U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-26-2019, 05:47 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
2,980 posts, read 1,493,679 times
Reputation: 10632

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
S

If they live with one adult child, and provide free babysitting and other services, is it really fair to the other children and grandchildren? They want grandma & grandpa to visit, too.
Ugg, sorry germaine to pick on you. lol but this is one statement I loathe, hate and despise.

I am amazed at the number of adults who keep score and cry "it's not fair".

Really, I'll feel like a total failure if at 45 year old kid probably with children of his own starts complaining "it's not Fair".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-26-2019, 07:37 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
24,790 posts, read 18,470,724 times
Reputation: 29217
It's somewhat common where I am.

I stayed with my grandparents a lot after school and during the summers growing up. Especially during the summer, I probably spent more time with my grandparents than my parents, both of whom worked.

My mom's sister is 58 or 59, and widowed. My grandmother will be 84 in a couple weeks and is also widowed. Grandmother stays with my aunt about half the time. My aunt also had her stepson's wife (separated) and their son living with her last year. There were four generations living in a 2BR/2BA townhome for awhile.

One of my dad's brothers basically raised his granddaughter. Greg will be 60 this year and the granddaughter is now 21. She's still living with Greg.

I wouldn't count a 20 something living at home with their parents and no kids of their own as "multigenerational."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2019, 08:12 AM
 
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, originally from SF Bay Area
30,699 posts, read 55,989,940 times
Reputation: 32597
It's a cultural thing. Here in our city of 60,000 there are many multi-generational families and they are almost all Asian, especially Indian. In fact, the developers have responded by building new developments with 4,000+ sf homes having dual masters. My wife works at one of the schools and hears from students that the grandparents are brought over from India, stay 5-6 months then go back and the other grandparents come. It's free babysitting while the parents work at their tech jobs at Microsoft or Amazon.



For those of us that have been here in the USA al of our lives, multi-generational living just doesn't seem normal. When the adult child overstays or comes back it's considered an anomaly and hopefully a temporary setback. When the elderly are unable to handle their own home we look for assisted living facilities, rarely having them live with us. That's just considered normal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2019, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,776 posts, read 9,900,712 times
Reputation: 11384
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
Itís not done in my intermediate family but I can talk my daughters into it. Iíve heard one mentioned grandmas house in the backyard.

My mom had a "grandma's house" behind hers and intended to live in it. I ended up living in it for six years. It was handy for us, we weren't in each others face but always available. I paid minimal rent and living there is what enabled me to save up enough down payment for my own home when my mom died. I figure that was my 'inheritance' from her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2019, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Austin
12,660 posts, read 7,221,087 times
Reputation: 14109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snapper_head View Post
I have this perhaps idealistic, old-fashioned notion that multiple generations in an extended family can live together under one roof (on separate floors) and it’s the best of all worlds. Everyone saves money. Nobody is lonely. Everybody helps one another out. No space goes to waste. The elders provide love and wisdom to the younger generation. Nobody ever has to eat dinner alone. The house is always in an immaculate state of repair.

But few people in my extended family seem to share that vision with me. Every time I suggest it, nobody shows any interest. What am I missing? Does anybody have personal experience with this, good or bad?
I loved my parents, but couldn't wait to leave the nest. At 17, I went to college and never moved home again, not even in the summer. My summer jobs provided the money for my residential independence.

I love my kids, but was happy for them to leave the nest after high school. If they had wanted to stay with us instead of trying their wings as adults, I would have considered myself a failed parent.

Last edited by texan2yankee; 08-26-2019 at 10:25 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2019, 10:39 AM
 
26,686 posts, read 33,719,502 times
Reputation: 33677
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snapper_head View Post
I have this perhaps idealistic, old-fashioned notion that multiple generations in an extended family can live together under one roof (on separate floors) and it’s the best of all worlds. Everyone saves money. Nobody is lonely. Everybody helps one another out. No space goes to waste. The elders provide love and wisdom to the younger generation. Nobody ever has to eat dinner alone. The house is always in an immaculate state of repair.

But few people in my extended family seem to share that vision with me. Every time I suggest it, nobody shows any interest. What am I missing? Does anybody have personal experience with this, good or bad?
Not my family. No way. My parents are very argumentative and controlling - I could never live under the same roof with them. It is certainly doable for some but you are wearing rose colored glasses if you think it’s for everyone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2019, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,737 posts, read 18,050,173 times
Reputation: 43591
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post

If they live with one adult child, and provide free babysitting and other services, is it really fair to the other children and grandchildren? They want grandma & grandpa to visit, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
Ugg, sorry germaine to pick on you. lol but this is one statement I loathe, hate and despise.

I am amazed at the number of adults who keep score and cry "it's not fair".

Really, I'll feel like a total failure if at 45 year old kid probably with children of his own starts complaining "it's not Fair".
Whoa! Stop right there. I was not saying "this is not fair" from the point of view of the 45 year old but from the parents point of view.

I'll give a real life example, a retired couple that I know provided years of free childcare to their first three grandchildren, I'm guessing that their adult child saved over $50,000 in child care costs. They are now a lot older and in poor health and am unable to provide any free childcare to their fourth and fifth grandchildren (except maybe a couple of hours a month for date nights). And, their other adult child doesn't have any kids. As a parent, that does not seem fair to all of their children. And, it is also not fair to grandchildren three and four, who will not have the close relationship with their grandparents of being with them all day, everyday as preschoolers, plus after school care & summer care for years that their cousins had.

IMHO, it is like parents giving one child $50,000 for a down payment for a house and telling their other two children "No, you can't have any money from us for a down payment." (BTW, the free childcare did help the first child buy a house faster). Is that being fair and equal to all of their children? Other people may think differently, but to me (as a parent) I do not think that it is fair. I try to be fair to both of my adult children (as much as possible),

Last edited by germaine2626; 08-26-2019 at 10:52 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2019, 03:20 PM
 
5,007 posts, read 4,262,974 times
Reputation: 10679
Many ranch families have multiple generations living on the ranch, albeit many times in separate houses.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2019, 04:12 PM
 
7,454 posts, read 4,121,079 times
Reputation: 16819
No thanks. Not with my family.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2019, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Colorado
210 posts, read 52,456 times
Reputation: 946
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vision67 View Post
For us, having family members nearby but living separately in their own houses worked.

When my mother retired we bought a small house nearby and let her live there free. She helped the family and we helped her. After she died, we sold the extra house.

Living separately but close by affords each generation privacy but makes each available to help out.
Yes, close but not in the same house would work for me. But I have moved 6 times since i was 21. I have 3 wonderful, fully employed brothers and sisters that all get along very well. I think by what I read in this forum that this may not be as common as I would hope.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top