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Old 09-23-2019, 01:47 PM
 
Location: SW US
2,272 posts, read 2,090,663 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luzianne View Post
Do you know if the person they talked about had passed on? My first thought was that maybe they saw that person. Maybe that person was there to escort her into the next life?

When my mom was dying she kept telling me about people she saw and dreamed about, people who had died, including her mother. I asked her how long that had been going on and she said, "Oh, just since I've been here" (she was in a rehab facility; as long as she was making some progress she could stay there, but she ultimately was put on hospice). She had a sharp mind up until the very end. She was never confused at all. She was not on any medication that might have caused hallucinations. And she had never been a person to say she believed in being contacted by people who had died.

Just a thought since I hadn't seen anyone else mention that possibility.

My mother did the same near the end, even though she did not have dementia. She especially told me about visits she had had with her mother, like a shopping trip the day she actually had an MRI, etc. I wonder if she will appear to me when it's my time to go.
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Old 09-23-2019, 09:28 PM
 
13,124 posts, read 15,608,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by christianstad View Post
One of them went through a lot of suffering in life (husband alcoholic with all the mental problems that go along) and in death, also, much suffering.



Right before she died she opened her eyes and smiled, beatifically, at something she saw straight ahead of her. Not at me as I was off to the side.

So often I wonder what she saw that produced that beautiful smile but it sure was something and no, she wasn't on any strong drugs. Not even morphine.
Exactly the description of what happened when my husbandís foster mother. She had been unresponsive for a day or so, but just before she died she opened her eyes, looked up with her eyes fixed on something, with a huge smile, and then died.
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Old 09-23-2019, 09:42 PM
 
188 posts, read 99,890 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
Itís probably their youth that they missed.
This was my first thought...not that they missed their ex loves so much but their lost youth.
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Old Yesterday, 03:22 AM
 
6,619 posts, read 3,087,635 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Windwalker2 View Post
My mother did the same near the end, even though she did not have dementia. She especially told me about visits she had had with her mother, like a shopping trip the day she actually had an MRI, etc. I wonder if she will appear to me when it's my time to go.
I wonder that myself. As that has been a theme in my family when members are on their last Hooray! to say all the things necessary to part this earth. My Mom who refused til her last breath to talk with me...( she was sooo angry with my decisions in her care ...)

did speak with her grandkids . I at least felt comfort that she so lovingly and cheerfully expressed herself to them. It was a fleeting moment though....maybe an hour at best where she was lucid. But not a word to me directly. That would be the first crack in my heart that would forever split in two.....

I recall her sitting straight up in bed in the middle of the night....(and trust me she had no energy to do that!!!) yet she did! and yelled...."Mom! Mom! Is that you? Are you here for me???". I shed a tear in that moment because I knew then that she honestly was longing for her mom...and being on the other side. (where ever that 'side' is). So I ponder some times...Will she appear to me when its my time? I sincerely have reflected on my life and those whom I've loved....yet I say this with little doubt.....I've no one that actually loved me...genuinely or unconditionally.....except my MOM. Even my sons carry conditions in whether I am lovable in their eyes /hearts. Ive been blessed with being in love with three gents thru out my time...yet each one basically ...years down the road let it be known they loved me not. How sad ...just sad that I thought I was lovable....( Not a poor me moment...more of a dern that is just sad.)
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Old Yesterday, 04:16 AM
 
Location: R.I.
1,060 posts, read 647,176 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Windwalker2 View Post
My mother did the same near the end, even though she did not have dementia. She especially told me about visits she had had with her mother, like a shopping trip the day she actually had an MRI, etc. I wonder if she will appear to me when it's my time to go.

My late mother was quite ill towards the last month of her life and more confused than not. She was in a rehab facility near my place of work and I would spend a few hours with her on my way home from work every night. Several days before she died on my usual after work visits I found her incredibly coherent and speaking with me about subjects we had talked about several years back without missing a beat. Just before I was ready to leave my mother said to me "does my mother ever ask for me ?" My grandmother had died 27 years prior, and she an my mother had of sort of a love hate relationship, and my mother rarely talked about her after she died so this came as a shock to me. I chose to not tell my mother that her mother passed long ago and just responded back that gram asks for her often and she smiled after hearing that. That was the last conversation I had with my mother because the following day her sepsis progressed and we decided to transfer her to an inpatient hospice facility where she passed peacefully two days later.
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Old Yesterday, 05:53 AM
 
Location: Bakersfield, Ca
1,874 posts, read 1,405,334 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by christianstad View Post
I've been there when two of my elderly relatives died - both women.

These are the only two deathbed scenarios I've ever attended and both of them talked about little else than the men they were truly in love with in their youth but it didn't work out for one reason or another.


Both were into their 80's, seemingly happily married, both having had 4 children.


I was just wondering if this is a common occurance. The one who got away.

Did they often think of him through out their lives or did what "might have been" just hit them like a lead balloon in their final hours.


Thanks for offering your comments.
I will probably be one of those ladies myself . I have great sadness and regret about that . I will be 57 on Sunday . Has NOTHING to do with any missed youth at all as I lost mine suddenly due to death almost 2 years ago and I have such horrible guilt an sadness that I am not sure I will even live to my 80's .
We never lived under the same roof for a few reasons or even in the same town and I have such terrible regrets about this . He thought he would live forever , he had alot of issues and time just ran out .

I loved the 70's no doubt , but I miss that man more than anything I have ever missed in this life so far .
I hope he is the first person I see if I see anyone .

My 90 yr old grandmother saw/ talked about my grandfather the night before she died. He'd been dead 11 years . They met when they were 8 so I have no doubt he was there . They were crazy about each other .

Last edited by DutchessCottonPuff; Yesterday at 06:20 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 07:18 AM
 
1,253 posts, read 705,887 times
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My friend’s mother had dementia for many years, not knowing names nor recognizing loved ones.

Several minutes before she died, she opened her eyes for the first time in days and brightly called out the names of her deceased husband and one son, looking towards the door.

She died shortly after and her family just sat in shock as that son was also deceased, but she had never been told. The hospice nurse took my stunned friend’s hand and told her this happened quite often but they could not explain it.
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Old Yesterday, 07:47 AM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
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Lets face it, a lot of people "settle" when they get married. I suppose there are some of those people that still long for a lost love that they really wanted but got away.
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Old Yesterday, 07:56 AM
 
8,045 posts, read 4,569,332 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by christianstad View Post
I've been there when two of my elderly relatives died - both women.

These are the only two deathbed scenarios I've ever attended and both of them talked about little else than the men they were truly in love with in their youth but it didn't work out for one reason or another.


Both were into their 80's, seemingly happily married, both having had 4 children.


I was just wondering if this is a common occurance. The one who got away.

Did they often think of him through out their lives or did what "might have been" just hit them like a lead balloon in their final hours.


Thanks for offering your comments.
I believe -- in fact, I know (although some of you may not believe) -- that "visitors" come to accompany those who are passing from this life to the next, and in my mother's case, it was her lost love. Opening eyes wide (although she was blind, she was seeing), "I didn't know YOU were here! You're the only man I ever loved!" She had been conversing with departed relatives all day, so I asked, "Is it Dad?" "No," she replied, to my surprise. "It's (his name)." I wrote it down, even asking her to spell it. Turns out he had passed away just months before without her knowledge. At least in this case, it was a reunion and not just regret.

Maybe in heaven, you get the love you were meant to have on earth.
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Old Yesterday, 08:08 AM
 
13,467 posts, read 25,881,878 times
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I think, of the generation that people are describing, there were many instances of people not being allowed or able to marry the person they might have loved- family pressure, religious differences, whatever. It might be hard for some of us to think that it might have been that way, but it was a time where these things mattered (or, in some U.S. states, the marriage simply wasn't legal, like an interracial marriage before 1965). Family/societal pressure certainly meant more back in the day, and then there were the cultural groups that had/have arranged marriage.

I've attended many deaths in my hospice job and dementia service work. I can't say I ever saw or heard any such things, but maybe it's because I wasn't family or the nature of the illness precluded that kind of ending.
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