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Old 09-18-2019, 01:50 PM
 
3,280 posts, read 883,557 times
Reputation: 1877

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay_F View Post
I'd like to add some respectful comments, and perhaps another perspective.

If said in the spirit that the man is unreasonable, has emotional weakness, is selfish, insecure, etc, I see it this way.

While I was participating in on-line dating, many, many profiles mentioned the same, or nearly the same-

"My kids come first, and always will"

And these same profiles many times mentioned their intention was to marry... I saw this as I would always be, or potentially always be plan 'B', never fully vested in the relationship, especially when times perhaps got a bit rough. Not to seem crass, but in no way could I willfully marry a person who told me upfront, others come before me in marriage/I am less than. It's not about macho masculinity, loss of dominance, or fear, or emotional weakness - It's all about equality and mutual respect. To me this would be a marriage of usefulness of unequals, where I could never trust a person who told me such, always waiting for the shoe to drop. Simply my .02 perspective from a man who understands a mothers love of her children/grand kids, yet also 'gets' the spirit of what you wrote ( I have kids).
I admired my stepmother for her honesty. And my Dad for the emotional strength to handle the presence of a very large and very noisy family. They had a good marriage, although there were some end-of-life issues for my Dad. As for the friend, he should of course find the relationship that's right for him. The extent of the familial "over-involvement" is for him to judge, with this leading to more than one break-up. Regardless, the time for needed discussions is sooner not later in a relationship when (for one woman) they had purchased a home together.

Earlier in the thread, I'd mentioned deciding a potential longterm relationship would not work. A large family with his primary devotion to them was one factor. For me, the issue wasn't so much trust - his commitment would have been strong - but that it sends a message of "secondary status" that over time can erode a marriage / committed relationship. My Dad felt it. My proposed SO's first wife divorced him because of it (and those were her kids!).

So, yeah, these complications come from and impact both sexes, with living alone sometimes the wisest. Why make a commitment to someone if uncomfortable with the terms? Why even date them if they yearn for more?
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Old 09-18-2019, 02:04 PM
 
2,690 posts, read 4,594,445 times
Reputation: 2173
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmp61616 View Post
Thanks for the women's views. I have seen this as well. I have a friend that I had a short term relationship with 12 years ago. I ran into her again and tried to rekindle things. No go. She seems totally uninterested in dating and sex now, with anybody. She's 62. It is depressing, because I do want companionship. What is the point of having money to travel and nobody to go with? My attempts at volunteering to meet people have fallen flat. I wound up working and not meeting anybody. I took an exercise class, and the women all had wedding rings on. I still work, but we are constantly warned about sexual harassment to the point where I am paranoid to even ask a co-worker out for coffee. I worry that I would be hauled into human resources, since any woman can go to them and say they were made "uncomfortable" by a male co-worker. The online dating thing is a real eye opener, and the dates I have been on could be fuel for a comedy routine. So I guess I will keep trying, but it seems like an uphill road.
Can you play tennis, or are you interested in learning? In the groups I play in, there are far more single women than men.
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Old 09-18-2019, 03:34 PM
 
41 posts, read 16,274 times
Reputation: 176
Quote:
Originally Posted by N.Cal View Post
especially when I look a good 15 years younger than I am.
Problem is everyone thinks that so everyone is too old for each other.

The more familiar you are with someone the younger they look, and your most familiar with yourself.

Last edited by joepierson; 09-18-2019 at 03:42 PM..
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Old 09-18-2019, 03:50 PM
 
73,585 posts, read 73,419,195 times
Reputation: 51185
Quote:
Originally Posted by joepierson View Post
Problem is everyone thinks that so everyone is too old for each other.

The more familiar you are with someone the younger they look, and your most familiar with yourself.
i think most of us think we look younger then we actually do to strangers
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Old 09-18-2019, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Atlanta
355 posts, read 527,490 times
Reputation: 627
Quote:
Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post
i think most of us think we look younger then we actually do to strangers
Not for me. People always think I am at least 10 years younger than I am. Itís very nice to hear that from both men and women.
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Old 09-18-2019, 04:16 PM
 
73,585 posts, read 73,419,195 times
Reputation: 51185
We should have a guess my age contest ....post a CURRENT picture and we have to guess the age
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Old 09-18-2019, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,598 posts, read 46,414,339 times
Reputation: 62863
Quote:
Originally Posted by mathlete View Post
I recommend a wife from an Asian culture. Asian women still like men and don't find domestic life loathsome. They tend to age well too. My wife is fifty but could pass for late thirties. Another big plus is marriage allows you residency in Asian countries which tend to have better, cheaper healthcare systems, with better access to preventative healthcare services. Regular preventative healthcare is a major factor in maintaining good health.
Tell me about it. My first husband left me for a more cerebral type, who kicked him to the curb for cheating with an Indonesian woman. Iím slow I guess, but his job took him to asian countries, and he must have been cheating on me too. The Indonesian woman, who is very nice, was finally subservient enough to put up with his ****.
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Old 09-18-2019, 04:46 PM
 
3,417 posts, read 3,143,311 times
Reputation: 5027
Quote:
Originally Posted by joepierson
Problem is everyone thinks that so everyone is too old for each other.

The more familiar you are with someone the younger they look, and your most familiar with yourself.


Quote:
Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post
i think most of us think we look younger then we actually do to strangers



No. I am told this on a regular basis - by people I do not know. Most people with my hair and skin coloring do look younger than they actually are.
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Old 09-18-2019, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,907 posts, read 3,402,354 times
Reputation: 12733
Your outside might look good.

What about your insides??
I would rather keep my insides in good shape.

Who cares what strangers think about how I look? More important that I am OK with it.
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Old 09-18-2019, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Idaho
4,740 posts, read 4,640,909 times
Reputation: 9415
Quote:
Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post
We should have a guess my age contest ....post a CURRENT picture and we have to guess the age
I'll play. This picture was taken a week ago Sunday.
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Single older Men - where do you meet women?-img_1789a.jpg  
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