U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Today, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
6,081 posts, read 5,015,547 times
Reputation: 20771

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by ERH View Post
Apologies in advance to those of you who like to spend every day piddling around and doing nothing but watch the grass grow, but I think I'd rather eat my gun than to live a life without some kind of goal or purpose and *something* to strive for and/or get done every day.

My 80yo dad just watches the hours pass on the clock, book-ending his days with morning coffee and evening supper, with not much to show for the entire day in between. On occasion, he'll get fired up to do something in his workshop, but other than that, nada.

I fully recognize that I have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE. It's his retirement and he can do, or not do, whatever he pleases. It just kills me to see someone -- anyone -- wasting precious time.
You do you.

You could just ask him if there's anything he'd like to do today, or next week. Or you could tell him when you're going somewhere he might enjoy, and ask if he wants to tag along. He might surprise you with a suggestion. He probably isn't comfortable driving much anymore, so "doing something" that involves driving to get there might not be something he can do. If he says no, that he's content puttering, then don't worry about it. He's doing what MAKES HIM HAPPY. He is, after all, not you. He's 80, and entitled to do as he pleases.

Last edited by TheShadow; Today at 10:20 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Today, 09:54 AM
 
1,517 posts, read 742,660 times
Reputation: 4813
Nothing to add. Most said it all.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 09:56 AM
 
6,577 posts, read 5,252,295 times
Reputation: 13580
But please don't be that 80 year old that insists on doing heavy yardwork for example while dragging a foot around or complaining of pain.

Had one old lady keep doing that while insisiting on helping us at a community cleanup. People told her to sit down etc. She would wave them off

I said - just let her do it. If an 80 year old sickly person doesn't have the sense to listen to their body - suffer the consequences. The woman had reproduced - had grandchildren, great, granchildren etc. You would think she would know better? Have some sense - nope. Dropped dead a month later.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 09:57 AM
 
12,264 posts, read 5,368,930 times
Reputation: 19997
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaraR. View Post
sorry but sitting around all day doing nothing isn't good for anyone, no matter how old they are.
To you it's doing nothing. To him he's doing what he wants to. My grandfather spent the last 20 years of his life at home "relaxing". He rarely got out, watched TV when he felt like it and kept himself amused at home piddling around. He lived to be 90. It certainly didn't hurt him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,219 posts, read 7,027,655 times
Reputation: 7720
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERH View Post

I fully recognize that I have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE. It's his retirement and he can do, or not do, whatever he pleases. It just kills me to see someone -- anyone -- wasting precious time.
Your entire post was negatively judging people who (in your opinion) "waste their time." It's amusing you don't even recognize this.

It's not your business or anyone's business to determine how any retired person spends their time. If someone wants to sit on their porch for the next 20 years, why do you care and why do you fret about it? It's their life, it's their choice. And the people who enjoy "doing nothing" might look at you with pity, since you wish to have a purpose in life. Let each person determine how they spend their time. I think there's also an element of ego in this, since you are gung ho to have deep meaning in your retirement, while someone who watches reruns of Ozzie and Harriet are obviously of a lesser ilk.

Something to think about?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
8,358 posts, read 5,116,305 times
Reputation: 30614
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcandme View Post
Nothing to add. Most said it all.
And quite disagreeably, too. There are always a few sour individuals we can reliably depend on to get their hackles up.

OP, I get it. Your worst nightmare is being played out right before your eyes.

I think sons emulate their fathers, unless that father was a horrible person. You are at a crossroads. Youíre shocked to realize as of now you are completely on your own, because you donít want to end up as ďthat guyĒ. Heís your Dad, you love him, but sitting around all day is not for you.

And thatís fine.

Be well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:41 AM
 
Location: SoCal
14,098 posts, read 6,747,334 times
Reputation: 10771
It’s Friday the 13th.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,858 posts, read 3,369,634 times
Reputation: 12598
It seems like only last week I was up and at 'em and ready to go and do something. Had a hard time being still and not doing anything or going somewhere.

Sorry to say it's becoming apparent those days are over.

When we least expect it, changes can happen in our bodies that we weren't anticipating and that alone has caused me to slow down a lot.

Getting used to these changes takes time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 11:09 AM
 
7,676 posts, read 8,861,821 times
Reputation: 10042
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERH View Post
My 80yo dad just watches the hours pass on the clock, book-ending his days with morning coffee and evening supper, with not much to show for the entire day in between.
You've just described my mother, over a few decades. Except for doctor appointments, weekly hair appointment and eating out, she plays computer solitaire or she naps. She doesn't just nap, she takes to her bed several times a day. It's a combo of anxiety, boredom, stress-release, depression and habit.

She's done some form of this my whole life, although less so when I was younger, where talking on the phone and watching soaps on TV took up some of that time. But napping was always something she did or she'd say she "has a sick headache, and nausea", and take to her bed for a few hours. She was anxious, depressed, and untreated. My father napped a lot too on the weekends, and almost as much as my mother once he retired. It is sad to watch but it's also a lesson on not disengaging from life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 11:11 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
7,016 posts, read 3,872,473 times
Reputation: 13234
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
Itís Friday the 13th.
What year?

It is not unusual to have a hard time transitioning from a busy and stressful work life with daily check-off lists and weekly achievement goals to a more relaxed and calm life in retirement -- and a few of us overshoot the target and get stuck in the recliner. My super-power in retirement is procrastination and finding inventive ways to waste time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top