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Old 12-22-2007, 11:44 PM
 
633 posts, read 801,939 times
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I can't be very specific in my recommendations as I don't know either of you personally. However I am familiar with your problem. First, I would say your statement that Southern women need to remain near adult kids is IMO a stretch. Second, it seems a bit unlogical to remain where you are and plug away financially. Eventually retirement will beckon (or at least semi-retirement) one way or the other and preparation is very important. Also be aware that as we age unexpected events can present themselves and the burdens get harder to handle--most of us lighten up a bit.
IMO it is important to make a decision--even if it should later prove to be a bad one. Doing nothing is unproductive and will solve nothing. Divided ideas about living regions must be solved in order that we have the all important happiness we all require. Living where one is not happy is not an option unless one doesn't have a choice.
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Old 12-23-2007, 06:57 AM
 
1,831 posts, read 4,796,860 times
Reputation: 661
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightcopperkettles View Post
We currently live in in a new (well, when we bought it in 2001) 3-BR, 2-BA home on 4.4 forested acres in a hot area of the Pacific NW; it would not be hard to sell it at all.
Are you sure you could sell the house in this market? Even great properties aren't moving in many areas.

I'm just wondering if this might be a moot point since we're in the middle of a nationwide real estate recession with no end in sight.

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Old 12-23-2007, 11:00 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,585 posts, read 39,962,822 times
Reputation: 23724
PNW is still very desirable location, and has had minimal disruption (longer time on market, more to choose from) It is often EZ to sell acreage, as folks want to get out of 'suburbia'. It can be very difficult to sell in suburbia, even in the PNW

BCK is in an area that is extra attractive, as it is within striking distance of SEA, and often folks transition to her area with eventual hope of leaving the hub-bub of SEA or TAC. They keep their jobs and suffer commute till they retire or find employment in their new area.

I wish her the best, as I'm suffering a similar dilemma... but we are taking separate vacations to enjoy our chosen destinations, and... eventually the taxes will force us to leave the PNW, so I'm not staying...
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Old 12-24-2007, 06:02 AM
 
59 posts, read 236,551 times
Reputation: 45
Default South Carolina

We moved to South Carolina for the economical - financial aspect of being where we could live well in our retirement years . After 60 plus years of putting up with the extreme of winter snow , cold , & ice , then the extreme of 110 plus summers we now live in a new house on a lake that would cost double or more anywhere else . We survive quite well on less than $1,500.00 per month for everything as we owe nothing . We have a new house , 2 fairly new vehicles , & South Carolina is a tax frilendly state for those retired .
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Old 12-24-2007, 06:54 AM
 
Location: Home is where the heart is
15,400 posts, read 25,826,958 times
Reputation: 18992
A complicated puzzle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightcopperkettles View Post
My husband is from the Pacific NW, which is where we now live and where his two sons live; they are in their 30s. I am from South Carolina; my children, parents, and brothers ALL live in the South. My husband's father is 90 and still going strong; he lives in the Pacific NW as well. My parents live in the South.
This is the first thing you mention, so I'd guess having family nearby is what's most imprtant to you. By that, I assume you mean having family members within a 1-hour drive. Because when you get into your later retirement years, you won't want to drive more than that (even an hour's drive becomes extremely hard to do after age 80 or so).

If you live more than 1 hour's drive away, you will probably fly to visit your family members anyway. If you have to fly to visit your family members, what difference does it make how many miles away they are? A 5-hour flight isn't much different from a 2-hour flight.

Just pointing out that you aren't really free to live anywhere, you want to live in the same town your children live in. And you also are assuming that your children will never want to move from that town. This brings the picture into a clearer focus.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brightcopperkettles View Post
Anyone who knows Southern women knows they have to live close to their children ?
I don't know this is true at all. It may be true for you... although I have to wonder why you have been able to live so far from them until now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brightcopperkettles View Post
We currently live in in a new (well, when we bought it in 2001) 3-BR, 2-BA home on 4.4 forested acres in a hot area of the Pacific NW; it would not be hard to sell it at all.
OK, this is good news. You will have plenty of money if you sell--that gives you more options. Maybe you could take a few long vacations in the same town where your children live. Hubby could adjust to the area and make a decision based on experience, not guesses. And you could see whether or not you really want to live there, too.

Your kids could probably find an inexpensive (or maybe even free) place for you to stay. They might have a friend who needs a house sitter, for example. Even better--stay with the kids for awhile.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brightcopperkettles View Post

The problem is I hate the rain up here and the cost of living, but my husband hates the South.
It rains in the south, too. There are plenty of places in the south that have more rain than Washington state.

Also, there are plenty of places in WA that are less rainy. Perhaps Spokane would be a good compromise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brightcopperkettles View Post
If we lived in the South, my husband could finally retire.
Maybe this is the real reason hubby doesn't want to move?
Many people say they want to retire and then come up with excuses not to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brightcopperkettles View Post
Yet, he won't move.
Bottom line: if he won't go, then you can't make him go. Endlessly trying to manipulate someone to do something he really doesn't want to do will only sour your marriage.

If he really can't stand the idea of leaving his home, and you really can't stand the idea of not being near your children, you will have to decide whether you would be better off with him in the PNW or apart from him in the south. If it comes to this point, be sure to discuss it with a third party before you do anything rash.
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Old 12-24-2007, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
34,691 posts, read 33,695,295 times
Reputation: 51903
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightcopperkettles View Post
My husband is from the Pacific NW, which is where we now live and where his two sons live; they are in their 30s. I am from South Carolina; my children, parents, and brothers ALL live in the South. My husband's father is 90 and still going strong; he lives in the Pacific NW as well. My parents live in the South.

Anyone who knows Southern women knows they have to live close to their children; my husband and I are having a really difficult time deciding on a place to live. We currently live in in a new (well, when we bought it in 2001) 3-BR, 2-BA home on 4.4 forested acres in a hot area of the Pacific NW; it would not be hard to sell it at all.

It is so expensive to live in the Pacific NW! My husband has a nice retirement check (he's a retired Seattle firefighter), but both of us still have to work just to make ends meet. We make over $6000 a month and can only just survive.

The problem is I hate the rain up here and the cost of living, but my husband hates the South. We could decide to move somewhere in between--say the midwest--but then we would have no family nearby at all. If we lived in the South, my husband could finally retire. I would still have to work but at least I would have family nearby, and husband could fly out to see his family when the spirit moved him. Yet, he won't move.

I love my husband, and he loves me, but this is a problem we just can't figure out an answer to. This is the only bone of contention between us, but it's a big one. Anyone else have any suggestions?
Didn't you miss your grown kids and family just as much 5 years ago? Didn't you hate the rain before now? Wasn't the cost of living always high in the Pacific Northwest? Maybe that's where your husband is coming from. Why now are these things an issue? Does you husband want to retire?
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Old 12-25-2007, 05:13 PM
 
9,807 posts, read 13,459,882 times
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-------$21,600 a year just for the mortgage payment----
-------wish I had that much equity in it-----
It sounds like you will be forced to move to cheaper housing in the near future (either in the PNW or down South)---easier to accomplish that down South.
The fact that your mortgage payment is that steep (and yet you have little equity in your house) tells me you have many years of high mortgage payments ahead of you.
Perhaps stressing to your husband the necessity of selling and moving to an area of much lower housing costs would be your best bet in convincing him.
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Old 12-25-2007, 05:18 PM
 
9,807 posts, read 13,459,882 times
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the poster who asked for advice was kind enough to share her financial situation with us when asking for advice.
It appears some posters totally ignored her --financial situation----when offering advice !
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Old 12-28-2007, 07:12 AM
 
Location: So. Dak.
13,495 posts, read 34,068,176 times
Reputation: 15063
IMHO it can work both ways. The OP wants to move and her DH is holding her back and refusing to budge. Maybe she is getting a bit sour on the relationship since he may be showing a bit of selfishness to refuse considering her happiness, too. She willingly lived where HE wanted to live all this time and maybe it's time for the compromise of him doing the same.
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Old 12-28-2007, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Ocean Shores, WA
5,081 posts, read 12,974,472 times
Reputation: 10648
I find it hard to believe that people in this stage of their lives haven't gotten these problems worked out by now.
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