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Old 09-12-2019, 11:03 AM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,584 posts, read 12,775,870 times
Reputation: 20140

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Death doesn't bother me, but sometimes I'm a little overwhelmed by the demands of caregiving. I'm 72, and a big, strong, vigorous man. I may do things a little slower nowadays, but I can still do anything I ever could. My wife has had surgery for kidney cancer, two hip replacements and a knee surgery. I have a cousin with MS, and my best friend has colon cancer. I'm often the only healthy person around, and it's pretty stressful. Lots of things are getting away from me. The yard is a mess. Projects and hobbies get neglected. I have been putting off a trip to Europe for years, because every time I make reservations someone's health crisis pops up.

Yeah, I know. Welcome to the pity party. I have my health, a beautiful home, and plenty to keep me occupied. I really am grateful, just a little tired.
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Old 09-12-2019, 11:11 AM
 
479 posts, read 989,620 times
Reputation: 707
I'm 53, retired, and long-life does not exist in my tiny family pretty much. Despite this I'm totally OK with exiting now, in 10 years, 20... Like so many, it's the hows and whys of our demise we find most disturbing, and for me as well, it's all about dignity. I was a hospice volunteer for veterans, and I never heard one of my patients (friends) as hard as it is to believe, wanting, asking for more time even when the end was very near... I can say however I felt a deep sense on their part, of wanting their exit to be dignified - Go out like a soldier despite how cliche this may sound. Part of maintaining this dignity for some, was to have issues, events, and experiences from long-ago wartime service made right, without judgement from someone who understood them... Horrific things shared I know I was the only person to ever hear, and the catharsis they experienced before passing was something I will never forget or how it felt. I also heard tales of great kindness and compassion that to this day, brings me to tears... Even as I write this. I feel very fortunate to have been a part in this story of their lives, and will never forget how much I learned, how much it helped and humbled me.

I look at my life as an impossible lottery winner... The chance I should exist is so infinitesimally small, looking with incredible wonder and gratitude that I am self-aware, have intelligence, and am sentient... That nature has allowed me to experience herself. Yes, suffering great physical or mental pain can IMO make life itself unfit for living for many, and I have no issues whatever for people to end their physical existence when wanted... What's a more basic individual right, than after deep and thorough and consideration the ability and means to humanely exit this world on your terms?

Lastly in the spirit of may we all live long, healthy, contented lives (especially as we age), I present my neighbor: Mid 90's, married for over 70 years, WWII combat vet, still drives in a careful and normal manner, and LOVES to tend to his yard. I experience such joy watching him do even the most mundane tasks - Pulling weeds, tending to his flowers, even shoveling light snow.



Attached Thumbnails
Of death and dying it seems all around me.  Depressing!-d75_1586oldmanresized.jpg   Of death and dying it seems all around me.  Depressing!-d75_1590oldman-resized.jpg  
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Old 09-12-2019, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,543 posts, read 9,312,443 times
Reputation: 13526
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicet4 View Post
I went through my 20's to my 60's without losing a long time friend but lately something is happening and it is worrisome. Lost my oldest and longest friend three years ago one day before his 70th birthday. Far to young to die of a sudden, unexpected heart attack.

A young man I trained died a couple years ago at age 50 of a sudden heart attack. Today I got 21 years on him and I am still ticking. Doesn't seem fair.

And now, in just the last two weeks, I've lost two more acquaintances to death.

Last night I told my wife if there is something we want to do we're not going to wait but go do it. I guess we are all living on borrowed time but that fact really hit me today.

I want to go before my wife because I don't know how I would handle the sadness but then for me to say that seems selfish of me. She went to the paint store today and selected some colors for the condo, what would I do without her?

Sorry for the childish rant but the idea of borrowed time just sort of hit me.
well up until July 2 the only two losses was my brother who died in a plane crash in 1998 and my estranged mother in 2012. But on July 2 our 8 year old grand daughter died in her sleep. We and our son are not doing so good.
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Old 09-12-2019, 03:43 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,865 posts, read 3,374,876 times
Reputation: 12614
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr5150 View Post
well up until July 2 the only two losses was my brother who died in a plane crash in 1998 and my estranged mother in 2012. But on July 2 our 8 year old grand daughter died in her sleep. We and our son are not doing so good.



I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine.
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Old 09-12-2019, 04:32 PM
 
454 posts, read 180,256 times
Reputation: 1323
Quote:
Originally Posted by heySkippy View Post
I feel your pain, OP. I've been to too many funerals the last few years and it seems like most were people younger than me. That is exactly the reason I'm retiring in January at age 63.
I retired after the birth of our first grandson, and at the suggestion of a work colleague. I am 63.

My friend at work was getting ready to retire at 82. I asked him if he had any advice for me. He said: "Retire earlier than I did. I waited too long!" I turned in my resignation, and we retired at the same time. Sadly, before he retired, his wife had a major stroke and was diagnosed with cancer. He couldn't even attend our joint retirement party.

I am enjoying retirement so much, and it has only been three months! No regrets. Going on a two week cruise with friends in November.
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Old 09-12-2019, 04:38 PM
 
454 posts, read 180,256 times
Reputation: 1323
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
Where did you read this?
He has talked about his girlfriend in many of his posts.
So what, does it really matter if he has a husband, wife, girlfriend, or pet?
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Old 09-12-2019, 04:54 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,962 posts, read 7,230,526 times
Reputation: 14819
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
My mom was doing well until she hit 80. Then she was diagnosed with amyloidosis which is what eventually killed her. The doctors gave her two years when she was diagnosed but she lived four years. Unfortunately the disease sapped her strength and she had to get transfusions regularly but she still lived alone until that last week. Most of my family died between 75-80 except my paternal grandfather who made it to just shy of his 97th birthday. He had dementia the last few years however but lived alone till he was around 92.

It's kind of a crap shoot when to take retirement; you want to have some years left to enjoy retirement but you also want to get as much Social Security as possible. Serious Conversation - I'm glad you had those years with your husband to enjoy life before he became ill.
I think that was Harpaint (post #22) that talked about the good 10 years of retirement with her husband before his health went downhill.
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Old 09-12-2019, 04:55 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,962 posts, read 7,230,526 times
Reputation: 14819
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr5150 View Post
well up until July 2 the only two losses was my brother who died in a plane crash in 1998 and my estranged mother in 2012. But on July 2 our 8 year old grand daughter died in her sleep. We and our son are not doing so good.
I'm so sorry for your losses.
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Old 09-12-2019, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Haiku
4,856 posts, read 2,782,538 times
Reputation: 7083
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
Death doesn't bother me, but sometimes I'm a little overwhelmed by the demands of caregiving. I'm 72, and a big, strong, vigorous man. I may do things a little slower nowadays, but I can still do anything I ever could. My wife has had surgery for kidney cancer, two hip replacements and a knee surgery. I have a cousin with MS, and my best friend has colon cancer. I'm often the only healthy person around, and it's pretty stressful. Lots of things are getting away from me. The yard is a mess. Projects and hobbies get neglected. I have been putting off a trip to Europe for years, because every time I make reservations someone's health crisis pops up.
Sit down and book your trip. I went through something similar with my wife who has serious osteoporosis which has taken years of treatment and no traveling. She knew I wanted to go to Africa and she strongly encouraged me to go alone, which I did just this year. It was the trip of a lifetime for me but it almost got way-laid several times due to various little emergencies. My wife was great though, she kept telling me to forget all that stuff and just go. So I went, rented a 4x4 truck and drove across Africa, camping. You have to seize these opportunities, we are not getting any younger.
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Old 09-12-2019, 05:21 PM
 
2,435 posts, read 1,235,933 times
Reputation: 10121
Our family cemetery is filling up fast these days. Living on borrowed time is right.
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