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Old Yesterday, 07:52 AM
 
Location: SoCal
14,118 posts, read 6,763,768 times
Reputation: 10810

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I think the brother is smart, just wave and say high.
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Old Yesterday, 07:55 AM
 
6,600 posts, read 5,266,487 times
Reputation: 13644
Did you imply that he watches porn not ten feet away from you?
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Old Yesterday, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Central Connecticut
433 posts, read 282,369 times
Reputation: 977
I helped my father by coming to do things for him that he couldn’t do for himself, but drew the line when he wanted me to move in with him - and he was unable to drive. Instead, he moved to assisted living near me, and liked living there.

Your father can still drive, mow the lawn, and take care of himself. I see no reason for you to live with him, except that he wants you there. I can’t imagine a marriage staying strong in your situation.
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Old Yesterday, 08:10 AM
 
6,600 posts, read 5,266,487 times
Reputation: 13644
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loriact View Post
I helped my father by coming to do things for him that he couldnít do for himself, but drew the line when he wanted me to move in with him - and he was unable to drive. Instead, he moved to assisted living near me, and liked living there.

Your father can still drive, mow the lawn, and take care of himself. I see no reason for you to live with him, except that he wants you there. I canít imagine a marriage staying strong in your situation.
Maybe i read her post too fast, did she say the father wanted her there?
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Old Yesterday, 08:12 AM
 
6,600 posts, read 5,266,487 times
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By any chance is he a war vetran? Maybe Vietnam?

He sounds like what happened to my oldest brother. Used to be super organized and ended up living in squalor with years old dog feces behind furniture. Ten year old meat in the many freezers he purchased. Always buying something. Never finishing his projects. Thankfully he is in a retirement home now. Wanted to start hoarding there also - they didn't let him - lol.
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Old Yesterday, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Midwest
4,415 posts, read 7,253,449 times
Reputation: 7724
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERH View Post
Apologies in advance to those of you who like to spend every day piddling around and doing nothing but watch the grass grow, but I think I'd rather eat my gun than to live a life without some kind of goal or purpose and *something* to strive for and/or get done every day.

My 80yo dad just watches the hours pass on the clock, book-ending his days with morning coffee and evening supper, with not much to show for the entire day in between. On occasion, he'll get fired up to do something in his workshop, but other than that, nada.

I fully recognize that I have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE. It's his retirement and he can do, or not do, whatever he pleases. It just kills me to see someone -- anyone -- wasting precious time.
There is your answer. Get over it or die mad, someday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
maybe he is enjoying precious time.
Enjoying instead of worrying about what others do with their time. Indeed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaofan View Post
Do you feel better now that you've waved that big, fat virtue flag for a bunch of random strangers to see?
Or the busybody flag. Don't worry, be happy, OP!
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Old Yesterday, 08:23 AM
 
1,971 posts, read 441,423 times
Reputation: 1808
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERH View Post
Apologies in advance to those of you who like to spend every day piddling around and doing nothing but watch the grass grow, but I think I'd rather eat my gun than to live a life without some kind of goal or purpose and *something* to strive for and/or get done every day.

My 80yo dad just watches the hours pass on the clock, book-ending his days with morning coffee and evening supper, with not much to show for the entire day in between. On occasion, he'll get fired up to do something in his workshop, but other than that, nada.

I fully recognize that I have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE. It's his retirement and he can do, or not do, whatever he pleases. It just kills me to see someone -- anyone -- wasting precious time.
You'll find contentment in just living. Period. I'm probably near your age and have a ton of energy (just ran 4 miles under 8 min/mile in humid FL). I have parents who were just like me full of energy.

But that changes as you get older. You've accomplished everything you're probably going to accomplish. Your friends have died off. Daily goals change as does your energy level. My father and mother still do a lot, but are less apt to do stuff they did 10-20 yrs ago.

If they're happy, I'm happy.

Having some social interaction for your Dad would be great. Does he have that? My parents live in an continuing care facility where activities appropriate for 80yr olds are available.

Last edited by TBMorgan; Yesterday at 08:35 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 08:33 AM
 
1,971 posts, read 441,423 times
Reputation: 1808
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Dude or dudette - you are probably one of those people that are always on the go now - so you won't change.

Don't worry about it.
I think the OP needs to read up on the go-go, slow go, no go phases of retirement.......what one could do in his 50-60's is often much less appealing at 80-90. I live in a community where there are a lot of exceptions to that rule as there are 80+ in the fitness center, doing Pilates, yoga, lifting. And volunteering, RVing, etc. Everyone has been made from a different mold. Having good health is also key.
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Old Yesterday, 08:45 AM
 
Location: SoCal
14,118 posts, read 6,763,768 times
Reputation: 10810
I think the father has some kind of depression, but that doesnít mean OP should ignore her family. They come first. I do what I can to help my parents.
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Old Yesterday, 08:46 AM
 
6,600 posts, read 5,266,487 times
Reputation: 13644
Quote:
Originally Posted by TBMorgan View Post
I think the OP needs to read up on the go-go, slow go, no go phases of retirement.......what one could do in his 50-60's is often much less appealing at 80-90. I live in a community where there are a lot of exceptions to that rule as there are 80+ in the fitness center, doing Pilates, yoga, lifting. And volunteering, RVing, etc. Everyone has been made from a different mold. Having good health is also key.
After reading her response, it appears there have been issues with the father all his life
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