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Old 08-30-2019, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2,007 posts, read 653,215 times
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Interesting stuff. I’m not sure what we’ll do. We’re both 71 and actually doing pretty well right now, mentally and physically, though we both had some issues a few years ago. We’d like to stay in our home of 25 years as long as we can but it’s much larger than we need, more yard work than we want. I guess we’ll just have to see how things go. It seems like every time we have ever tried to plan for something, all hell breaks loose.
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Old 08-30-2019, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Out there somewhere...a traveling man.
39,861 posts, read 48,327,710 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PNW-type-gal View Post
It also varies by state - some communities have what the call an age-in-place strategy, some places require you to be ambulatory (walkers are fine, wheelchairs are not). The licensing varies by state. The big one on the hill close to me has a 6 figure buy-in (low to high, depending on the type of unit) plus a monthly fee.

I suspect a lot of seniors won't be able to afford the $3,000-$6,500 a month plus charges for extras that a lot of these assisted living places require, much less an actual nursing home. The era of the extremely generous pension has closed for people still working (they are out there, just not as common as they were) and even with millions in savings it gets eaten up quickly.

My MIL had a long-term care policy that she relied on, but it wasn't very good and her out-of-pocket fees were pretty high.

^^^Yes this is the big challenge.
And these costs are rising rapidly. One of our friends before she passed away was paying $9000.00 monthly. She was bed bound and had to have 24hr care. Some other friends have in-home care which is much more affordable than being in a assisted living complex.
Some others have wished themselves an early death to eliminate the burden on spouse or other relatives.
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Old 08-30-2019, 01:01 PM
 
600 posts, read 274,340 times
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I see a CCRC in the future for DH and me. I know several people who live in one and they are pleased. Not cheap, and we might not have any money to leave to our kids but they won't be burdened with decision-making and expenses associated with our aging.

We're in our 70's and very active but that could change in a heartbeat so we need to get moving forward with concrete plans.

I know someone who was living in a CCRC in a cottage. When his wife became ill, rather than have her move into the skilled nursing part, he hired outside help to come in. Obviously cost was not a consideration---to be able to afford this on top of the CCRC fees but he kept her out off the nursing home.

I just hope Death with Dignity laws get passed in our state before too long.
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Old 08-30-2019, 01:17 PM
 
7,272 posts, read 1,588,195 times
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Well, now I know why so many articles say you need a minimum of a million bucks to retire!

However, for my husband and I, as we have no relatives we care about that much and vice versa, we are going to live our lives as we want and maintain our independence as long as we can, and let VERY old age take care of itself. If we end up "warehoused", so be it, because before we let ourselves be put into any kind of nursing home situation, we will -- we hope -- not have enough of our mental facilities left to worry about it! (And if we're not, we will probably just end our lives ourselves because we both feel very strongly that we would rather die than end up with most of our physical and/or mental health gone.)
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Old 08-30-2019, 03:02 PM
 
7,082 posts, read 3,926,241 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TimAZ View Post
Everyone should have an “exit” strategy. Personally I do not understand the desire to cling to life when the quality of that life is declining and headed for a comatose state. Could it be the growth in assisted living facilities is fueled by a need to assuage guilt? Available Medicaid funds?
I've been mulling this over. I am alone. No spouse, no kids or grandkids. There are sisters, but they are not caring types, and one has significant problems of her own.

So it'll be me, myself, and I who will have to deal with things. If I get cancer? How will I get to and from cancer treatments? Will I be able to take care of myself while undergoing treatments? Will my ins. pay for a home health care person to come by once a day to make sure I'm okay, or how does that work?

I will need an exit strategy, if I'm not lucky enough to drop dead from a heart attack. Both grandmas declined to the point where one had to be put in a nursing home...the other lived w/my mother, but didn't know who we were, and rapidly declined until she was hospitalized and died.

Will I want to live in a nursing home, where every friend I make dies...as will I, eventually? I don't think so.

I need to give these things more thought. I don't see the need to eek out one more breath, just for the sake of it.
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Old 08-30-2019, 03:29 PM
 
657 posts, read 137,071 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post

I need to give these things more thought. I don't see the need to eek out one more breath, just for the sake of it.
Well, that's the thing, isn't it? Having the Cancer Fairy visit your house tends to cause more disciplined thinking I think.

I would much sooner throw a huge party (really huge) than spend $9k/month wearing diapers and having Nurse Ratched ignore my bedsores. The tricky thing is finding a suicide plan that is somewhat dignified, doesn't result in a mess for others, and is easy to do for the cowardly. Leaping from bridges or walking in front of trains is a tricky matter and probably too difficult, although I have to admire the mental strength of the people I know who have done it.
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Old 08-30-2019, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,819 posts, read 3,350,408 times
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I am another of the loners who has no one to help me when I reach the point I can't help myself. I will look into that book I've heard about (can't remember the name) that gives some ideas how to end your own life.

If my state allows physician assisted end of life, I'll do that.

I was there for my mother when she became ill and died (neither of my two sisters had any interest). Then I had to move my oldest sister (she had cerebral palsy and her mind was failing) into a nursing home (I worked full time, had a one bedroom apartment) and her daughter wasn't interested in having her move in, either. My second sister had kids who took care of the details.

I have a nephew out of state who doesn't speak to me (3 years!!) due to a comment I made about the election (2016). But he said before that he would take care of it (I made him a beneficiary in a life insurance policy). My kids....... well let's not go there.

I wish in a way that we were more like the animals who sense when they are dying to wander off and find a place to die.

I had thought at one time of moving to an area with mountains where when things were going downhill (no pun intended) for me to wander off and finish life there.
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Old 08-30-2019, 03:33 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,263 posts, read 1,412,783 times
Reputation: 6617
Quote:
Originally Posted by StrawberrySoup View Post
Well, that's the thing, isn't it? Having the Cancer Fairy visit your house tends to cause more disciplined thinking I think.

I would much sooner throw a huge party (really huge) than spend $9k/month wearing diapers and having Nurse Ratched ignore my bedsores. The tricky thing is finding a suicide plan that is somewhat dignified, doesn't result in a mess for others, and is easy to do for the cowardly. Leaping from bridges or walking in front of trains is a tricky matter and probably too difficult, although I have to admire the mental strength of the people I know who have done it.
You do what my mother did... stopped eating and drinking. Takes a week or less.

I told her I would support her wishes, but not in my house. Her doctor arranged for her to go to a hospice facility.
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Old 08-30-2019, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Haiku
4,698 posts, read 2,744,044 times
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Many years ago there was an article in the Atlantic written by a doctor. In it he discussed how aging and healthcare has really done a disservice to people. Yes, since 1900 we live 50% longer but the number of quality years we have has only gone up about 20%. He described it thus:

Quote:
...health care hasn’t slowed the aging process so much as it has slowed the dying process.
In other words, we spend a lot more time now lingering but not dying. The author of the article says the ideal age to die now is about 75 and has lots of data to back that up. Of course for most people that is not actionable information, but it nevertheless tells me that longevity is perhaps overrated.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine...-at-75/379329/
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Old 08-30-2019, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,341 posts, read 3,956,716 times
Reputation: 20818
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoByFour View Post
Interesting article in the NY Times on the assisted living industry. Apparently it has grown significantly the last few years. The article points out that it is based on the hope that seniors have that they can be mostly independent with just a little assistance, but that it is hard to deliver on that promise because people often need more than just a "little" assistance.l[/url]
It's hard to deliver on that promise because it's hard to find caregivers who will work for $10 an hour, and are willing to break their backs to lift and move these people around.
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