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Old Yesterday, 02:06 PM
192 posts, read 141,673 times
Reputation: 534


I've been there when two of my elderly relatives died - both women.

These are the only two deathbed scenarios I've ever attended and both of them talked about little else than the men they were truly in love with in their youth but it didn't work out for one reason or another.

Both were into their 80's, seemingly happily married, both having had 4 children.

I was just wondering if this is a common occurance. The one who got away.

Did they often think of him through out their lives or did what "might have been" just hit them like a lead balloon in their final hours.

Thanks for offering your comments.
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Old Yesterday, 02:28 PM
Location: Florida
5,544 posts, read 3,191,840 times
Reputation: 10052
My wife is 84, but she never talks about those she knew in her youth.
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Old Yesterday, 03:03 PM
Location: SoCal
14,181 posts, read 6,802,424 times
Reputation: 10900
It’s probably their youth that they missed.
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Old Yesterday, 03:46 PM
672 posts, read 370,043 times
Reputation: 2516
It may not be all that uncommon for people to feel regret or remorse for an opportunity missed to be with someone they consider the love of their life. Life has a funny way of putting up obstacles that cannot be overcome, painful choices of priority.

Maybe it's a childhood sweetheart left in the past, or that gem that you dated and let get away in college, before you learned what was really important in choosing a mate. Affairs of the heart that end when one person decides to stay with their spouse because of the children, when they really would rather be with another. Then perhaps they lament that loss for the rest of their lives. Hard choices are made and life goes on.

Love is complicated and often doesn't work out how we want, despite all our good intentions and choices made for the wrong reasons that seemed right at the time. How could there NOT be people like the OP's two examples? Everything under the sun can and does happen in our lives. We learn to live with our choices and make the best of them, no matter how they turn out.

But still... there may be that one that got away, never forgotten. And maybe this person will be their last thought. I think it happens more often than we think.
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Old Yesterday, 03:56 PM
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
8,429 posts, read 5,175,323 times
Reputation: 31028
I think they want a do-over with the other guy.

Who wouldn’t?
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Old Yesterday, 04:32 PM
Location: In the land beyond Ohare!
1,007 posts, read 547,853 times
Reputation: 2226
If on their deathbed along with possibly on drugs, the mind can do strange things. Delusions, dropped inhibitions and other things are common. Anything heard or seen at these times are best forgotten. Let it go and let them pass in peace.
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Old Yesterday, 09:45 PM
1,799 posts, read 2,483,549 times
Reputation: 5249
That is so sad ! I sometimes sit around and think of great loves: since I've been single most of my life with only a couple of dead, ex-husbands. The great loves were mostly losers and I would never have married them anyway, so why sit around mourning them? Sometimes I think about the ridiculous statement: "Better to have loved and lost, than never have loved at all."

That is so horribly lame! I'd rather never have known such a thing, to then have to sit around being all sad about it. Gads !

Hopefully, on my deathbed, providing I'm not shot and killed, living here by the southern NM border, I can contemplate my great happy times, thinking about my dogs, horses, dance partners and fun/outrageous/can't mention it times.

Who knows how the fading mind works.
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Old Yesterday, 10:01 PM
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Do you know if the person they talked about had passed on? My first thought was that maybe they saw that person. Maybe that person was there to escort her into the next life?

When my mom was dying she kept telling me about people she saw and dreamed about, people who had died, including her mother. I asked her how long that had been going on and she said, "Oh, just since I've been here" (she was in a rehab facility; as long as she was making some progress she could stay there, but she ultimately was put on hospice). She had a sharp mind up until the very end. She was never confused at all. She was not on any medication that might have caused hallucinations. And she had never been a person to say she believed in being contacted by people who had died.

Just a thought since I hadn't seen anyone else mention that possibility.
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Old Yesterday, 10:13 PM
Location: Rust'n in Tustin
2,470 posts, read 2,543,529 times
Reputation: 4827
Rosebud ?
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Old Yesterday, 10:18 PM
Location: Cebu, Philippines
4,955 posts, read 1,916,734 times
Reputation: 9084
I can only see into the crannies of my own mind. As a man in his 80s, I can't see myself feeling that way about any of my past loves.
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