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Old 09-23-2019, 09:26 AM
 
1,253 posts, read 705,887 times
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I have some friends who still regret letting their first young loves go, particularly from college. It is a pretty powerful emotion. Some broke it off for frivolous reasons and now still berate themselves, particularly if they went through a divorce with someone else later. Sometimes that triggers those feelings of “if only . . .”
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Old 09-23-2019, 10:11 AM
 
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One of them went through a lot of suffering in life (husband alcoholic with all the mental problems that go along) and in death, also, much suffering.



Right before she died she opened her eyes and smiled, beatifically, at something she saw straight ahead of her. Not at me as I was off to the side.

So often I wonder what she saw that produced that beautiful smile but it sure was something and no, she wasn't on any strong drugs. Not even morphine.
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Old 09-23-2019, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Central NY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by christianstad View Post
One of them went through a lot of suffering in life (husband alcoholic with all the mental problems that go along) and in death, also, much suffering.



Right before she died she opened her eyes and smiled, beatifically, at something she saw straight ahead of her. Not at me as I was off to the side.

So often I wonder what she saw that produced that beautiful smile but it sure was something and no, she wasn't on any strong drugs. Not even morphine.



That is my mother's story. Lots of suffering. But the smile toward the end was very comforting to me. And obviously, of course, to her.
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Old 09-23-2019, 11:32 AM
 
Location: equator
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That's sad, OP. Thinking about lost loves.

Moments from death, my dad was still telling jokes.

When I think about former "loves", the reasons they didn't work out are still very clear today.
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Old 09-23-2019, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
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The thing that has struck me about the people I have known who were approaching their last day, was that often they have "one good day" right before the last rapid downward slide. Friends have told me the same thing about their family members. After days, weeks, or even months of suffering, they often seem to have one day of lucidity and relatively low pain, often able to communicate for the first time in a while, and then they pass quickly, often the very next day. It's almost like a gift to both the dying and their family, that one last chance to be together and express their love.
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Old 09-23-2019, 01:17 PM
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Because you were bonded to them in the ultimate way and still will be to some extent, even upon death


Totally normal
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Old 09-23-2019, 01:18 PM
Status: " ." (set 13 days ago)
 
161 posts, read 35,180 times
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Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
The thing that has struck me about the people I have known who were approaching their last day, was that often they have "one good day" right before the last rapid downward slide. Friends have told me the same thing about their family members. After days, weeks, or even months of suffering, they often seem to have one day of lucidity and relatively low pain, often able to communicate for the first time in a while, and then they pass quickly, often the very next day. It's almost like a gift to both the dying and their family, that one last chance to be together and express their love.
That was my experience doing hospice for an uncle
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Old 09-23-2019, 01:28 PM
 
Location: NE Mississippi
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My mother was about 90 and confused most of the time. She was virtually my only relative. I never had any other relatives, not even a father.
She surprised me with her ramblings. Told stories I had never heard and mentioned a name I had never heard. I asked her who he was.
"He was someone I wanted to marry". That's all I learned about him. There was no one to ask.
So, yeah. I've seen it firsthand.
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Old 09-23-2019, 01:34 PM
 
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There is nothing unusual here. When my mom passed on, she kept referring to herself by her maiden name. A name she had not used in over 60 years.



They say your life passes before your eyes when you are dying. I can't say I know that for certain, but it seems that a flood of memories would precede death along with confusion and hallucination brought on by the process of dying as well as drugs, usually, morphine.
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Old 09-23-2019, 01:46 PM
 
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Usually depends on how they parted. If it was an acrimonious split I doubt there'll be any remembrance. If it was a unilateral split like the "Dear John" scenario it's likely the jilted party will have some remembrances. I don't think the party writing the letter will, though.
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