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Old 08-31-2019, 02:01 PM
 
Location: SW US
2,258 posts, read 2,075,559 times
Reputation: 3889

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefret View Post

When I first began nursing, over 30 years ago, I would hear doctors say to the family " he's suffered enough, it's time to let him go, we will keep him comfortable."

At the point I retired a few years ago, what I was hearing was "he will soon die if we don't do such and such procedures, what do you want to do?"

When my mother was diagnosed with a usually terminal cancer at age 94, the doctor called me and told me that at her age there was little chance anything could be done that would help her. If they did surgery it wouldn't help for long. He advised hospice. We all agreed and she died two months later. She was mentally competent until the end. This was in 2016, so some doctors are still being honest about this.
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Old 08-31-2019, 02:36 PM
 
657 posts, read 137,071 times
Reputation: 852
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nik4me View Post
No, you don’t.
The only requirements is that you are mentally able and physically can take a drug by yourself alone in the room and that the prescribing doctor can not financially benefit from your death.
I think recently there were backed up and would not take new people for a while...
What's the total cost?

I like the idea of a 1-way tour package with that in mind. Basically, you just put it on your VISA, go to the airport, and the rest of the trip is planned out.

I wouldn't mind seeing a decent concert and having a nice meal on the way.
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Old 08-31-2019, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,819 posts, read 3,350,408 times
Reputation: 12517
Quote:
Originally Posted by [B
Nik4me[/b];56067595]Some nephew, canít believe he actually said that to you- to make him a beneficiary- he probably pull the plug ASAP, even if you still have a chance...
You better off finding some house of worship? The ones that would keep you alive as their beliefs dictate...
Leave them money for some beautiful and historic building restoration where they worship.
You help them to save a historic building and they will help you...?

My mistake...... or maybe you read it wrong...... doesn't matter.
No, my nephew didn't ask me to make him the beneficiary. I asked him if he would help when the time came, he said he would. Then I told him I had taken out a life insurance policy and he would be the beneficiary.
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Old 08-31-2019, 03:22 PM
 
Location: The beautiful Rogue Valley, Oregon
7,419 posts, read 15,512,080 times
Reputation: 9678
Check the life insurance policy - some won't cover death from suicide in the first 2-3 years after the policy is taken out, some don't cover it at all.
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Old 08-31-2019, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
9,218 posts, read 7,968,945 times
Reputation: 12721
Quote:
Originally Posted by Windwalker2 View Post
When my mother was diagnosed with a usually terminal cancer at age 94, the doctor called me and told me that at her age there was little chance anything could be done that would help her. If they did surgery it wouldn't help for long. He advised hospice. We all agreed and she died two months later. She was mentally competent until the end. This was in 2016, so some doctors are still being honest about this.
My wife had lung cancer and was doing chemo for 5 years. There came a point when her chemo doctor told her there was nothing more she could do. My wife said I understand and I am thankful for your candidness. How long do I have? She was told 3 months give or take a month. My wife went on in-home hospice and died peacefully 3 months later.
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Old 08-31-2019, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Middletown, Maryland
908 posts, read 490,896 times
Reputation: 2851
Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post

My Final Exit plan is that when I get to a point that I, and I alone, consider my quality of life is no more, I plan on taking my own life. As of now, I am far from that point but I do have a plan.
Good for you. I hope to do the same, I just donít know how yet. After caring for my dad with Parkinsonís for ten years and now my mom with Alzheimerís and my MIL at 102 in a nursing home for three years now. 12k a month for her. It's all too much. If my MIL was in her right mind I know sheíd want to leave this life. I donít know what the answer is, but there has to be an easier way to exit this life.

Iím 61, married, my husband is 67 and weíre ok for right now. Finances wonít be an issue when and if we choose a CCRC. But why should I spend all that money on care when I know I'll have no desire to live if I make it to 95? I wonít put my daughter through all that if I can help it.
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Old 08-31-2019, 05:11 PM
 
Location: delaware
695 posts, read 874,825 times
Reputation: 2410
Quote:
Originally Posted by MI-Roger View Post
We are still considering a CCRC. Our preferred one includes Independent Living Villas, Independent Living Apartments, Assisted Living Apartments, and Skilled Nursing Facility.

But these are not cheap, and affordable facilities may take you far from friends and your social centers.






I worked as a geriatric social worker, and retired about the time when CCRCs were becoming more popular. They are expensive and the monthly fees go up usually every year. They are group living, and although one does not have to participate in the activities of the CCRC, my observation is that one can become known as a pariah, with little or no participation.


I am on the waiting list for what can be described as a moderately priced one, but even with that, the cottages and apartments are small, something I'd have a hard time getting used to. I've been offered two in last year, but have turned down both. AT this point, I'm rather independent, have help with housework, yard work-small yard, and still drive, although Uber is available . I think I can make it for another 8-9 years where I am- I'm 76, and I can buy some additional help if needed. Also , I have LTC insurance which can supplement some.


My town may be trying to become part of a VIllage to Village network, which is designed to help keep seniors in their homes for as long as possible, by developing resources for household maintenance, transportation, social outlets, for which members pay a yearly fee, determined by the kinds/amount of services offered. I am involved in the planning of such a program, and see such programs multiplying all over the country. With such a program and LTC, these might be enough insulation for many seniors.


Catsy
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Old 08-31-2019, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,490 posts, read 44,211,061 times
Reputation: 47324
My mother lived for 10 years with me and our kids. I would not recommend that, especially with teenagers. Finally I put her in assisted living because I simply was burned out. She had dementia but not much physically wrong with her. When her dementia got really bad I simply sat her down and talked to her. She was desperately unhappy and depressed. She had been in the ALF for 5 years.

I told her that her work on earth was done and she had much to be proud of. Her children were educated and living productive lives (although my brother was dead she did not believe it so I wasn't going to bring it up). I told her that her grandchildren were happy and educated, had good jobs and happy lives. That she had managed her money so well that she got the best care possible and there would be some left for the rest of her family after she was gone. I told her if she was ready to go it was OK by me. She had my permission to leave and she did not have to stay. But I would be right by her side caring for her as long as she wanted me to.

In three days she died.

I strongly think she was holding on because of some sort of guilt or misplaced loyalty to family. I was with her but I don't know if she was aware. It was a smooth death in her bed in the assisted living facility. She was 86 years old. She was definitely ready.
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Old 08-31-2019, 08:58 PM
 
Location: South Park, San Diego
5,015 posts, read 7,702,755 times
Reputation: 9433
My 87 y.o. mother and thankfully with all of her faculties and in good health, has expressed exactly what I would wish for me. Just smother me with a pillow if I’m not able to take care of myself and enjoy life. Nice to know there are finally legal ways (states) where a planned end of life can happen in this country.

Why do a good many of us need to completely drain our estates just to hang on for a few more years to fund the salaries of a few caretakers while we slobber away, in discomfort and mostly unaware in a bed when it could be put to a much better good use for our spouse, children and designated beneficiaries? Much less to have to carry that often crushing financial burden ourselves for aging parents.
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Old 08-31-2019, 09:53 PM
 
Location: California
170 posts, read 68,514 times
Reputation: 440
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
I know and sometimes it's the patient driving it, too. I know of 3 people over age 75 who had bone marrow or stem cell transplants. None survived more than a year after that. Having read plenty on the Acute Myeloid Leukemia FB page before DH died, I know that it was a "Hail Mary" that might work but if you developed graft-vs.-host disease (basically a rejection of the donated material) it typically led to a ton of suffering and usually death, even in young people.

I'm 66 and darned healthy but I hope that if I get a scary diagnosis I'll have the guts to say "Game Over" rather than submit to treatments that have a 5% chance of success and a 100% chance of making my last days on earth miserable.
I have to agree with you. I, too, have known a lot of people trying to prolong their life as long as possible no matter what. I had a friend that had a quadruple bypass at age 85. She survived but is having a rough time with other things quickly becoming wrong with her like her eyesight is messed up, etc. due to the surgery. Another friend 90 years old basically sat in a chair all day drugged up with opioids. She complained to the doctor about the pills making her sick and he threatened that she would die if she didn't take them.

I'm 71 and in pretty good health but, other than a vitamin pill, I don't take any drugs. I went through the drug stage a few years ago. After having excellent test results for my age when I began the drugs, then terrible results after taking them for a year, that was it for me. There are way too many side effects that cause doctors to start giving more and more pills to help the patient with those side effects. It becomes totally out of control. I feel sorry for people because they do get scared when the doctor starts telling them that this, or that, COULD happen if they don't take these pills.
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