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Old 08-27-2019, 12:34 PM
 
2,078 posts, read 1,345,649 times
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My mother and I (and my two sons) have lived together for 15+ years now. It's mutually beneficial, we get along fine, and everyone respects each other's need for privacy when necessary. We're also in quite a small house — no separate suites or anything. She's talked in the past about my eldest sister coming to live with us when her husband dies (he is quite a bit older than she is), but who knows if she'd want to (in a bigger house, of course!)

It works for us. I'm sure it would not work for a multitude of other people. I think the idea in general has a lot of merit financially, environmentally, and otherwise.
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Old 08-27-2019, 02:06 PM
 
39,714 posts, read 15,696,732 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sas318 View Post
The reason why my parents ended with me is that at the time, my dad wanted to move back to his home country (they're immigrants), leaving my mom alone. We couldn't do that. We convinced my dad to stay, so they sold their home and moved in with us. They sold their home and used the money to buy the house we currently live in.

We don't have formal discussions about anything. We're not that type of family. But living with my parents is much easier than living with my in-laws. At least I feel more comfortable with my parents, and Spouse doesn't mind being with them every day.

I pay for the mortgage and they don't, so I pay a LOT more than they do. But comparing utilities and groceries only, I honestly don't know which one is higher every month. There would be no point of calculating this. I don't want my dad to feel like he's not puling his own weight. My dad is a paranoid and thinks I will kick him out even though I have never hinted at this. Of course we won't do that. Where would they go? No where. They don't have enough money.

Besides, children should take care of their parents. So even if my utilities are higher, I am taking care of my parents. Maybe it's a cultural thing. I don't think Americans have the same thought at all.
Some Americans do.

My mother lived with us for years. She moved in with us when she was no longer able to live alone.

One of our kids and her husband have started talking about whether it would work out better to do this earlier rather than later.

As others have mentioned, by combining households we could all afford to live in a nicer neighborhood, in a bigger home.

My husband and I would be there when the grandkids came home from school, needed to stay home because they were sick, and during the summer between camps. Our daughter and her husband could go out without rounding up childcare or feeling guilty. We like to putter in the yard and have the time to do it.

We would get to enjoy our grandchildren on more than sporadic visits. We love raising kids. It's why we did it in the first place. This way, we would have the joy and none of the responsibilities.

I don't want to be camped out in their living room. They need to have their own lives and so do we. So it is critical that we have a nice size living room and kitchen, a couple of bedrooms, and a handicap accessible bathroom.

We have several friends whose children and grandchildren live with them all in one house. They share the kitchen and living room and each have their own bedrooms. That's a bit too much togetherness for us.

I like the idea of a compound with separate homes connected by breezeways. They are not that easy to find.

Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 08-27-2019 at 03:08 PM..
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Old 08-27-2019, 03:07 PM
 
39,714 posts, read 15,696,732 times
Reputation: 25895
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
My mother and I (and my two sons) have lived together for 15+ years now. It's mutually beneficial, we get along fine, and everyone respects each other's need for privacy when necessary. We're also in quite a small house no separate suites or anything. She's talked in the past about my eldest sister coming to live with us when her husband dies (he is quite a bit older than she is), but who knows if she'd want to (in a bigger house, of course!)

It works for us. I'm sure it would not work for a multitude of other people. I think the idea in general has a lot of merit financially, environmentally, and otherwise.
I'm glad it has worked out for you.

Several of our friends have joint households and as long as everyone gets along, it seems to work out well.
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Old 08-27-2019, 04:30 PM
 
6,700 posts, read 5,362,770 times
Reputation: 13962
Quote:
Originally Posted by sas318 View Post
The reason why my parents ended with me is that at the time, my dad wanted to move back to his home country (they're immigrants), leaving my mom alone. We couldn't do that. We convinced my dad to stay, so they sold their home and moved in with us. They sold their home and used the money to buy the house we currently live in.

We don't have formal discussions about anything. We're not that type of family. But living with my parents is much easier than living with my in-laws. At least I feel more comfortable with my parents, and Spouse doesn't mind being with them every day.

I pay for the mortgage and they don't, so I pay a LOT more than they do. But comparing utilities and groceries only, I honestly don't know which one is higher every month. There would be no point of calculating this. I don't want my dad to feel like he's not puling his own weight. My dad is a paranoid and thinks I will kick him out even though I have never hinted at this. Of course we won't do that. Where would they go? No where. They don't have enough money.

Besides, children should take care of their parents. So even if my utilities are higher, I am taking care of my parents. Maybe it's a cultural thing. I don't think Americans have the same thought at all.
You pay the mortgage, but you said that they sold thier house and used that money to buy the current home

So they did put in the down payment

Maybe that is part of your angst. You don't see a monthly cash in hand type of transaction.
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Old 08-27-2019, 05:58 PM
 
264 posts, read 486,490 times
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In the past I was great fan of Korean tv drama and saw a great series my family called "Happy House". It was about several generations living together in a multi-story building. On the ground floor was a commercial space where one of three grown sons had his vet business. His parents had their own apartment on the second floor in the front. Their parents (elderly) had a back apartment on that second floor. On the third floor he and his brother each had an apartment and on the fourth floor there were two more apartments, one for an uncle and the other for son #3. The characters themselves called the apartment building "Happy House." It basically looked like a four flat. Very interesting. Everyone had their own living room, bath and kitchen. The show was quite popular in South Korea.
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Old 08-28-2019, 06:06 AM
 
2,008 posts, read 734,910 times
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Regarding Asian lifestyles, I happen to have a small pied a terre condo in the Bronx, in a neighborhood called Parkchester, which contains a lot of South Asian immigrants (primarily from Bangladesh). Among them, often several branches of the same family tend to rent or buy several apartments on the same floor, or at least in the same building.
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Old Yesterday, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
316 posts, read 265,060 times
Reputation: 266
I've recently toured a home that was a luxury home with another luxury home built onto it, so the older children could care for the aging parent while still having separate space. It had an elevator and everything! There's no turning back after building this! Part of me thinks it would be fun to live close/attached with enough space.

Anyone with me? Anyone? (crickets)
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Old Today, 05:35 AM
 
264 posts, read 486,490 times
Reputation: 595
Thanks for the share. This type of thing isn't what I think about when thinking about multi-generational living.

Too big. Too much "stuff". Too over the top for my taste though I understand the appeal for some. The maintenance! The first thing I thought when I saw the exterior was, "Who's going to wash those windows?"

Luxury? #no.
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Old Today, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
316 posts, read 265,060 times
Reputation: 266
I know, right? Imagine having to help your mom keep up that house! Of course, if you can afford such a home you could afford help.
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Old Today, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Kronenwetter Wisconsin
346 posts, read 171,707 times
Reputation: 768
Three years ago my daughter and her 2 young children (3 and 2) moved in with us for a year before they moved to Alaska. Her step kids lived with the other grandparents so they would not have to switch schools. Her husband split between the 2 houses. It was only for 10 months and we loved it and miss them.
Last year my son, his wife and our 16 yr old grandson moved in with us. They were only going to stay a year until they built a house next to us. But financially it has worked out well for all of us so they are staying for another few years. They use the family room on the lower level to watch television and we have the upstairs.
We get along well. We cook separate because they eat differently then we do. We like fish, chicken etc. More healthy. They love things like tater tot casserole, pizza, pasta. More carby stuff then we eat.
They were out of town last weekend and we missed having them around. It was too quiet. I hope they stick around for a long time.
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