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I'm impressed that so many retired couples and singles on here report that they are moving or want to move, some of you at great distances.
I also know that some of you moving expect to find new friends at church, clubs, etc. For others:
- Are you not concerned in general about finding new meaningful relationships, esp in 60s and 70s
- Are you basically a loner/loner couple so this just doesn't factor in
- If for whatever reason you don't make friends in the new place right away, are you ok with that? Do you think there's a chance it will be challenging?
- What about the years of cultivated friendships left behind? One-on-one's, and groups? Are you not going to miss them in person?
There are good people everywhere and existing friend and family are only a plane ride or car drive away. I know it is hard for some that didn't really move around a lot through life or with careers. I've been so many places it's really not that bad to adjust. Plus it gives friends and family some place new to visit .
After I retired and before I moved, I realized that many friends were really just "work friends." Once you or they leave the company, it's pretty rare for that work friendship to continue. The same could apply to people you think of as friends when you go to any kind of group meeting/activity. If you are only friends when you see each other there, are you really friends? Would those friendships endure outside of the group?
So when you move, you need to find new groups of whatever kind. If you're lucky, you will eventually find a true friend.
Even if you stayed in the same place, who is to say that your old friends will stay?
We have lifelong friends, but we have no new friends. Our lifelong friends are spread from Seattle to Florida. We still all get together every so often.
We moved to a southern state for a few reasons...weather, hubbys last job, and youngest child lived here. Now we are retired, and the son moved to another state. We are within 5 hours of some friends and family, so we visit once a year or so.
The most important thing IS maintaining relationships. It takes a long time to grow an old friend. You can live anywhere you think you will be happy, but unless you have the means to maintain your relationships with friends and family, then you will not be happy.
^^^
That's really thoughtful of you.
I think there is a real difference between "I" and "We." When people are in a couple, whether great or even mediocre, they take 90 percent of what they need socially with them.
Many of those here on CD who move in retirement are going to 55+ communities or at least places where there are many retirees. It's easy to form new friendships when so many others are also needing new friends.
I live in an expensive place (L.A.) and many of the friends I made here over 30 years have already left. Two left in the past month. I'm right behind them. Some places are just too expensive if you're not pulling down primetime money and don't own.
Hope to make some friends in my retirement destination (Albuquerque), but if I don't, that's OK too. I sit at my computer and keep up with friends all over the country -- not the same as coffee or a movie date, but it helps.
I could move back to my state of origin, where I know a lot of people, but prefer to go someplace new.
There are good people everywhere and existing friend and family are only a plane ride or car drive away. I know it is hard for some that didn't really move around a lot through life or with careers. I've been so many places it's really not that bad to adjust. Plus it gives friends and family some place new to visit .
Same here. I've lived in five states in my life and had jobs in several varying professional areas. As they taught me in Girl Scouts decades ago, "Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold."
This was a concern for my wife and I. Our youngest moved to Raleigh in 2004 and we loved the city and weather when we visited. Naturally, we talked of retiring there but I reminded her that we wold need to move there pre-retirement to allow us time to develop new friendships and networks before we retired. Doctors, Dentists, Banks, Financial Planners (although ours is dual licensed for MI and NC, maybe further as well), favorite shopping spots, favorite restaurants, etc.
The Great Recession ended that plan as the youngest was laid off and employment opportunities dried up everywhere. Even the companies in Raleigh which had desperately wanted to hire me only 10-12 months earlier told me the positions were still open but they couldn't take the chance of bringing on new employees in the face of the economic uncertainty they were seeing in late 2008.
So now we are staying put and planning to 'maybe' move to a local CCRC in another 10 years when we have been retired for 5-7 years each.
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