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Old Yesterday, 05:53 PM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
32,418 posts, read 37,145,030 times
Reputation: 39360

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Lost my mom this year at 83. I used to go down for about the last 5 years and just sit with her and hang out, talk politics, drink coffee and enjoy our time together. We'd go outside and enjoy the sunny days not really needing to do anything. She always had a short to do list for me.

Try that with your 80yo dad. You might not have many years left with him. You or him.

Now I can't watch her do nothing any longer.
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Old Yesterday, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Haiku
4,837 posts, read 2,779,235 times
Reputation: 7060
Quote:
Originally Posted by ndcairngorm View Post
You didn't miss much. Half the posters were saying, "I'm 92 and I'm still going strong with 15 activities every day," and the other half were telling the OP to get lost and mind his own business.
I think that is pretty much the norm around here, whatever the thread is. Bunch of curmudgeons.
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Old Yesterday, 06:11 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
46,026 posts, read 37,139,736 times
Reputation: 65402
OP, is your dad bored? If not, what are you worried about? You do you and let Dad do Dad. And enjoy your time with him (try to chill and let HIM set the pace) because it's not forever - these days are numbered.
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Old Yesterday, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,861 posts, read 3,372,297 times
Reputation: 12603
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallysmom View Post
I feel bad for the OP. This continual need to be productive ó Iíve seen a number of people who have sucked the joy out of their lives because they need to be productive.



I think this starts at a young age. Someone tells him he's not doing enough.
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Old Yesterday, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Alaska
263 posts, read 128,105 times
Reputation: 943
My Dad has been gone 21years and my Mom 7 years

I wish I could hang out and be nonproductive with them.
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Old Yesterday, 07:00 PM
 
15,372 posts, read 31,513,232 times
Reputation: 18832
In my dad's last years he enjoyed working in his garden or occasional fishing; but he also enjoyed spending many lazy hours just rocking outside in his swing, smoking having a beer and enjoying nature and doing nothing. Once in awhile someone would come by and ask him if he wasn't bored just sitting around doing nothing and he would answer "Nope, you should try it some time!" Miss my dad.
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Old Yesterday, 07:18 PM
 
6,579 posts, read 5,257,205 times
Reputation: 13597
I like what another poster said. Sit and talk to him. Ask him about your ancestors.

I regret not doing this with my dad. Thankfully my mom lived much longer and she told us lots of things.
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Old Yesterday, 07:59 PM
 
454 posts, read 179,602 times
Reputation: 1318
I say help your dad out. Spend time with him. Be glad that he isn't lying in a nursing home bed somewhere, he lives on his own and cares for himself. If you are bored, ask him about the past. He would probably love to talk about it.
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Old Yesterday, 08:08 PM
 
26,447 posts, read 33,477,703 times
Reputation: 33150
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERH View Post
Apologies in advance to those of you who like to spend every day piddling around and doing nothing but watch the grass grow, but I think I'd rather eat my gun than to live a life without some kind of goal or purpose and *something* to strive for and/or get done every day.

My 80yo dad just watches the hours pass on the clock, book-ending his days with morning coffee and evening supper, with not much to show for the entire day in between. On occasion, he'll get fired up to do something in his workshop, but other than that, nada.

I fully recognize that I have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE. It's his retirement and he can do, or not do, whatever he pleases. It just kills me to see someone -- anyone -- wasting precious time.
To YOU, it's wasted. Other people might think that the time that you spend on certain things is wasted. You should realize that other people enjoy different aspects of life than you do.
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Old Yesterday, 08:41 PM
 
454 posts, read 179,602 times
Reputation: 1318
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERH View Post
Apologies in advance to those of you who like to spend every day piddling around and doing nothing but watch the grass grow, but I think I'd rather eat my gun than to live a life without some kind of goal or purpose and *something* to strive for and/or get done every day.

My 80yo dad just watches the hours pass on the clock, book-ending his days with morning coffee and evening supper, with not much to show for the entire day in between. On occasion, he'll get fired up to do something in his workshop, but other than that, nada.

I fully recognize that I have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE. It's his retirement and he can do, or not do, whatever he pleases. It just kills me to see someone -- anyone -- wasting precious time.
This is you. What you want to do with your life, is not what another may want to do.

I knew a man whose wife had M.S. The woman needed the assistance of a ventilator in order to breathe. She lives in her bed 24/7. She was not happy with her life, but believed that she is alive for a reason. She enjoys her life when her family comes to visit. HER LIFE, her choice.Her husband said he "can't believe she chooses to live like this." He would "never accept this kind of life." He ended up divorcing her in order to save his half of their assets and their family home.He can choose for himself when the time comes.

My mother, who was 92 and chose to care for my abusive 55 year old paranoid schizophrenic sister, told the doctors that she still wanted them to "save her." She had pneumonia and was facing multi-system organ failure, and was on a ventilator. Her life, her choice.

There is nothing wrong with being judgmental. Everyone has their own opinion.
It is just easier to make other people's life decisions rather than your own when the time comes.

I remember my FIL once telling all of us that he never wanted "heroics" when receiving medical treatment. He was talking about 10 years or more "down the road."
He got older and had to have a heart bypass. He also had three major strokes. The doctors asked him in front of us: "Do you want us to save you? Do you want to live?" He could barely speak with his aphasia, but he always said "yes." He lived another 12 years, in and out of hospitals, our home, and nursing homes. He was paralyzed on one side and could not speak. Yet, he loved visiting with our kids and watching them grow up. HIS LIFE. His choice. Yes, he changed his mind, and is allowed to do so. We all are.

Maybe your father is happy.
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