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Old 09-02-2019, 09:51 AM
 
Location: The beautiful Rogue Valley, Oregon
7,419 posts, read 15,512,080 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
Maybe the words "assisted living" differ from state to state or even within a state because the place where my relatives lived in CT had a lot of healthy people who just didn't want to cook or clean anymore.
This is very true, the terms used "independent living, assisted living" vary state to state, as do the services involved. As I said upthread, one of the assisted living units my father lived in did not allow (because the terms of their license from the state did not allow) wheelchairs and required a physical assessment for whether the resident could get up off the floor on his own. That one provided breakfast and dinner, a van for shopping and medical appointments and then a bunch of social activities but little else. They also had a limit on services that you could be contracting in (how that passed the ADA I have no idea).

Other facilities had available on-site medication management, physical therapy, in-home aides for dressing and bathing, etc. They were operating under a different license from the state.
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Last edited by PNW-type-gal; 09-02-2019 at 10:26 AM..
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Old 09-02-2019, 10:17 AM
 
Location: too far from the sea
20,209 posts, read 19,214,182 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PNW-type-gal View Post
This is vary true, the terms used "independent living, assisted living" vary state to state, as do the services involved. As I said upthread, one of the assisted living units my father lived in did not allow (because the terms of their license from the state did not allow) wheelchairs and required a physical assessment for whether the resident could get up off the floor on his own. That one provided breakfast and dinner, a van for shopping and medical appointments and then a bunch of social activities but little else. They also had a limit on services that you could be contracting in (how that passed the ADA I have no idea).

Other facilities had available on-site medication management, physical therapy, in-home aides for dressing and bathing, etc. They were operating under a different license from the state.
I don't know what the first type would be called here, or if we even have that here. I'm in an age restricted apartment and there are people with walkers, people who never go out because they're almost 100 years old and have people coming in to help them, people who wear those "I've fallen and I can't get up" things around their necks. The on site maintenance man is in his 90s, a WWII vet who is strong and hardy! We have all kinds. No meals though, no van, no activities.

The second type is what we call "assisted living."
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Old 09-02-2019, 10:49 AM
 
Location: The beautiful Rogue Valley, Oregon
7,419 posts, read 15,512,080 times
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Well, for instance, if you were in Massachusetts, here are some of the state regulations to run an "assisted living" facility:

https://www.mass.gov/topics/assisted-living

The state recognizes "assisted living" and "nursing homes" as separate facilities and says that assisted living doesn't include nursing care, just personal services (meals, transportation, bathing, dressing) and medication management (but specifically does not include injections of any kind).

From a quick glance over the rules it is not clear to me if they allow a resident to contract for outside care - for instance, if you are a diabetic who needs insulin shots, can you contract with an outside nursing agency to have a home visit and still stay in an assisted living facility?
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Old 09-02-2019, 01:19 PM
 
823 posts, read 230,789 times
Reputation: 2139
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
I went through a bit of it as my DH got sicker but only the last couple of months were really bad. I found a nice guy on Match and neither of us is interested in marriage or cohabitation. We live a little over an hour from each other so we're not together 24/7. It's working out very well. I'm unlikely to remarry and the potential caregiving is a major reason.
Then you are both are not that much into each other.

The age and a care taking experience notwithstanding - if you truly meet another love of your current life- you would not mind taking care of him/ her if the need arises.

There is no such thing as an “inconvenience” in true relationships
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Old 09-02-2019, 01:29 PM
 
Location: SoCal
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Oh no, let’s not go into that. My brother’s MIL was relieved at her husband funeral. We all have our limits.
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Old 09-02-2019, 01:42 PM
 
823 posts, read 230,789 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by craigiri View Post
Everyone talks about this exit strategy but I think 99% plus of people are too cowardly or other things.

So I think we really have to consider what the millions before us did...which is usually nothing. Even when given the legal choice (some states and countries) a very tiny percentage do so.

I like to think I'd end this way....but I wonder if guilt will stop me? Society really pulls a trip on people who exist stage left.
Most likely- the lack of the “exit” attempt has everything to do with your diminished or extremely limited intellectual abilities and not a cowardice.
When your intellect ( the first to go usually) will deteriorate to the point that you won’t be able to perceive the unfortunate (deplorable, shameful, undignified- insert your attributes here) situation that you you are in- you will accept your situation “ as is” or in a lot of cases be somewhat content with your state of life.
They call it a second childhood for a reason.
It has everything to do with the ravages of intellect, a diminished capacity and your limbic “reptilian” brain function of survival and an acceptance of that stage in your life.
If the intellect somewhat still functioning- you see elderly refusing to eat and drink as an exit strategy or an occasional murder-suicides

Last edited by Nik4me; 09-02-2019 at 01:50 PM..
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Old 09-02-2019, 02:17 PM
 
2,498 posts, read 884,221 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nik4me View Post
Then you are both are not that much into each other.

The age and a care taking experience notwithstanding - if you truly meet another love of your current life- you would not mind taking care of him/ her if the need arises.

There is no such thing as an “inconvenience” in true relationships
If I marry a guy who can't provide for his own long-term care, Medicaid will kick in only after I've spent my assets down to something like $130K to pay for his care. I will be "permitted" to keep $30K in income. The rest will pay for his LTC before Medicaid covers. I saw my Aunt go through this (very long-term marriage) when my Uncle developed dementia. No, I will not take on that risk, no matter how much I love the guy. Take care of him? Maybe- but no legal entanglements. When I took care of DH I was 64 and in good shape and he weighed 117 lbs. before he died. I had to get him up off the floor after a fall quite a few times. I do NOT want to be doing that with a 250-lb. man when I'm 80, nor do I want to put up with the violence that sometimes accompanies dementia, as it did with my Uncle.
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Old 09-02-2019, 02:21 PM
 
1,141 posts, read 1,848,040 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
If I marry a guy who can't provide for his own long-term care, Medicaid will kick in only after I've spent my assets down to something like $130K to pay for his care. I will be "permitted" to keep $30K in income. The rest will pay for his LTC before Medicaid covers. I saw my Aunt go through this (very long-term marriage) when my Uncle developed dementia. No, I will not take on that risk, no matter how much I love the guy. Take care of him? Maybe- but no legal entanglements. When I took care of DH I was 64 and in good shape and he weighed 117 lbs. before he died. I had to get him up off the floor after a fall quite a few times. I do NOT want to be doing that with a 250-lb. man when I'm 80, nor do I want to put up with the violence that sometimes accompanies dementia, as it did with my Uncle.
Truly. It sounds like the poster you quote hasn't had intimate caretaking experience. No one signs up for that twice, as you're getting older too.
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Old 09-02-2019, 02:32 PM
 
823 posts, read 230,789 times
Reputation: 2139
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
If I marry a guy who can't provide for his own long-term care, Medicaid will kick in only after I've spent my assets down to something like $130K to pay for his care. I will be "permitted" to keep $30K in income. The rest will pay for his LTC before Medicaid covers. I saw my Aunt go through this (very long-term marriage) when my Uncle developed dementia. No, I will not take on that risk, no matter how much I love the guy. Take care of him? Maybe- but no legal entanglements. When I took care of DH I was 64 and in good shape and he weighed 117 lbs. before he died. I had to get him up off the floor after a fall quite a few times. I do NOT want to be doing that with a 250-lb. man when I'm 80, nor do I want to put up with the violence that sometimes accompanies dementia, as it did with my Uncle.
Sorry, did not mean to offend you. I understand, that you went through a lot!
It is unfortunate in the US, that last years of life can economically devastate you.
It is unheard of in Europe. They don’t believe me ( when I am describing our laws and medical care) that our “prosperous” country does it to its citizens...
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Old 09-02-2019, 03:18 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,990 posts, read 6,692,201 times
Reputation: 10641
Quote:
Originally Posted by craigiri View Post
Everyone talks about this exit strategy but I think 99% plus of people are too cowardly or other things.

So I think we really have to consider what the millions before us did...which is usually nothing. Even when given the legal choice (some states and countries) a very tiny percentage do so.

I like to think I'd end this way....but I wonder if guilt will stop me? Society really pulls a trip on people who exist stage left.
True. It’s all talk. I have no exit strategy, except to copy what my parents did, they refused extremely treatment. My mom refused chemo therapy, only radiation, no surgery either. My dad refused surgery, so he ended up with dialysis 3 times a week.
For me, it’s going to be death by 1,000 roses. I only have room for 100 roses max here.
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