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Old 02-20-2007, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Summerville, SC
559 posts, read 2,111,054 times
Reputation: 299

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My husband is from the Pacific NW, which is where we now live and where his two sons live; they are in their 30s. I am from South Carolina; my children, parents, and brothers ALL live in the South. My husband's father is 90 and still going strong; he lives in the Pacific NW as well. My parents live in the South.

Anyone who knows Southern women knows they have to live close to their children; my husband and I are having a really difficult time deciding on a place to live. We currently live in in a new (well, when we bought it in 2001) 3-BR, 2-BA home on 4.4 forested acres in a hot area of the Pacific NW; it would not be hard to sell it at all.

It is so expensive to live in the Pacific NW! My husband has a nice retirement check (he's a retired Seattle firefighter), but both of us still have to work just to make ends meet. We make over $6000 a month and can only just survive.

The problem is I hate the rain up here and the cost of living, but my husband hates the South. We could decide to move somewhere in between--say the midwest--but then we would have no family nearby at all. If we lived in the South, my husband could finally retire. I would still have to work but at least I would have family nearby, and husband could fly out to see his family when the spirit moved him. Yet, he won't move.

I love my husband, and he loves me, but this is a problem we just can't figure out an answer to. This is the only bone of contention between us, but it's a big one. Anyone else have any suggestions?
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Old 02-20-2007, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,360 posts, read 12,230,236 times
Reputation: 3907
Perhaps he'd be more inclined to live someplace like Myrtle Beach. It's closer to the water which he would be more acclimated to, with many things to do there, and nearby Charleston. Otherwise you may have to wait for his father.
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Old 02-20-2007, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,044 posts, read 24,027,643 times
Reputation: 5182
Is your husband's father the only reason why he won't consider moving? If so, is it possible to move and take your father-in-law with you?
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Old 02-20-2007, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Summerville, SC
559 posts, read 2,111,054 times
Reputation: 299
Well, that's the thing; I'm not sure. He says he just doesn't like the South. When I ask him to be specific, he says he doesn't like "the heat, the bugs, and the snakes." As far as I know, he has never even seen a snake in the South. My instinct tells me what is keeping him here is his father, whom he goes to see almost weekly. I totally get that; if I were close enough, I would go see my folks a lot more too. Now, I only get to see them about once a year, and, yes, that's what we have to use our vacation for.

This year I turn 50 in July, and my daughter is getting married in South Carolina. I do believe God is in charge of everything, and I'm sure there is a lesson one of us--or very likely both of us--is supposed to be learning, but I'm danged if I can figure it out.

Add to everything else, our hospital is going to voice recognition, so I'm not even sure I'll have a job here after next year. I know I could get one in the South due to my qualifications (well, truthfully, could probably get one here as well, but I groan at that).

As far as waiting for his father to pass away, I understand that, but he's awfully healthy, so I could be looking at spending the next 10 years up here. My husband would be 72 by then, and I know he wouldn't move then! I know God never gives us anything we can't handle, but this one has just got me stumped. If He is trying to teach me patience, it's a hard lesson, that's for sure!
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Old 02-20-2007, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Springfield, Missouri
2,815 posts, read 12,960,077 times
Reputation: 2000001497
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightcopperkettles View Post
My husband is from the Pacific NW, which is where we now live and where his two sons live; they are in their 30s. I am from South Carolina; my children, parents, and brothers ALL live in the South. My husband's father is 90 and still going strong; he lives in the Pacific NW as well. My parents live in the South.

Anyone who knows Southern women knows they have to live close to their children; my husband and I are having a really difficult time deciding on a place to live. We currently live in in a new (well, when we bought it in 2001) 3-BR, 2-BA home on 4.4 forested acres in a hot area of the Pacific NW; it would not be hard to sell it at all.

It is so expensive to live in the Pacific NW! My husband has a nice retirement check (he's a retired Seattle firefighter), but both of us still have to work just to make ends meet. We make over $6000 a month and can only just survive.

The problem is I hate the rain up here and the cost of living, but my husband hates the South. We could decide to move somewhere in between--say the midwest--but then we would have no family nearby at all. If we lived in the South, my husband could finally retire. I would still have to work but at least I would have family nearby, and husband could fly out to see his family when the spirit moved him. Yet, he won't move.

I love my husband, and he loves me, but this is a problem we just can't figure out an answer to. This is the only bone of contention between us, but it's a big one. Anyone else have any suggestions?
How can you not survive on $72,000 a year???
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Old 02-20-2007, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Summerville, SC
559 posts, read 2,111,054 times
Reputation: 299
That's what we make while we're both working. My husband is a retired Seattle firefighter, (he'll be 62 soon) but he still has to work. I am working full-time as well. If we retired on his income alone, we would be living on roughly $30,000 a year, of which it would take $21,600 a year just for the mortgage payments. See what I mean?
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Old 02-20-2007, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Springfield, Missouri
2,815 posts, read 12,960,077 times
Reputation: 2000001497
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightcopperkettles View Post
That's what we make while we're both working. My husband is a retired Seattle firefighter, (he'll be 62 soon) but he still has to work. I am working full-time as well. If we retired on his income alone, we would be living on roughly $30,000 a year, of which it would take $21,600 a year just for the mortgage payments. See what I mean?
Now I do..yep! Yikes.
Well, how about this argument...
What's the value of your home? You said it's 4.4 acres with a nice home in a high value area...
Wouldn't a good argument be..sell that house, use the married capital gains exemption of $500,000 off the sale, move to wherever it is you both decide, and pay CASH for you next home. You'll have his retirement coming in and he can apply for SSN.
I moved from Las Vegas in 2005 and bought my house here on 4.3 acres and paid cash. I live on about $600/month....comfortably. I used to need at least $3000 when I had a mortgage and bills of all kinds.
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Old 02-20-2007, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Summerville, SC
559 posts, read 2,111,054 times
Reputation: 299
Wish I had that much equity in it. The equity wouldn't quite pay for a home, but it would make a danged good down payment on one in the South, that's for sure. We looked at a lovely home in my hometown, about 2600 sq ft, when we went back at Christmastime this year; it was on the market for $120,000; the realtor (who, by the way, my mom used to work for) said we could easily get it for $110,000. It would only take about $20,000 to get the home upgraded (spiffy up the kitchen and baths). Plus we could have the house paid off in about 5 years. Oh, did I mention it is in the historic district? Yup.

We looked at what we could "afford" up here if both of us retired; we're talking manufactured homes period. That's the difference.

Granted, my family being in the area is a big draw, but geez, at least if we were living somewhere affordable, hubby could hop a plane to go visit his family when he wanted to.

Plus, my husband was a firefighter for 23 years, and unfortunately they did not have to pay Social Security at all. The only Social Security he would have is very, very minor. I will actually have more coming in my Social Security (hopefully it will still be there when I am eligible for it!) than he will.
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Old 02-22-2007, 04:04 AM
 
252 posts, read 1,069,086 times
Reputation: 188
Copperkettles, where is your hometown if u don't mind me asking? These areas are getting pretty expensive on a whole also.........!!! Especially historical housing in SC is unusually high. I am thinking SC, or GA myself.
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Old 03-21-2007, 09:46 PM
 
Location: Somewhere close to Heber, AR
388 posts, read 1,780,760 times
Reputation: 205
brightcopperkettles, I feel your pain; in our case it was her parents that held us on in the PNW.

As we approached retirement age, we both recognized that our retirement income would not be sufficient for what we wanted to do with the rest of our lives if we remained in the upper left corner.

Our income would have been sufficient for living expenses and would have allowed some amenities, but with the rising cost of living and the ever increasing real estate taxes, our cushion would not have been much in a few years, but her proximity to her parents were tantamount to her happiness.

Despite that knowledge, she could/would not commit to heading south when we retired.

Early in our marriage we lived in GA, and although she didn't hate the south, she didn't like it well enough to take advantage of all the South has to offer.

Our kids both had moved to SoCal to escape the dreary Northwest winters years ago, but she still insisted that they lived "close".

I had resigned myself to spending the rest of my days in WA and had been seriously looking at places on the dry side; Moses Lake, Medical Lake, Cheny and Liberty Lake in particular, knowing the cold winters would frost my butt, but an acceptable alternative to the greater Puget Sound area.

Her parents both passed prior to our retirement and out of the blue she said that we could go to AR; nothing to hold her any more.

Only a little more airline time needed to see the kids. A family vacation in Vegas is another possibility.

Once I got her here she is in thrall with the place. A home she loves, lots to explore, very little financial concerns, if any, and is enamored with the friendliness of the people, even though she sticks out like a sore thumb once she begins speaking.(If I can get her past that lunch-dinner, dinner-supper thing, she's home free)

If there is a point to my post, it's this; one of you has to sacrifice. Matters not which of you it is, but someone has to give a little.

Maybe a compromise is in the offing; E-burg or the Tri-Cities might work a little better.
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