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Old 09-16-2019, 09:04 AM
 
807 posts, read 247,710 times
Reputation: 2234

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lieneke View Post
They're sneaky with moving in, first claiming that they need a place to store stuff, then a garage for a car, and suddenly they are using your address as their home address. When you try to get them out, they produce something with their name and your address, and that is recognized as their legal right to live in your home. I moved out of my home to get rid of someone like that - drastic, but it worked.

When someone decides that it's a great idea to move in with me, I agree that living together is a fantastic idea so we should look for a neutral home that we can make our own. That usually puts a full stop to the idea of living together.

Singles are more vulnerable to opportunists like this, making it safer to connect with others who have the same values of owning a home. The Peter Pan grasshoppers of the world can live in cardboard boxes when they are old.
Your tactic of mentioning that finding a new place to live together rather than letting him move into your pad is fantastic! I'm guessing that it's quite useful in helping to weed out many of the potential users from the get-go.

I used to occasionally run into opportunists like these even when I was a single renter in my twenties who lived alone (usually in a two bedroom place because I enjoyed having guests and could afford to pay for the extra space).

As soon as they discovered that I had my own place, they tried (either subtly or overtly) to make plans to move into it or to store their stuff there. Toothbrush, a few minor personal possessions, and a change of clothes was as much as I'd allow a man to keep in my home. Anything more than that smacks of someone trying to gain squatter's rights and I was having none of that.

I shut out those types of men immediately. A man who could not handle his own life and finances was not a person who I needed in my life---and home.

As a divorced homeowner, the same rules apply.
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Old 09-16-2019, 09:16 AM
 
Location: Former LI'er Now Rehoboth Beach, DE
8,074 posts, read 10,868,687 times
Reputation: 8341
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
I'm lifelong legally single. I just closed on a property Friday. I've met various people at restaurants, bars, etc.., since then. I've gotten the impression from them that being a single male property owner is "weird."

I don't see myself marrying. This "condition" will likely persist. It's unlikely that I'll marry or have kids within the next couple of years.

As you aged and remained or become single, how did you handle it? Logistically and socially? Do you feel discriminated against because you choose to remain legally single?
I don't get the "legally" since moniker, if you have never been married. Even if you are/were married and are now single, I really don't see the term legally as having any import.

When I was single, ions ago, I used to travel with a "singles" group to avail myself of a group rate that was cheaper than if I travelled alone. Typically, if you were alone it was 1.5 times the going rate for a room as opposed to having a roommate. If you joined this group, it was a little more like 1.25% if you wished a room alone. This was close to 40 years ago so, yes, there are discriminatory practices that have been going on for years against singles.

Be happy you are male, back when I worked on Wall Street, it was way more expensive to dry clean a ladies suit than a man's.

My advice, live your live and be happy and forget about what others think about you. You will be a lot happier.
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Old 09-16-2019, 09:28 AM
 
12,285 posts, read 5,426,698 times
Reputation: 20135
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
Say what? Of course a divorced person is "legally single". There not "legally married". When I bought property after my divorce I was listed as "My legal name, an unmarried woman", not legally single or divorced.
You were listed as an unmarried (no longer married) woman. Not single. There is a difference. If you had never been married you would have been listed as single. If you don't believe me, talk to a real estate attorney, LOL. I'm not the one who wrote the legalese definitions. The exact same thing applies to men BTW.

Last edited by marino760; 09-16-2019 at 09:45 AM..
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Old 09-16-2019, 09:36 AM
 
1,701 posts, read 790,956 times
Reputation: 9311
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
I'm lifelong legally single. I just closed on a property Friday. I've met various people at restaurants, bars, etc.., since then. I've gotten the impression from them that being a single male property owner is "weird."

I don't see myself marrying. This "condition" will likely persist. It's unlikely that I'll marry or have kids within the next couple of years.

As you aged and remained or become single, how did you handle it? Logistically and socially? Do you feel discriminated against because you choose to remain legally single?
First of all, you're "lifelong legally single" at age 33.

My son is a little older than you, single, and likely to buy a house in the next year or so. I see nothing weird about it. Seems smarter than continuing to rent as he plans to stay in the area. I don't know that he will marry or have kids. That's his business and I don't comment on it.

"Getting the impression" that a single male property owner is weird is likely intertwined with other issues you have discussed in your smaller town Southern location.

I bought a property after a divorce in my 30s. (Based on my own income; there was no money to be had from the marriage.) Where I lived in Texas, I never felt (or was made to feel) that was weird in any way. Other issues that sometimes came up as a now-single woman and mother? Yes, of course. But that was life and I just forged ahead and did the best I could and didn't ruminate on it much. And since then, I have remained "legally single."

Last edited by CatzPaw; 09-16-2019 at 09:53 AM..
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Old 09-16-2019, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Arizona
237 posts, read 134,562 times
Reputation: 1109
Quote:
Originally Posted by marino760 View Post
You were listed as an unmarried woman. Not single. There is a difference. If you had never been married you would have been listed as single. If you don't believe me, talk to a real estate attorney, LOL.
I've never heard anyone use the term "legally single" in a social setting but it's true that for a mortgage application you can only check off single if you've never been married. Once you've entered into a marriage if it ends in divorce or a spouse dies your status on the application will be divorced or widowed, not single.

Once you've been divorced or widowed you're technically single but forever labeled in broader terms at least when applying for some forms of credit.
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Old 09-16-2019, 09:54 AM
 
12,285 posts, read 5,426,698 times
Reputation: 20135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sibay View Post
I've never heard anyone use the term "legally single" in a social setting but it's true that for a mortgage application you can only check off single if you've never been married. Once you've entered into a marriage if it ends in divorce or a spouse dies your status on the application will be divorced or widowed, not single.

Once you've been divorced or widowed you're technically single but forever labeled in broader terms at least when applying for some forms of credit.
Well, that's because it's not used in social settings. It's a legal way to state if you were previously married or not for the purpose of owning property and or other things. It has nothing to do with how you see yourself or other people or whether or not you are still married and can remarry. Thank you for clarifying. I'm obviously not doing a good job of it.
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Old 09-16-2019, 10:20 AM
 
Location: SLC
534 posts, read 461,443 times
Reputation: 1019
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
You meet people informally and you should conceal your marital status and the fact that you own a house?

Sheesh! I see remarks of a similar nature peppered throughout threads on C-D. U.S. society has gotten weirder and weirder and weirder.....totally paranoic about social contacts.
...
And, how did you come to infer that from my post?

No - I do not conceal my marital status, neither do I need to bring it up in any conversation where it does not belong. I also do not bring up that fact that I bought a property on Friday in bars and restaurants without a need to do so (and am having trouble visualizing the scenarios where it’d be relevant). It is not being paranoid or weird - simple matter of being relevant in my dialog.

I only made this point since the OP mentioned reactions he/she got in bars and restaurant. To me - his/her sharing the information was more weird than the reaction. It remains the case - even after your weird reaction to my post.
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Old 09-16-2019, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Sylmar, a part of Los Angeles
4,167 posts, read 2,671,582 times
Reputation: 9119
I feel a little odd going to a restaurant alone but I'm getting over that.
I hate it on fathers day at church when the pastor asks all the fathers to stand up.
I feel I would slightly more accepted socially if I were married.
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Old 09-16-2019, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
21,621 posts, read 12,265,211 times
Reputation: 33120
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatzPaw View Post
First of all, you're "lifelong legally single" at age 33.
yes, that's the part that stood out to me although I didn't know OP's exact age, just that it was early 30s.

And I have no idea if he still has a girlfriend or not, but if yes, "legally" single but functionally/socially partnered.
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Old 09-16-2019, 11:06 AM
 
8,316 posts, read 5,243,976 times
Reputation: 14149
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
I think what the OP is meaning by "lifelong legally single" is better described as "never married". For some reason, a lot of young people say they are "single" only when they are without an SO of any type. ...
That’s it. In modern dating culture, referring to oneself as “single” implies that one doesn’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend. To announce that “I’m single again” means that the boyfriend/girlfriend broke up, and have reentered the dating-market. Meanwhile, two persons who’ve shared romantic closeness, a house, and maybe a checking-account, but who have not married, are still “legally single”.

There’s also a raging debate, mostly for the under-40 set, as to whether marriage makes sense or not. The premise is that financial goals rarely align with romantic attraction, so that one’s partner might be appealing in many regards, but too risky of a proposition for financial union. And if the point of marriage is mostly financial, one comes to wonder, as to whether it’s a sound proposition (pun intended).

Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
... Given my generation, I think if I had bought a house as a single guy in a place where there were neighborhoods and neighborliness in the now defunct sense that you would have been assumed to be gay unless you were seen to date women from time to time. ...
As a city-person who moved to an insular small-town to buy a house, the logistical difficulties were nontrivial. First, most real-estate agents are female. For the real estate agent to be driving around a younger (as I was then) single male client, is… awkward. The place that I ended up buying, was being sold by a widow with two kids… she was maybe 5-10 years older than me. Being interested in the house, I wanted to schedule a second and third viewing, without bothering my real-estate agent, contacting the owner directly. This was, needless to say, awkward. The insinuation wasn’t that I’m somehow gay, but rather, that I’m a hungry unattached male out on the prowl, and am using this whole house-hunting scheme as way of bedding women. Beyond that, I’d be peppered with question such as, “How do you know that your future wife will like this house? Don’t you want to get married first, so that you guys could choose your house as a couple”.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nuts2uiam View Post
My advice, live your live and be happy and forget about what others think about you. You will be a lot happier.
That's great advice philosophically, but gets harder to implement, as we age and find our circle of friends dwindling, to marriage and children.

Let me give a practical example. I enjoy the sport of automotive drag-racing. This is popular locally, and consists of teams building a car and running it down the quarter-mile track. Being somewhat of a novice, I joined the local club, and went to one of their meetings. After the formal meeting, I approached their president, asking him to introduce me to the group, stating that I'm available to volunteer as an apprentice, to assist some team, learning their craft, and thus educating myself. The reply was that this is problematic, because most teams are family-based. The father is the crew-chief. the mother is the accountant and logistics-person, one son drives, another son does the routine mechanical work and so forth. Those without families wouldn't be welcomed.
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