Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have this perhaps idealistic, old-fashioned notion that multiple generations in an extended family can live together under one roof (on separate floors) and it’s the best of all worlds. Everyone saves money. Nobody is lonely. Everybody helps one another out. No space goes to waste. The elders provide love and wisdom to the younger generation. Nobody ever has to eat dinner alone. The house is always in an immaculate state of repair.
But few people in my extended family seem to share that vision with me. Every time I suggest it, nobody shows any interest. What am I missing? Does anybody have personal experience with this, good or bad?
Worked for my family when I was a child, can't imagine that living situation working for me in today's me, me, me atmosphere; I'm lucky if I'm a passing thought in my Grandchildren's yearly activities.
I have this perhaps idealistic, old-fashioned notion that multiple generations in an extended family can live together under one roof (on separate floors) and it’s the best of all worlds. Everyone saves money. Nobody is lonely. Everybody helps one another out. No space goes to waste. The elders provide love and wisdom to the younger generation. Nobody ever has to eat dinner alone. The house is always in an immaculate state of repair.
But few people in my extended family seem to share that vision with me. Every time I suggest it, nobody shows any interest. What am I missing? Does anybody have personal experience with this, good or bad?
I’m in agreement with your family. This concept seems to work well in some Asian countries, but I don’t think our culture here would support such a lifestyle.
This is still very common in Europe. My DW aunt lived in an apartment above her parents. The parents took care of her until she passed. At that time my wife's sister and her husband moved into the apt above and took care of her parents until they passed. I suspect that my SIL's daughter will do the same when she gets married.
A lot of the German families I know and have interacted with did that and still do.
Stop by the Caregiving Forum and you will read some experiences that were absolute nightmares and others that were absolute delights. For some families it works and for other families it does not work at all.
I know someone who can still tell you the number of days, hours and minutes that his MIL lived with their family (and she passed away over ten years ago). It was something like 556 days, four hours and thirty minutes (and that didn't count the eight or ten years that MIL and FIL spend four or sometimes five months a year living with them in their tiny house.
Another thing is that with multiple children, where are the parents going to live? A friend of mine has three children and her second husband also has three children. Those six adult children have jobs and live in six different states, none in the state where my friend and her husband live . And, their grandchildren (mostly children but two adults) live in eight different states.
If they live with one adult child, and provide free babysitting and other services, is it really fair to the other children and grandchildren? They want grandma & grandpa to visit, too.
According to the Association of Realtors, 20% of American family homes are multigenerational. I suspect that some of that 20% are adult children living at home.
It is fairly common in some cultures for the grandparents to raise the children while the parents work.
One of our kids have asked us what we think about joining households. Both of them work long hours and enjoy it when we visit at least in part because the day care drop off and rush to pick up is not an issue.
In addition to keeping an eye on the kids after school and when they are sick, she and her husband are also considering how much easier it would be to keep an eye us as we age if we are close by.
We know several families who do this. As long as there is enough room, it seems to work out.
Given that this is not an uncommon scenario, we were surprised to find so few multigenerational homes with 2Bdr grandparent living quarters. Most seemed to be little more than studio apartments with kitchenettes.
I finally found three plans that might work. Never have found an actual home for sale that offered a 2Bdrm comfortable space for the parents.
I can't imagine being crammed into a 1Bdr or studio apartment with a kitchenette and a dinky living area. It would be so uncomfortable.
Yet with the number of studio and one-bedroom apartments out there, plenty of people are living in them happily-- or at least not miserably.
A good friend of mine grew up in a one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. His parents were Hungarian Jewish immigrants who moved to NY after WWII. He was the only child, and he slept on the couch until he went to college. He now has a beautiful home in an affluent town and a winter home in Florida, but he came out alright both career-wise and as a human being despite those beginnings.
So I grew up in a large pre wwII apartment building in Harlem, while it was very big we had quite a few generations in it.
It was my grandmother and her brother, my uncle sidney.
my parents
my siblings
and my mom sister, my aunt carole.
my mom's other two sister also had apartments in the same building. it was wonderful.
lol now at the time I probably complained about the entire family always being in everyone's business. and we also did things in large groups which drove me crazy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
