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No, I don't mean the things that have been discussed at length, about work identity, aimlessness in retirement, etc.
I'm talking about how I seem to be talking to a number of people from different walks of my life about how issues of childhood trauma/abuse/early parental loss seem to be coming up for them, when they thought they had it all taken care of and firmly in place, or other trauma early in life that has a reverberating effect. Only now has there been enough time passed to more or less safely process things.
I imagine the coping mechanisms and methods of living through such things continue to propel the person through their adult and working life, and maybe are like tendrils anchoring the person to a platform from which to proceed.
Then there's retirement, with the disruptions that we know about, and some people move to a new area (like where I am now) and the tendrils are yanked up when someone isn't even aware of their existence and utility. Memories are re-examined or come up in new ways. There is no longer a need to put a straitjacket on issues in order to function at work and maybe in relationship. Cracks in the facade and tendrils grow and must be attended to. It's a disconcerting process.
Maybe I just know a lot of people who have severe trauma in their early histories. Or there are a lot of said people and they are somewhat comfortable talking to me because of my professional background. (At first, I wondered, what is it, is it my face or something?) I now feel after being retired for a year and a half and settle in my new life that I have the stamina to listen and maybe be helpful.
It’s interesting that now that I’m retired I am examining my past in perspective. It’s almost like the work years were an interlude and now I can re-examine the time (youth) before my career launched.
But I’m also actively evaluating my working years, realizing I had no idea of the societal, political, and economic forces behind the scenes. Many fascinating books are written.
So even without trauma it’s a time to review, to try to figure it all out.
Retirement is a major stress even when it seems to be going well. That stress can trigger depression and other "psychological" issues.
You seem to be asking how you can help others who whose psychological issues are triggered by retirement. The fact that you are asking should be an answer in itself. Trying to be a mental health provider goes beyond friendship. Recommending help may be more important that trying to provide it.
Retirement is a major stress even when it seems to be going well. That stress can trigger depression and other "psychological" issues.
You seem to be asking how you can help others who whose psychological issues are triggered by retirement. The fact that you are asking should be an answer in itself. Trying to be a mental health provider goes beyond friendship. Recommending help may be more important that trying to provide it.
Actually not asking. I did wonder if anyone else had this experience besides the few friends I refer to.
There is basically no help available around here or even nearby. I have recommended a book by a trauma expert with the caveat that it is pretty heavy sledding to read it "The Body Keeps the Score."
I have certainly wondered about this. A person's upbringing has A LOT to do with how successful they are in a workplace. If you grow up in a safe home, go to a good school, have a nice neighborhood - all those things help you in relating to co-workers and dealing with workplace issues. Retirement can be a time to put one's working life in perspective. I can't wait to "close the door" on working. I am sure there will be stress in retirement, but one thing that will not be there is the need or desire for another job. And the Who put it best - "meet the new boss, same as the old boss". I don't want any more bosses.
I have certainly wondered about this. A person's upbringing has A LOT to do with how successful they are in a workplace.
That's one facet of it and an important one. But there's also more than that.
As BDL said,
Quote:
I seem to be talking to a number of people from different walks of my life about how issues of childhood trauma/abuse/early parental loss seem to be coming up for them, when they thought they had it all taken care of and firmly in place, or other trauma early in life that has a reverberating effect.
"Reverberating effect" is aptly put. I can't think of a better phrase.
Even though I am not fully retired -- I'm working while I read C-D, even -- the emotional abuse of my childhood keeps coming up in ways I have not anticipated.
Now that I'm retired, I am able to see the difficult and traumatizing events of childhood from a a different, and more productive perspective. I can better understand the precipitating events, and that makes it less painful.
Now that I'm retired, I am able to see the difficult and traumatizing events of childhood from a a different, and more productive perspective. I can better understand the precipitating events, and that makes it less painful.
Yep. It took me forty years to understand that what happened wasn't my fault.
My monkey mind has less distractions now without work, so it runs amok with negative past issues, instead of replaying wonderful vacations, SIGH. Why IS that.
Actually, if I had to guess, probably because these issues were never resolved?
I know I don't dwell on negative stuff that WAS resolved.
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