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I am mostly content, but there are things missing in my life, that would make my life much happier:
1) Friends. I am a picky, judge-y introvert, so I don't know if there is a solution. I am watching House Hunters International and am amazed that some people, within months, invite stranger over to their homes for parties. This is so foreign to me - but some people do it! I don't know how - exactly what they do - I imagine they hang out at bars and meet people? Have no idea.
2) Friends. Today there was an art and wine festival in my town, but I didn't go, because I didn't want to go alone. If I had a friend, then I would love to go. Not having friends is limiting my experiences. There are so many things I would like to do with friends.
3) Family. There is nothing I can do about this. Don't have a very supportive or present family. I just have to accept that it "is what it is."
Are your needs being met and if so, what can be done to meet them?
I refuse to "give up" yet - I realize I may just have to accept that things are not exactly the way I would like, but I hold out hope for miracles.
I'm actually in about the same place. But I am not sure having a bunch of other people wanting my time and attention would make me all that happy. Just remember for every friend you can go to a function, event, or museum with there's somebody who will be calling you up wanting to drag you to something and you just don't want to go to, but you have to stoke the relationship.
Seems either way the best you can do is break even. Let's face it. We're picky judgey introverts for a reason.
As far as family goes, George Burns once said: "Happiness is having a large, warm, loving family..... in another city"
If my family situation had been like Everybody Loves Raymond or even The Brady Bunch, I'd have joined the French Foreign Legion
Last edited by fallstaff; 09-08-2018 at 08:06 PM..
I guess of all of the issues people can have, and all of the "needs" that humans have, I am very lucky.
I am healthy.
I am content.
I have lots of interests.
I can amuse myself.
There is just the one piece missing: Friends - and I am not talking about acquaintances - I have plenty of those - and I also have friends that live far away. I am talking about a special friend - someone who is local - who has similar values and interests - someone to hang out with and do things with.
I am missing out on getting decent sleep. The only thing that can be done about it is for my many four legged companions to cross that bridge. But until they do, I will keep on waking up early in the morning to take them out. Getting woken up in the middle of the night by a barking pup etc.
I am missing out on getting decent sleep. The only thing that can be done about it is for my many four legged companions to cross that bridge. But until they do, I will keep on waking up early in the morning to take them out. Getting woken up in the middle of the night by a barking pup etc.
Calgon take me away.....
I also get up with a pet in the middle of the night, but it does not disturb my sleep. I won't let it.
I have lots of natural sleep remedies for anyone who is interested.
I sleep like a baby (and not "waking up screaming every two hours" as the old joke goes).
I am mostly content, but there are things missing in my life, that would make my life much happier:
1) Friends. I am a picky, judge-y introvert, so I don't know if there is a solution
2) Friends. Today there was an art and wine festival in my town, but I didn't go, because I didn't want to go alone. If I had a friend, then I would love to go. Not having friends is limiting my experiences. There are so many things I would like to do with friends.
3
I refuse to "give up" yet - I realize I may just have to accept that things are not exactly the way I would like, but I hold out hope for miracles.
You do realize your Friend Issue is an easy, with some work, fix. Your solution is to stop being picky and judge-y as you put it. Stop it! Let people into your life.
As to your original question, my life is ok despite mistakes made over the years.
I have the same issue about having a close friend. I don't have one now. But, I have found a social outlet that has really added happiness to my life. I now volunteer at a library where they have an ESL conversation club. I show up and talk with people who want to improve their English. Because of where I am, they are mostly the wives of techies who are immigrants who got jobs working in IT jobs in Silicon Valley. They are fascinating women, most of them highly educated who had great careers in their home countries, but can't work here.
They miss their families and their mothers, and so they welcome me into their group very naturally. Some of us go to lunch or have a picnic after the ESL club, and that has grown to other get-togethers where I've been invited. Tomorrow, in fact, one of them has organized a wine tasting event, and they have invited me to go along - even though they are all in their 30's or so, and I'm over 60. They treat me like the mother or aunt they miss back home. It's really lovely. And, since they are from different countries, and most can only communicate with English, which they can struggle with, it's also convenient for them to have me there to help them communicate in English with each other, or to just help answer questions they have regarding English while they're talking.
And they ask my advice and help with writing letters or problems with their landlords - all of the things I miss about my daughter, who won't talk to me.
I tried scores of volunteer opportunities and none of them worked for me. And ironically, I haven't made a good friend or even social acquaintance to do things with at this same ESL club - with the other volunteers my own age. So, you just don't know how things will work out.
I just kept trying another volunteer opportunity after another, taking months or even a year off in-between because it was depressing to keep trying and not fit into the group, or discover someone you thought would turn into a friend just wasn't going to work out easily. There's a woman who wants to be friends, but she's never available, and then gets miffed at me when I'm not available and scolds me (in voice-mails) for not responding quickly enough - in other words, not someone I want to deal with anymore. If a friendship feels like too much work, or I don't feel good when I deal with that person - they're critical or I feel like I'm always supposed to apologize, etc., they're not worth keeping in my life.
As they say, it's better to have no company than bad company.
And I don't expect to have another really close friend again in my lifetime. I just don't think that's in the cards for me. But, I can still get a lot of joy in helping these young people who need help with their English and to learn how to navigate legal problems with their landlords, and who miss having a mother figure around. I feel really blessed that I've found this opportunity to help and to actually be treated with love by these lovely, fascinating young people. They make me feel alive :-)
And then, I can really enjoy my quiet time at home with my dog. Because, I'm still basically a loner at heart. But, now I can be alone and much happier knowing I am part of this nice group. I really feel blessed.
So, maybe something like this could work for you, OP. Maybe stop trying to find a friend your age, and become a volunteer with younger people, where you could become a pseudo mom or grandma. It's a different kind of experience, but really rewarding. And another wonderful upside to hanging out with younger people - they don't talk constantly about their health problems, etc. They have plans for the future and talk about traveling and starting businesses, etc. It's so much more fun to talk to these people than so many people my age, who just seem to complain about their health or whatever all the time.
I used to think a lot about what I thought was missing from my life. But thinking about it only made it worse.
It was not easy to do, but I have finally been able to accept and even like my life as it is.
If some of the missing things happened in my life, then I may have another problem. I didn't always understand that what I thought was missing was actually not good for me.
I have a lot of peace in my life right now. I like it that way.
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