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The friends that are closest today are member of my first work crew going back to 1972-75. I could appear destitute on their doorstep and they would take me in and I would do the same for them. This is true even though we now live 1000+ miles apart. We had something of a "bunker mentality" at the time and that brought about very close friendships. I suppose some combat soldiers may have a similar bond. Since that time I have made other friendships -- at the Christmas Card level. I moved to a different state six years ago and once again have some very close friends - but not "old" friendships, but they feel that way. These are my retirement friends. I think friendships from different stages in our lives might carry different weights and different bonding levels. I had many work friends from my career but I didn't really carry them into retirement or following years (I was a manager/administrator so that might have limited some friendly bonding).
This is what happens when you move. Which is why before you do a move you think about this.
Because while you can meet new people, when you're older you're not going to form the same type of bonds that you had with your friends at home.
We did indeed think long and hard about it. But our friends are all just as mobile as we are - of the six we went back to visit only two are in the same city they were in eight years ago when we moved. That is why we went on a long road trip - we have all scattered into the wind.
When DW and I moved from the city we lived in for 30+ years we told ourselves that we are not relocating, we are going on an adventure. And it has been just that. We have talked about doing another move, er adventure, in a few years.
In the past 10 years we've lost our really close friends, all from illness. Just in the last few years 2 died of cancer, one was an aneurysm and one had a heart attack. Neither of us had a big family growing up and really have nobody left except a few distant cousins. We have some friends in our retirement community but they don't compare to the friendships we once had, they were people we grew up with, true friendships.
I graduated from HS in 1971 and have traveled the world in the Air Force. On sleepless nites, I track down old HS friends.
Here's what I find:
1. They're dead. Their wife and kids have no idea who I am.
2. They're still sitting on the same bar stool we sat on in 1971. I've moved on. They haven't.
3. They want to talk politics. We are usually of very different political flavors and we never talk again.
4. They want a free vacation to San Diego. I used to do this. They pay airfare and we pay for everything else. When they get back home, they tell everyone how much of an a*hole I am these days. If I am an a*hole, they should tell me first before they run to my family.
5. They want to meet in Las Vegas. We've done it. When they lose their shirts, they want me to loan them some money to get back home. I'm not a bank. So now I'm an a*hole.
6. They want to go on an international trip to somewhere I know. I don't leave the USA anymore. I can see Mexico from my backyard but I don't even go to Mexico.
7. They are financially broke or have major medical bills. I'm not a bank. So now I'm an a*hole.
I had a car in HS (paid for with paper route profits) so everyone was my friend. I knew my entire graduating class by first name. So now I just find them on Facebook, LinkedIn, local newspapers, whitepages, obits etc and then just follow them or their family vicariously. If they're dead, I just add a few comments to their online obit or make a small donation to their favorite charity.
Life has been good to me because I worked my ass off. I'm a big donor locally but my high school class is for watching only.
Both DH and I have lifelong friends that we keep in contact with. Sometimes by FB, text, email, or phone, as well as visits. We have local friends we see here, but we've only lived here 6 years so they are newer friends.
My DH talks to his friends, whom he has known since the 5th grade, on the phone at least twice a month. He is godfather to one of their kids. These are hour long calls in which they catch up, and gossip, and sometimes reminisce about old friends and good times. The friends don't travel, so DH probably won't ever see them in person again, but they are permanent fixtures in our lives and will always be his friends. He also has work friends that he's known for decades that all live in other states. Some he phones, some he emails. One even lives in Australia and we only hear from him once a year or so, but he always responds, and it's good to know how they are doing.
I have lifelong friends whom I only contact through FB, as well as some that I visit in person, and everything in between. I enjoy being FB friends with my family and friends because I get frequent updates on everything from vacation pics to photos of their dogs, their grandkids, or just their thoughts on what kind of day they're having. Some post pictures of progress they've made on projects, or talk about their business ventures. Some post daily, some weekly, some only for big events like a wedding or graduation. It's just a quick easy way to keep yourself involved in someone else's day to day. I will be visiting my CA friends next week, as well as spending time with my family, so it will be great to see my old friends. Next year a few of them will be traveling to visit me and we will spend a few days together here.
People lose friends by not keeping up the contacts, it's on them as much as it is on you to keep in touch. Sometimes writing letters or emails is enough, for others it's long phone convos, for others it's shared experiences like travel or activities done together. Friendships find their own level.
Both DH and I have lifelong friends that we keep in contact with. Sometimes by FB, text, email, or phone, as well as visits. We have local friends we see here, but we've only lived here 6 years so they are newer friends.
My DH talks to his friends, whom he has known since the 5th grade, on the phone at least twice a month. He is godfather to one of their kids. These are hour long calls in which they catch up, and gossip, and sometimes reminisce about old friends and good times. The friends don't travel, so DH probably won't ever see them in person again, but they are permanent fixtures in our lives and will always be his friends. He also has work friends that he's known for decades that all live in other states. Some he phones, some he emails. One even lives in Australia and we only hear from him once a year or so, but he always responds, and it's good to know how they are doing.
Thomas Jefferson and John Adams were a famous example of this kind of friendship, albeit without the help of the phone.
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