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Old 10-30-2008, 05:41 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,090 posts, read 45,594,679 times
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....would you feel disloyal if you found a friend of the opposite sex to keep company with?
An old friend called me tonight because he was wondering what I thought of him seeing another woman (strictly platonic). He is in his early 70's and his wife is a stroke victim being cared for in a nursing facility. He visits her twice a day and sees that she is well taken care of.

I told him he should do what makes him happy and if I was his wife (who is a close friend of mine) I would want him to be happy and have other friends.
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Old 10-31-2008, 04:07 AM
 
3,750 posts, read 9,599,239 times
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I think that was a sensitive reply. Loneliness can cause medical problems of its own and a friend of whatever sex is important for mental health.

Why would we deny an elder a relationship especially if they were taking such good care of their spouse?
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Old 10-31-2008, 05:12 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
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I wonder if his wife who is in a nursing home, can still talk and visit?
If so, then I`m sure that she would love for him to spend his extra time visiting with her. I`m sure that being in a nursing home can feel quiet lonely.....
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Old 10-31-2008, 05:43 AM
 
Location: Newport, NC
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When you get married, you vow for better or worse. Spend your time in the nursing home.
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Old 10-31-2008, 06:40 AM
 
Location: lumberton, texas
652 posts, read 2,457,574 times
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until you are in that situation you cant really understand. If he is still visiting and taking care of his wife, I see no problem with it. I have seen many elderly people get really sick and die after loosing their spouse. depending on exactly how bad the stroke is, he might have in a way lost his wife. He still needs to find happiness somewhere. nursing homes are not typically filled with joy.

2 yrs ago a good friend of ours lost his wife to cancer. went through a yr of taking care of her himself while still trying to do his job (more on a part time level) I would go over there once a week so he could bowl. he needed to get out. Her family of course thought it was horrible. the last couple of months he started seeing someone. never neglected his wife. 6mos after she past away he remaried. to most people this was a horrible thing he did. In my eyes, he did what he needed to do to keep on living. with a smile.
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Old 10-31-2008, 10:36 AM
 
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Did any of you not see that he is visiting twice a day? I would point out that that is probably more than 99+% of any patient's family. It indicates a constancy of affection and a real caregiver.

I am sure his wife or anyone's spouse would rather have someone who loved them and took care of them have friends of whatever sex to talk to and enjoy some of his remaining time. My fatherinlaw has great guilt because his wife is unable to travel or go out and about because she is his 24/7 caregiver. My mother in law is always better able to cope when she can get together with a friend and talk honestly about her life and get some support.

My husband has always had friends of both sexes and I dont hold that against him. In fact it makes our conversation more interesting since we have more to talk about. There are some things I am not interested in and he can have a friend go with him or go out to lunch and talk about things or ever their spouses. Makes them more well rounded.
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Old 10-31-2008, 11:03 AM
 
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I see no reason a man can not have female friends. I am married and I have many female friends ;some I knew long before I was married. My wife also knows that I am fatithful to her.
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Old 10-31-2008, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Texas
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I kinda think it depends on the definition of "seeing another woman." If their relationship falls in the category of "dating" (even platonically) I would see this as a violation of the marriage vows if one's spouse is still alive.

I think you could conceivably have an opposite sex friend on a real casual basis, but if the relationship was "exclusive" and constant or very frequent, so to speak, I would just have to see it as not being right. I think it just kinda depends on the "nature" of the friendship.

Last edited by kaykay; 10-31-2008 at 01:26 PM..
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Old 10-31-2008, 02:09 PM
 
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It's nice to have someone to eat dinner with, or go to a show together. Or just someone to share thoughts with. That's friendship. The gender of the friend doesn't have anything to do with marriage vows, unless you mean that "forsaking all others" includes forsaking friends too.

Should you give up friends because the spouse is in a nursing home? There are many lonely people in this world and not nearly enough friends.
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Old 10-31-2008, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,595,690 times
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I see nothing wrong with the other thats not in a nursing home, to have friends, and someone to talk too, but is this an everyday deal? Are they going to dinner, watching movies, having coffee?
I don`t see anything wrong with that, but as long as the spouse is still alive, and kicking, then he should spend his time, conversation, and love with her.
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