that point in your very last paragraph actually, where you state that their parents are your older siblings who will be long deceased before you. Makes sense, and answers why some folks wouldnít worry about their plans falling through in that way.
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Old 08-23-2019, 06:32 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,964 posts, read 4,958,616 times
Reputation: 20204
Technically, no, you didn't misquote, but ignored the part where I said that I have LTC insurance and would opt for in home caregivers, that would be my primary choice, and that I "might" pay for schooling and hire family. Of course if they were busy with their own parents I wouldn't think of taking them away from that. It's not likely because of their parents ages, but you would've had no way to know that. It's really just an option, and would be as much for their financial benefit as my own level of comfort being with family rather than strangers.
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Old 08-23-2019, 06:44 AM
 
1,811 posts, read 657,297 times
Reputation: 1925
I do not have an LTC, but have annuities that will pay out monthly until I die, and I have arrangements with my extended family and a specific nursing home in Asia, to get me there in case of major neuro disability, for 10% of the monthly price of an average nursing home in the US. Also, I am very easy to lift :-).
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Old 08-23-2019, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
24,137 posts, read 17,971,050 times
Reputation: 28337
I have a large family on my dad's side that I'm not particularly close with. Other than one uncle, I don't know the rest of my dad's siblings very well. They all have kids and some have grandkids of their own. Most everyone has a job.

I have an aunt I would help to the extent I'm able. I can't quit my job or make serious career or financial mistakes to take care of them.

Personally, my concerns are based around me having to move for employment reasons. I'm legally single and make fairly good money now, but if I was given a decent pay raise to live somewhere I'd rather be, I'd take it. I don't want to be working/living in somewhere like Atlanta, Charlotte, or Raleigh, and trying to come back to northeast TN to deal with the family who won't move every weekend.
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Old 08-23-2019, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,964 posts, read 4,958,616 times
Reputation: 20204
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Yep. Thereís some confusion between CNA and nurse. A CNA is 75 hours of training. Most programs are 4 to 6 weeks part time. You donít have to be a Mensa candidate to make it through. The pay is near-minimum wage. In my zip code, the program is government-subsidized and unemployed & low income people have free training. Itís not surprising that Maine canít find people to fill those slots. It doesnít pay enough.

Generally, a CNA is taught to never physically lift anyone since that is huge back injury risk. Theyíre trained in how to use a sling/hoist for that. In the assisted living facilities Iím familiar with, residents who arenít mobile and need assistance in and out of bed, wheelchair, toilet, and shower pay a large extra fee. My motherís memory care boots you out to skilled nursing if you need that level of assistance. Walkers are fine. No wheelchairs.

When I get there, I sure hope the societal attitude and laws around Physician assisted death change. If Iím totally out of it with dementia, I donít want to be warehoused in a memory care facility or nursing home. People donít live forever and when itís your time, itís time.
Definitely agree with being able to check out when you want if you suffer from dementia. My MIL told us for the last few years of her life that she prayed every night that she would die in her sleep. So sad. And we made her last years the best we could. She wanted IL, we found her a nice one. After that, she lived with us for two years, and it was a wonderful time for us to spend with her while she still had enough ability to function at home. Eventually we had to place her in AL, but it was 10 minutes from our home, so we visited at least once or twice a week and took her out for lunch or dinner and shopping, or even to plays at the community theater, and we called her every day. Still, she was desperately unhappy and just wanted to be able to leave the planet. She told us several times she wished she had a gun so she could just kill herself. At 91, she caught the flu and then pneumonia and got her wish. We were grateful that she didn't have to endure the further indignities of the later stages.
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Old 08-23-2019, 09:57 AM
 
Location: california
5,755 posts, read 4,947,203 times
Reputation: 6785
It is time kids looked out for their parents , I did it ,my parents did what they could being at a significant distance across the country .
But the sad fact is kids taught to be selfish will never step up .
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Old Yesterday, 09:28 AM
 
95 posts, read 61,870 times
Reputation: 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
Technically, no, you didn't misquote, but ignored the part where I said that I have LTC insurance and would opt for in home caregivers, that would be my primary choice, and that I "might" pay for schooling and hire family. Of course if they were busy with their own parents I wouldn't think of taking them away from that. It's not likely because of their parents ages, but you would've had no way to know that. It's really just an option, and would be as much for their financial benefit as my own level of comfort being with family rather than strangers.
I was under the impression from your post, that nieces/family members were your contingency planning after the LTC insurance. Thus my post wondering about contingency planning in case the nieces (or any younger family for that matter) couldnít help due to having their hands full already. (Which point you did address in your lengthy reply, that your siblings are older and would predecease you).

Iíve long been wondering about what happens if there are no people that one can pay for ones care. Money wonít help if there are no people to pay. Iíve actually been reading articles about robots being developed to help with lifting people, for instance. Thereís also been shows such as Golden Girls where a group of old people get together in one house.

Again, I meant no offense. I try to stay away from moralities since they vary so among many groups - I prefer to stay focused on practicalities.
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