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Old Yesterday, 08:19 AM
 
1,153 posts, read 313,730 times
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Not deathbed reminiscing but another perspective of lost love. I had a brief boyfriend/girlfriend relationship as a teenager for less than a year. It was the first relationship for both of us. I broke up with him with no hard feelings. About twenty-five years later (both married) he told my mother I was the love of his life. I was shocked as I hadn't thought about him in over twenty years. So it could also be a reflection of romanticizing a relationship that occurred a special moment in time.
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Old Yesterday, 08:36 AM
 
Location: NE Mississippi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
Not deathbed reminiscing but another perspective of lost love. I had a brief boyfriend/girlfriend relationship as a teenager for less than a year. It was the first relationship for both of us. I broke up with him with no hard feelings. About twenty-five years later (both married) he told my mother I was the love of his life. I was shocked as I hadn't thought about him in over twenty years. So it could also be a reflection of romanticizing a relationship that occurred a special moment in time.
Oh, Jeez! I hope your mother didn't tell him that.
Sounds like he was going a little middle age crazy.


I got dumped horribly and rudely long ago when I was 22. In my mid 40's I may have been able to convince myself that she was the love of my life.
I know better now. Fortunately, I was able to put things in perspective. But it took a long, long time, at least for me.
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Old Yesterday, 11:08 AM
 
503 posts, read 998,523 times
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Not just yet on my death bed, but if I were, I may lament...



... And just a few years later I married another, who did not deserve me for those 25 years. I have looked up the gal shown with me, and am very happy to see her married with a wonderful, happy looking family and just as beautiful as ever... She looked to me like Kelly McGillis from her Top Gun days, at least I thought so during our time in the middle 80's.

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Old Yesterday, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
18,200 posts, read 54,998,102 times
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Day and hour of death experiences are unique and not to be dismissed. There are far too many odd stories that have similar themes for them to be chance or easily explained.

The OP was asking not as much about those as the reflections of the preceding days. Ruminations prior to that final day may be attempts at summing and evaluating the life that was.

First loves, loves that never came to full fruition, and failed relationships can all have an element of anima or animus. Those terms are used to describe and define an individual's ideal of a perfect mate, which is held within the mind, often as a fantasy figure. That image can then be projected onto another person, resulting in the individual falling deeply in love with that projected image instead of seeing the person as a complete individual. They also are part of what goes on when one person in a couple says "You are not the person I thought you were." Anima/animus are some of the most powerful psychological imagery people can have, as they represent a completion of the individual themself.

Sometimes an anima or animus projection is so strong that it becomes forever linked to the individual it has been projected upon, especially if that individual exits a relationship or friendship before any of the faults or differences from that projection are seen. Johnny Jones, who was only seen for a few weeks in high school may always be that perfect man to the 90 year old classmate - because he represents the perfect man within the brain of his admirer. The stories of "captured" anima and the pain and anguish resulting from that are the sources of many ballads and love songs.

Evaluating one's life and becoming whole involves reclaiming one's projections and owning them. Some people do it in the course of life, some through therapy or other insight, some only get to it as they approach death. Some never get there.

Absolutely, not all reminiscing is work on psychological process. Lost loves can be paths not taken, love thwarted for whatever reason, and have little to do with anima or animus. It simply that in some puzzling cases where nothing else seems to make sense, those projections may hold part of an answer.
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Old Yesterday, 11:17 AM
 
13,467 posts, read 25,881,878 times
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I think people (well, me) might well be remembering who they thought themselves to be in a certain relationship, who they felt like they were being seen by that person- not seeing oneself as as a flawed complete person but an idealized idea of self.

I found the pervious post very helpful and interesting, thank you.
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Old Yesterday, 11:31 AM
 
1,153 posts, read 313,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by harry chickpea View Post
Day and hour of death experiences are unique and not to be dismissed. There are far too many odd stories that have similar themes for them to be chance or easily explained.

The OP was asking not as much about those as the reflections of the preceding days. Ruminations prior to that final day may be attempts at summing and evaluating the life that was.

First loves, loves that never came to full fruition, and failed relationships can all have an element of anima or animus. Those terms are used to describe and define an individual's ideal of a perfect mate, which is held within the mind, often as a fantasy figure. That image can then be projected onto another person, resulting in the individual falling deeply in love with that projected image instead of seeing the person as a complete individual. They also are part of what goes on when one person in a couple says "You are not the person I thought you were." Anima/animus are some of the most powerful psychological imagery people can have, as they represent a completion of the individual themself.

Sometimes an anima or animus projection is so strong that it becomes forever linked to the individual it has been projected upon, especially if that individual exits a relationship or friendship before any of the faults or differences from that projection are seen. Johnny Jones, who was only seen for a few weeks in high school may always be that perfect man to the 90 year old classmate - because he represents the perfect man within the brain of his admirer. The stories of "captured" anima and the pain and anguish resulting from that are the sources of many ballads and love songs.

Evaluating one's life and becoming whole involves reclaiming one's projections and owning them. Some people do it in the course of life, some through therapy or other insight, some only get to it as they approach death. Some never get there.

Absolutely, not all reminiscing is work on psychological process. Lost loves can be paths not taken, love thwarted for whatever reason, and have little to do with anima or animus. It simply that in some puzzling cases where nothing else seems to make sense, those projections may hold part of an answer.
That explains a lot. Thanks.
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Old Today, 05:54 AM
 
Location: Podunk, IA
4,524 posts, read 2,024,387 times
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They may have "gotten away", but it was decades ago.
You are remembering a much younger version of the person that really no longer exists except in your mind.
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Old Today, 08:22 AM
 
106 posts, read 66,444 times
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My first love was at a time in my life that I was extremely low in self confidence and had no apparent direction or goals in my life.

This particular girl came into my life and made me feel thing I never even knew existed. She was everything I thought I ever wanted in a girl and we dated for almost two years.. it was bliss.

Well that how I remember it....

In reality, after a year (I found out later)...she ended up cheating on me several times and finally crushed my heart when she found a guy she thought she wanted to be with more. After we broke up, she continued to toy with me for a few years by calling me up after one of her boyfriends broke up with her... it was hell.

I will tell my children that when I am on my death bed and start talking about her.. just to kick me between the legs a few times and that should remind me of what it really felt like... should set me straight.
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Old Today, 09:13 AM
 
5,466 posts, read 3,554,328 times
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Aren't many or most or all of these episodes of death bed happenings the same as having vivid dreams which seem real while one is asleep, but upon waking one knows it was a dream, not real life?

On another topic, can't say that I think many people were prevented in the U.S. from marrying or being with who they wished to be due to family pressure - except some interracial marriages and just a few due to religious difference.

It can be natural to miss the depth of feeling and what one felt was a depth of love with a past lover or significant other.
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Old Today, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Rust'n in Tustin
2,471 posts, read 2,546,181 times
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I think of and miss my first true love, everyday of my life...

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