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Old Yesterday, 01:10 PM
Location: equator
3,816 posts, read 1,676,681 times
Reputation: 9578


Maybe he has pain he isn't telling you about. It might hurt to do a lot of activities.

Arthritis can be crippling and limiting, and not obvious to an onlooker. He might be too proud to admit his joints are aching and even housework or cooking is difficult.

My shoulders are aching just from holding the mixer to make a cake! So swimming laps or rowing a kayak is out of the question, though the "spirit" would love it.

Shudder to think how 80 will look if 64 is this bad. AAARGHH. So I relate to your dear dad.
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Old Yesterday, 01:48 PM
Location: Wonderland
46,035 posts, read 37,156,476 times
Reputation: 65455
OK, look, I'm not retired but I quit working my arse off (which is basically what I was doing) after being in the work force full time (way more than full time actually) for about 25 years, because all four of our VERY elderly parents got sick like dominoes, one after the other, and I got tired of using all my vacation time just sitting in hospitals with people. Thankfully my husband's income is good so he suggested me quitting work at age 50 so that I had SOME time for me and for us, and I took him up on it.

Over the next seven years, all four of our parents as well as one of my brothers passed away. I hate to say this but at least they weren't all critically sick all at once - it was just one right after the other. And due to family locations and jobs, the brunt of the caregiving, and then estate settlement, fell to my husband and me - which means mostly me.

My brother who passed away had cancer and lived several states away and was married so I wasn't doing any caregiving - it was just an emotional blow and still is (he just passed away a few weeks ago, and he was younger than me).

Mom passed away earlier this year. Her care was intensive because she had dementia and she has always been a handful anyway.

I say all that to say that in January when she passed away, suddenly I had nothing pressing to do. At first it was nice just to rest but then it became cloying. So I ramped up my volunteering, which I've always been involved with anyway. That has been a huge help, to others but also to me. Now I volunteer several times a week for the bulk of the day. And this particular volunteer work requires for me to put a teaching plan together so that's several more hours a week, usually in the evenings.

Between volunteering, reading, getting together with friends, spending time with my husband and adult kids, traveling, working in the yard, keeping the books for our business, etc. my days are full. I never take a nap - I'm not sure I could even actually do it. I get up at 6 am. I go to bed around 11 pm and then read in bed for awhile. I love keeping my house clean. I have a few crafts I get into occasionally - either painting or sewing.

But you know what I'm not doing? I'm not busting my arse making someone else a lot of money. I'm not reading business emails at 5 am. I'm not working till 7 at an office and fretting on the way home about what to throw together for supper. I'm not answering business calls on vacation, or sitting in a hospital waiting room, or whatever.

My point is that when you quit working, you realize that you can do what you want to do - and it's great. It IS an adjustment. But I found my natural rhythm. I found out that I am a person who needs 6 hours of sleep a night. If left to my own devises, I get up at 6 am. Not 5 am. I am organized without being stressed about it. I am always dressed by 8 or 9 but I'm in comfortable clothes, not work clothes (at 7).

Some days I want to work in the yard. Other days, I don't want to. If I want to, I do it. If I don't want to, I don't do it. If I want to hang laundry outside, I don't have to worry about whether or not it might rain before I get off work. I also don't have to do it before 7 am.

If I want to grow, pick, and dry herbs (yes, please), I do it whenever I want to.

IF I want to go visit an adult child and grandkids for a few days, I just go do it. I don't have to work around vacation time or availability.

It's grand.
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Old Yesterday, 01:50 PM
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,753 posts, read 2,887,303 times
Reputation: 4634
Originally Posted by Dave_n_Tenn View Post
However I'm in good health and my BP and Cholesterol is golden. No meds.

Donít get Lyme disease. That changed a lot for me.
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Old Yesterday, 02:58 PM
Location: Southwest Washington State
22,663 posts, read 14,876,255 times
Reputation: 32464
We used to run around much more after we first retired. We take life much easier after 13 years of retirement.
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Old Yesterday, 03:02 PM
819 posts, read 150,481 times
Reputation: 759
Originally Posted by ERH View Post
Apologies in advance to those of you who like to spend every day piddling around and doing nothing but watch the grass grow, but I think I'd rather eat my gun than to live a life without some kind of goal or purpose and *something* to strive for and/or get done every day.

My 80yo dad just watches the hours pass on the clock, book-ending his days with morning coffee and evening supper, with not much to show for the entire day in between. On occasion, he'll get fired up to do something in his workshop, but other than that, nada.

I fully recognize that I have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE. It's his retirement and he can do, or not do, whatever he pleases. It just kills me to see someone -- anyone -- wasting precious time.

To each his own.

I sure don't want or need people trying to force me into doing what they want me to do.

Perhaps he has enjoyed life enough and all he wants now is to settle down and relax. Nothing's wrong with that.
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Old Yesterday, 03:17 PM
Location: SoCal
14,115 posts, read 6,757,878 times
Reputation: 10798
No nap? what is the world coming to. After a vigorous game of pickle ball, my husband was napping for 2 hours. After a 2 hours of massage, I couldn’t keep my eyes open in the day even.
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Old Yesterday, 04:27 PM
Status: "Hard work is never easy" (set 4 days ago)
Location: Florida/Tennessee
3,125 posts, read 4,457,478 times
Reputation: 1802
Naps are understated and under rated.... especially after fishing all day.
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Old Yesterday, 04:32 PM
Location: SW US
2,266 posts, read 2,083,670 times
Reputation: 3925
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
I like what another poster said. Sit and talk to him. Ask him about your ancestors.

I regret not doing this with my dad. Thankfully my mom lived much longer and she told us lots of things.

The same thing happened with me. I started researching his family after my Dad died and I so much regret not having talked to him about his family and ancestors.
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Old Yesterday, 04:41 PM
Location: too far from the sea
20,304 posts, read 19,285,182 times
Reputation: 34695
Originally Posted by Windwalker2 View Post
The same thing happened with me. I started researching his family after my Dad died and I so much regret not having talked to him about his family and ancestors.
I asked about twenty years ago. Man oh man oh man oh man oh man. So much I never knew, so many places I had to see, so many mysteries to unravel.

But I think the advice on here is good--who knows about this guy? Maybe he's happy? Maybe he's bored? Seems like maybe the son could ask and see if his dad wanted any help or ideas for things to do. But maybe he's doing exactly what he wants to do and it isn't going to make one iota of difference in the quality or length of his life.

My ex inlaws--MIL was always on her feet, up and down the stairs, then cooking and cleaning and out and about. FIL was a couch potato and would watch two tv channels at the same time (somehow.) They were both happy and died within a few months of each other.
my posts as moderator will be in red. Moderator: Health&Wellness~Genealogy. The Rules--read here>>> TOS. If someone attacks you, do not reply. Hit REPORT.
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Old Yesterday, 05:01 PM
Location: Texas Hill Country
10,274 posts, read 5,663,973 times
Reputation: 8636
We-ll, the OP's argument is how I approached thesis. I continued taking classes, both in and out of my major, because I wanted something to keep me anchored, so I didn't approach each empty, aside from work, day as "I'll do that tomorrow.".

Further, it is a reason I am in no hurry to retire for I can see myself becoming a couch potato, an internet junkie, or even worse, one of those overseas leaders who they overthrew, put on house arrest, and gave them all the alcohol they wanted.......so they drank themselves to death.

So while I am no one to tell another how to spend their time.....I can see the OP's fears.
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