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Old 09-24-2019, 02:21 PM
 
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Some will evaluate one's life upon retirement and find mistakes made, deficiencies one had, lack of certain things found in one's life (particularly lack of certain emotional satisfactions), feeling it is too late for certain actions, inabilities, lack of certain possibilities due to age.

Perhaps this might not happen during retirement at first, but later in retirement as one reaches more advanced ages. For others, they find no deficiencies in the life they've lived - which is a great thing!
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Old 09-24-2019, 02:37 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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I think it's a normal part of life trajectory to become more reflective in old age. It's part of summing everything up and coming to terms with one's mortality (at least for those who are on the more conscious side, which I think is a fairly small percentage - most people - the "TV people" as I call them, are rather one-dimensional and seemingly don't think about much beyond what's for dinner or other mundane details of life).
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Old 09-24-2019, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
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As I am happy in life, I refuse to look back but I do accept it took the good, the bad, and the ugly to get me where I am.

If someone often dwells on the past, they should get some professional help.
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Old 09-24-2019, 02:52 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
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I haven't had this experience. I realized many years ago that my parents did the best they knew how in raising me and my brother. There was no real trauma, just a strictness that I didn't see in my friends' families. But my brother still focuses on how he got blamed for something I did (once), and another time got blamed for something that wasn't his or my fault. He is still stuck in the past at age 74. Our parents are long gone... 18 years and 14 years.
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Old 09-24-2019, 03:03 PM
Status: "Move along." (set 8 days ago)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I think it's a normal part of life trajectory to become more reflective in old age. It's part of summing everything up and coming to terms with one's mortality (at least for those who are on the more conscious side, which I think is a fairly small percentage - most people - the "TV people" as I call them, are rather one-dimensional and seemingly don't think about much beyond what's for dinner or other mundane details of life).
LOL. Never heard the term TV people, but I get what you're saying. Our society is more outer focused for the most part. However, as people age, w/ more time, looking inward might happen more. It could be overwhelming unless they've done some of it earlier on.
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Old 09-24-2019, 03:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
...But my brother still focuses on how he got blamed for something I did (once), and another time got blamed for something that wasn't his or my fault. He is still stuck in the past at age 74. Our parents are long gone... 18 years and 14 years.
I am estranged by my choice from my sister, who is 69 to my 66, since 2012, when our father died. (mother died in 2005 or so, very close aunt recently). My sister continually blamed those three for supposedly favoring me in every way and never wished me well, was clearly pleased when my hair thinned, or I gained weight, resented that I earned more money than she ever thought of making herself, blah blah. I even pointed out to her that everyone she is mad at besides me IS DEAD and for her, it might as well be 1966 or something. Ridiculous.

I don't miss her. When I was writing her out of my will, my lawyer asked gently, "Did you have a falling out?"and I said, "We never had a falling in."
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Old 09-24-2019, 08:43 PM
 
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Both of my brothers are now in retirement, and I learned this week that neither one has accepted the reality of their coming end. The older brother is an atheist and for many years insisted that death has no meaning for him. Lung cancer entered his life at age 68 and he has suffered the past two years in a treatment regime that leaves him barely able to move most of the time. Last week the doctors told him that further treatments are not warranted, and he should plan for hospice. He and I talked about this decision and he finally admitted to me that he now fears death.

My younger brother is mentally ill with OCD and has multiple chronic health issues that doctors told him will end his life in a few years at best. He claims to be a Christian, yet he lives a brutish, vulgar existence of excess and dissipation. I asked him to write a simple letter to our older brother in the hopes that it might end their 20-year estrangement and they both might connect again before death. His answer was to refuse to consider the letter because “we all can get together in a year or two” after he “regains his health”.

I don’t see how people can reach their mid-60s without coming to terms with their mortality. Is the power of self delusion that strong?
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Old 09-24-2019, 08:49 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
57,616 posts, read 55,811,936 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I think it's a normal part of life trajectory to become more reflective in old age. It's part of summing everything up and coming to terms with one's mortality (at least for those who are on the more conscious side, which I think is a fairly small percentage - most people - the "TV people" as I call them, are rather one-dimensional and seemingly don't think about much beyond what's for dinner or other mundane details of life).
^ This is how my thoughts were going after reading the OP. As life winds down, we look back, reflect, summarize, resolve if possible, and if we're lucky, dump the garbage we can't do anything about.

Good thread topic, brightdoglover.
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Old 09-24-2019, 08:49 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
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Maybe they just have more free time to dwell on the issues and repressed "X" for years.

I can't imagine those issues just randomly bubbling up decades ex post facto.
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Old 09-24-2019, 08:59 PM
 
Location: Southeast Michigan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Maybe they just have more free time to dwell on the issues and repressed "X" for years.

I can't imagine those issues just randomly bubbling up decades ex post facto.



People don't necessarily dwell on their issues after retirement. The issues (and reasons behind them) can hopefully be seen more clearly as one matures. It can be a gradual thing, and can bring them peace.
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